Facebook Post from Sheryl Sandberg on Dealing with Grief

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Women don't need systemic bias to hold them back in the workplace-- it seems like we're perfectly capable of tearing each other down. Just because Sheryl Sandberg is massively successful and rich with money she made herself does not mean that she's a cold and calculating opportunist. Just because she has a big slice of the pie doesn't mean you've lost yours. There's a lot of pie to go around.

We should be congratulating women who have been so successful in their careers and see it as a victory for us all, without rushing to assume she must have accomplished it by selling out her marriage and kids. If anyone's actually read Lean In, you'd see that she is committed to her family.

You'd also read about the study that was done showing that people perceive successful men to be more likeable but successful women with the exact same credentials to be less likable. Imagine that.

As for Lean In, kuddos to her for putting her ideas out there. You don't like them? Write your own book.

Please, step away from the soapbox. This isn't even vaguely related to the rest of the thread.

Of course it is. It is directly related. People are assuming she has regrets about not spending enough time with her family, think she's a calculating opportunist, etc. Why?

You clearly identify with her style; others don't. That's generally how the world works. Just because she is female, doesn't mean all women are going to respond the same way to her publications. You can feel the way you do without others who feel differently being "wrong" or needing to be admonished by you.

I disagree. Most people on this board are not arguing that they don't like her philosophy and proposing alternatives. They're arguing that they don't like her. Personally, I've not made the same choices as she has. But that doesn't make her self-serving. It doesn't make her choices wrong. But people are ripping her apart. My point is that women should stop doing this to each other.

This is a thread about how people feel about a specific post she made. People either like it or don't and have indicated why they feel the way they do. Not sure why you are personalizing this so much. Not everyone sees the world or Sheryl the same way you do.

To the first pp above, I agree wholeheartedly. The other pp(s) in this thread is/are missing your point, which has nothing to do with whether individuals agree or disagree with her philosophy. It's fascinating to watch this bias in practice.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Have your credit cards ready. Her book about how to grieve in an overachieving way comes out next spring!

Quickly followed by "how to lean in as a single parent".

This. The post was lovely, and had a lot of truth, but she want the first to speak that truth and she can still shove her leaning in where the sun doesn't shine. You know what would be amazing? Her saying maybe I should have spent so,e extra time with the man I loved and leaned a little less hard. Now THAT would be some honest talk.

Maybe that would be your honest talk, but it clearly wasn't for her. Why shove your perspective onto her? Don't want to read Lean In? Don't. Don't want to actually "lean in?" Don't. But for crying out loud don't also tell the woman what's honest for her.

+1. Honestly the insecurity and nastiness of some of the women on this board is remarkable.

Agreed. Some women are always threatened by another womans success or happiness etc. And now they even judge her for not grieving the right way. DC really is full of some shitty women. A cross between highly educated and highly educated but insecure stay at home moms.

how can you know anything like that.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I think it's weird that she's posting to the general public on Facebook about this. Your friends and family? OK. But I read her post after it was shared by a bazillion people on Facebook and it just struck me as odd. Good for her if it lets her work through her grief, though.

This is what I thought exactly. Beautiful but a bit strange to share beyond friends and family.

Why? What's wrong with sharing your grief and thoughts about grieving? Death isn't a "bad thing"; it's part of everyone's life. We don't have to pretend like each of us isn't affected by it and that it deeply affects us forever. I think it's great she's sharing this and normalizing something that each of us will grapple with eventually.

Also, to PPs who are accusing Sandberg of being a neglectful wife, what makes you say that? And more to the point, if a male CEO or COO or corporate big wig lost their wife, would there be open questions as to his level of attentiveness and affection? Successful women are demonized at every turn.

Because sharing the personal with the world cheapens it, and it goes from personal thoughts to personal aggrandizement.

I think nothing really bad ever happened to her before and she actually realizes what true suffering is now.

[Anonymous]

Sooner or later, bad things happen to people, even if you have done everything "right" and worked "hard", and gone to church/temple. People keep a lot of problems to themselves unless they feel safe in telling others because those people are empathetic and have been through something similar. Suffering is truly universal and if you have never experienced something tragic and life-altering, you will.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I think it's weird that she's posting to the general public on Facebook about this. Your friends and family? OK. But I read her post after it was shared by a bazillion people on Facebook and it just struck me as odd. Good for her if it lets her work through her grief, though.

This is what I thought exactly. Beautiful but a bit strange to share beyond friends and family.

Why? What's wrong with sharing your grief and thoughts about grieving? Death isn't a "bad thing"; it's part of everyone's life. We don't have to pretend like each of us isn't affected by it and that it deeply affects us forever. I think it's great she's sharing this and normalizing something that each of us will grapple with eventually.

Also, to PPs who are accusing Sandberg of being a neglectful wife, what makes you say that? And more to the point, if a male CEO or COO or corporate big wig lost their wife, would there be open questions as to his level of attentiveness and affection? Successful women are demonized at every turn.

Because sharing the personal with the world cheapens it, and it goes from personal thoughts to personal aggrandizement.

I think nothing really bad ever happened to her before and she actually realizes what true suffering is now.

To the pp who said sharing with the world cheapens grief...everyone grieves differently. Who are you to say someone is doing it right or wrong. I am pretty anti-Sheryl Sandberg in terms of approach/lean in whatever. But grief is a universal equilizer and seeing people in prominent roles speak up about how debilitating it is I think is reassuring to people. As someone who went through some pretty serious grief in the last few years I think its helpful for public figures to put this in context. So often in our society we deal with greiving people by saying, 'hey cheer up it will get better/it was part of so and so's grand plan/x wouldn't want you to spend your life grieving.' We want to put a happy spin on everything, instead of acknowledging loss for what it is, which is devastating and sometimes requiring a complete course correction. I actually haven't read her statement because as a result of what I've gone through hearing people's raw grief tends to put me in a negative space, but I can't help but wonder why there isn't a thread about how Biden is grieving too publicly/too messily/lost out on time with his dying son because he was VP. It is uniquely womanly to tell another woman that they aren't even doing the most painful and personal of things 'correctly.'