Moms of sons - do you guide your son to be respectful of girls?

[Anonymous]

Frankly, I am less concerned that my daughter will be rape than a girl will have next morning regrets and accuse my don of rape. I saw it happen more than once in college--that and breakup revenge rape claims.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a son and a daughter. And while I certainly teach them BOTH to be respectful of EVERYONE, I do plan on spending some extra time and energy with my son and teaching not only respect, but about consent, what to do if a girl is passed out (you would be amazed at how many "nice guys" think the answer is "fuck her" and not realize this is rape), what to do when his *friends* are being disrespectful and so forth.

Too many parents think treating and training their sons and daughters identically in this regard is the way to go, fair, etc, but becaues I know so many women who have been sexually assaulted by boys/guys they know, there certainly is a problem in our culture, and I want to be part of the solution, so hell yeah, I will be teaching my son about respecting girls.

I disagree that many "nice guys" would have sex with a passed out or falling down drunk girl and not know that that is an incredibly messed up thing to do. No *Most* guys would never, ever do that and *Most* guys want consent.

Some people think that girls who have had alcohol are immediately rendered unable to consent. That is a far more controversial take.

Yes, somehow we've decided that women who have had too much to drink are basically children and not responsible for their actions where sex is involved. (Although still responsible for all their other actions, such as if they get behind the wheel of a car.) Whereas men who have had too much to drink are expected to make good decisions about sex both for themselves AND for the drunk woman they are with. Because men should be in charge, I guess? What bullshit.

The law isn't gender specific. But we mostly hear about male on female sex assault. The law protects whoever doesn't consent, and prosecutes the aggressor who doesn't get consent. The law itself does not denigrate women; commentary like yours does.

[Anonymous]

When did women become so fragile that some guy trying to talk his way into her pants is rape? Are we do emotionally weak that we cannot say no? Are you willing to make the same claims of rape when the girl is the aggressor and trying to talk her way into dome guy's pants? Without a doubt rape is abhorrent, be we are so clouding the line of what is rape that we are making it meaningless.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is not being made up that men don't think rape is rape. Here are some links that explain this better than I can.

http://www.newsweek.com/campus-rapists-and-semantics-297463

"Nearly one-third of college men admit they might rape a woman if they could get away with it, a new study on campus sexual assault claims. Of those men, however, far fewer will admit this if the word rape is actually used during the course of questioning."

http://nymag.com/scienceofus/2015/01/lots-of-men-dont-think-rape-is-rape.html

http://thinkprogress.org/health/2015/01/11/3610327/college-men-forcible-sex-study/

Some really good (in a depressing way) and eye opening information here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Frankly, I am less concerned that my daughter will be rape than a girl will have next morning regrets and accuse my don of rape. I saw it happen more than once in college--that and breakup revenge rape claims.

While this is concerning, you can rest assured that false rape claims are few and far between. You should be much more concerned that your son will probably have female friends that are terrified to let an authority know they are raped. Most rapes are never even reported, let alone prosecuted.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Frankly, I am less concerned that my daughter will be rape than a girl will have next morning regrets and accuse my don of rape. I saw it happen more than once in college--that and breakup revenge rape claims.

Then tell your son to keep his pants zipped unless his potential partner is

a. unequivocally able to consent
b. unequivocally consenting

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When did women become so fragile that some guy trying to talk his way into her pants is rape? Are we do emotionally weak that we cannot say no? Are you willing to make the same claims of rape when the girl is the aggressor and trying to talk her way into dome guy's pants? Without a doubt rape is abhorrent, be we are so clouding the line of what is rape that we are making it meaningless.

Not saying no does not constitute consent -- unless you think that we should assume that people are consenting to sexual contact unless and until they say no.

[Anonymous]

I'm calling shenanigans on all these women begging to get into a guy's pants. I'm sure it happens, but I bet a million swayzebucks it's rare. It's rather laughable, really

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

I'm sorry but if a guy says "you don't love me if you don't have sex with me", that is NOT rape. That is such a ridiculous statement. As a rape victim I'm disgusted.

And very concerned for my son with all this crazy stuff going around.

The messaging I will give my daughter is don't get drunk and do something you regret. Not "don't get drunk, regret what you did, and ruin some guys life because you were both drunk and did something stupid".

It's one thing to be passed out cold and get raped. That's rape.

It's another thing entirely when two kids are drunk. Both are equally stupid.

There should be no "gray area" of a serious crime.

[Anonymous]

I'm so sick of the whole false accusations are rare business.

I personally know of a guy in college that was falsely accused by his girlfriend because he broke up with her.

Its even become everyday conversation, was having brunch the other day when I heard a group of young college women discussing how someone was accused of rape because his girlfriend was angry with him. The chilling part of that was how blasely they were talking about it, like it was no big deal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Frankly, I am less concerned that my daughter will be rape than a girl will have next morning regrets and accuse my don of rape. I saw it happen more than once in college--that and breakup revenge rape claims.

Then tell your son to keep his pants zipped unless his potential partner is

a. unequivocally able to consent
b. unequivocally consenting

I will tell my son not to date anybody in college. Not worth it. Rape should be handled off campus by the police.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm so sick of the whole false accusations are rare business.

I personally know of a guy in college that was falsely accused by his girlfriend because he broke up with her.

Its even become everyday conversation, was having brunch the other day when I heard a group of young college women discussing how someone was accused of rape because his girlfriend was angry with him. The chilling part of that was how blasely they were talking about it, like it was no big deal.

Rare doesn't mean never. Rare means rare.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

I'm sorry but if a guy says "you don't love me if you don't have sex with me", that is NOT rape. That is such a ridiculous statement. As a rape victim I'm disgusted.

It sure is coercion, though. Is consent possible, if there is coercion? (And what do we call sexual contact without consent?)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I teach all of my kids to be respectful of everyone. Why are girls special?

+1

I hope to instill self respect and self advocacy in DS when it comes to relationships with girls.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm so sick of the whole false accusations are rare business.

I personally know of a guy in college that was falsely accused by his girlfriend because he broke up with her.

Its even become everyday conversation, was having brunch the other day when I heard a group of young college women discussing how someone was accused of rape because his girlfriend was angry with him. The chilling part of that was how blasely they were talking about it, like it was no big deal.

Rare doesn't mean never. Rare means rare.

False accusations on campus are not rare.