In defense of the low-sex-drive partner

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Whoever posted this should get a divorce, if you haven't already. My DH is unhappy about how infrequently we have sex, but he doesn't hate me.

Whoever posted this should consider what are HER important needs in the marriage and what would SHE do if DH decides he's too tired to do that anymore.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DW is low drive. I have come to empathize with her. She really can't comprehend how it feels to be me, nor I her, but I try. She will generally let me have sex with her, but it is uninspiring, forced. I rarely do, but I will sometimes just as much because she feels really guilty if we have gone a week and we haven't had sex. She wants me to be happy, but no one can possibly be satisfied without a mutual partner.

We have decent sex about once per month. I have gone through the range of emotions, frustration, wanting to and briefly cheating, thinking about divorce, etc. She is a great mom, a fantastic wife in every other respect and an amazing person.

We are compatible in every other way, we laugh together, parent great, find each other attractive, support each other, but we are not and probably will never be on the same page sexually, which left when the kids came. Most of all, I find it sad that this crucial piece of a marriage is missing between us, which keeps us from having an otherwise wonderful marriage and life.

I have stopped blaming her, she is who she is, I am who I am. It's not a fault issue.

So I do have sympathy for the OP and her spouse. Unfortunately, her marriage, my marriage will suffer a slow death.

It's hormonal -- the once per month great sex is a clue. When she's ovulating, the sex is good.

[Anonymous]

OP, if you are on anti-depressant medication, then speak to your M.D. about this issue and perhaps you can change medications.

For instance, Zoloft may affect sex drive, but Wellbutrin does not.

And if you are actually feeling any form of physical pain during sex, this may be a physical issue that needs to be checked by a professional.

How old are you? If you are approaching menopause, perhaps your vagina is suffering from atrophy which happens. Or if you are not aroused, you probably are not lubricated enough so that could be also why it hurts.

[Anonymous]

I totally agree.. I will never understand the vitriol directed towards LD spouses on DCUM.. it's awful.