How do you deal with boasting by parents of kids without special needs?

[Anonymous]

I smile and nod and hope I have never been/won't be that person in someone else's day.

And you know, it's not even that the comments make me feel bad because I would kill for my kid to do whatever the parent is complaining about. It's that it reminds me how different and "other" we are and in that moment, I can't be honest about our lives and it's isolating. Those moments just remind you how lonely of an experience parenting a SN kid can be.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, your neighbor sounds insensitive and your own sensitivities sound heightened (understandably). I would neither speak up nor take it with a grin - I would just avoid this person. If cornered by her, I would respond to her humblebragging with, "Oh, I wish DD had those kinds of problems - too many friends and too many parties! I guess you just have to count your blessings, huh?"

So she should bring up this trite conversation days later as a reason for break off? Terrible idea.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't have SN kids and still can't stand when parents won't shut up about their children. Yes, I get it, each parent (myself included) thinks her snowflake is the fairest of them all. But have some self-awareness for crying out loud. In reality most kids are average, some a bit above, some a bit below, they will even out when they grow up. You won't be able to tell who did well in school and who flunked algebra. In fact, many will surprise you one way or another. So pretty please with sugar on top, shut up about your unbelievably talented kid. I get it, you love your child. I don't care. I have mine, and he is way better than yours LOL

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can you find something to brag back about? My own HFA/Aspie DS has all kinds of difficulties but also some startling abilities and insights. Maybe you could say "Wow that sounds like a lot of parties. Emily spent the weekend buried in a college level textbook about volcanoes." Or building a LEGO model of Buckingham Palace, or watching 20 back episodes of Cosmos because she's really interested in black holes, or whatever it is. I know not every HFA kid is a secret genius but I'm sure there's something wonderful about your daughter that would put being invited to birthday parties in perspective.

Or maybe just "Thank goodness Emily's a bit of a loner. I don't know how you can stand going to those parties. The music's always too loud and the pizza is awful."

This escalation is what I think actually takes place in thousands of conversations among parents of NT and SN kids every day and it is soooo transparent and tiresome. It's one of the things that sucks most about this area. The above conversation is aggressive and odious.

Well, OK, but I meant the language as a joke (which I hope some here got) not as an actual social script for the conversation. My real attempted point, perhaps lost in failed humor, was that I'm worried that OP seems to accept the value system that has produced her daughter's exclusion and therefore is not fully seeing and supporting how great (if different) the girl is. I'm fortunate to know a good handful of HFA kids and every one of them is awesome. Challenged, of course. But so much more interesting for their challenges, and unique strengths. (Mine especially, of course). We desperately need to move this whole society toward a much greater acceptance and appreciation of autistic differences, for the sake of the public fisc as well as common decency. And I can't imagine how that effort succeeds if the parents of these kids are not fiercely proud of them, and advocating for them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't have SN kids and still can't stand when parents won't shut up about their children. Yes, I get it, each parent (myself included) thinks her snowflake is the fairest of them all. But have some self-awareness for crying out loud. In reality most kids are average, some a bit above, some a bit below, they will even out when they grow up. You won't be able to tell who did well in school and who flunked algebra. In fact, many will surprise you one way or another. So pretty please with sugar on top, shut up about your unbelievably talented kid. I get it, you love your child. I don't care. I have mine, and he is way better than yours LOL

I kind of agree. I don't mind a boast once in awhile, but I don't want to hear about each little accomplishment in life or a boast every single time we talk. Why do all those little celebrations like zippering a jacket have to be so public to other people?