Feeling sad I'll never have a daughter

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I love my mom, but I can truly say I don't have any unspoken bond or connection with her. I wish I did, especially now that I am a mom myself, but our personalities were just too different. I do have a bond with my dad, perhaps because we are more similar.

I'd also add that it's not true that sons cannot have a close relationship with their moms. They may not go to spa appointments with you, but they can certainly have an unspoken connection/bond with you. Don't let the fact that they are boys and not girls blind you from the chance to build that special bond.

I hope my sons have a close relationship with me, but I do believe there is a difference with a mom and daughter. Maybe it's something you only know when you have it -- but truly, my own relationship with my mom is a cornerstone in my life. Something about the continuation of life and mothering, I think.

This is such a weird thing to say. My relationship with my mom is a cornerstone in my life but my relationship with my dad is a cornerstone as well. My husband's relationship with his mom is one of the most important in his life, as well. We only get two parents and it is normal that these relationships are central to our lives.

It's not weird at all. If you have such a relationship with your mother, you know what OP is talking about. It doesn't take away from a relationship with a father but it IS different.

[Anonymous]

I love my boys with all my heart and I will always be their mom no matter where they go, no matter how old are. I think they are good people and I truly enjoy being around them.

If they still want to hang out with their mom when their older I will be good with that but I will also understand if they can't do that very often. It would be the same sort of way with a daughter of course. The main thing I would want for my kids is for them to be happy in their own lives.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Pour all this love into your future daughters in law and be the best MIL ever! You'll get that daughter bond. I truly consider my MIL my second mother.

This. So much this.

My MIL has two boys. While still respecting my parents, she treats me like a daughter and it's wonderful for everyone. (Well, I hope so at least. It's wonderful for me for sure!)

I hope to do this when the time comes .

[Anonymous]

You'll probably have a granddaughter one day.

[Anonymous]

I have weird coping mechanisms but I always told myself if I don't get the daughter I want, it's because the daughter I would get would NOT be the daughter I would want. In other words, she would hate me, we would not get along, we would not have a good adult relationship, etc. "Everything happens for a reason" kind of bullshit. And another reminder to me that not everyone does have that mother-daughter relationship with their daughter, some people have quite a strained relationship. For example, my MIL told us not to name our baby after her (deceased) mother. How horrible!

The point is, even if you get what you think you want, you can't control whether you actually get what you want. Having a daughter is only a chance of having that bond, not a guarantee, and NOT having a daughter is the universe sending the message that I was never destined to - meaning that I am going to go through that disappointment now instead of when I have a terrible relationship with an actual daughter. And I much prefer this world.

Not everyone is comforted by this kind of thing, but it works for me.

[Anonymous]

That's life. You don't always get what you want. I don't want to minimize your (real) pain but it must help to put it in perspective, yes?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I love my mom, but I can truly say I don't have any unspoken bond or connection with her. I wish I did, especially now that I am a mom myself, but our personalities were just too different. I do have a bond with my dad, perhaps because we are more similar.

I'd also add that it's not true that sons cannot have a close relationship with their moms. They may not go to spa appointments with you, but they can certainly have an unspoken connection/bond with you. Don't let the fact that they are boys and not girls blind you from the chance to build that special bond.

I hope my sons have a close relationship with me, but I do believe there is a difference with a mom and daughter. Maybe it's something you only know when you have it -- but truly, my own relationship with my mom is a cornerstone in my life. Something about the continuation of life and mothering, I think.

This is such a weird thing to say. My relationship with my mom is a cornerstone in my life but my relationship with my dad is a cornerstone as well. My husband's relationship with his mom is one of the most important in his life, as well. We only get two parents and it is normal that these relationships are central to our lives.

It's not weird at all. If you have such a relationship with your mother, you know what OP is talking about. It doesn't take away from a relationship with a father but it IS different.

+ 2

[Anonymous]

Find ways to want exactly what you have.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have weird coping mechanisms but I always told myself if I don't get the daughter I want, it's because the daughter I would get would NOT be the daughter I would want. In other words, she would hate me, we would not get along, we would not have a good adult relationship, etc. "Everything happens for a reason" kind of bullshit. And another reminder to me that not everyone does have that mother-daughter relationship with their daughter, some people have quite a strained relationship. For example, my MIL told us not to name our baby after her (deceased) mother. How horrible!

The point is, even if you get what you think you want, you can't control whether you actually get what you want. Having a daughter is only a chance of having that bond, not a guarantee, and NOT having a daughter is the universe sending the message that I was never destined to - meaning that I am going to go through that disappointment now instead of when I have a terrible relationship with an actual daughter. And I much prefer this world.

Not everyone is comforted by this kind of thing, but it works for me.

I posted earlier (I'm in the two sons club) and this is something I do, too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have weird coping mechanisms but I always told myself if I don't get the daughter I want, it's because the daughter I would get would NOT be the daughter I would want. In other words, she would hate me, we would not get along, we would not have a good adult relationship, etc. "Everything happens for a reason" kind of bullshit. And another reminder to me that not everyone does have that mother-daughter relationship with their daughter, some people have quite a strained relationship. For example, my MIL told us not to name our baby after her (deceased) mother. How horrible!

The point is, even if you get what you think you want, you can't control whether you actually get what you want. Having a daughter is only a chance of having that bond, not a guarantee, and NOT having a daughter is the universe sending the message that I was never destined to - meaning that I am going to go through that disappointment now instead of when I have a terrible relationship with an actual daughter. And I much prefer this world.

Not everyone is comforted by this kind of thing, but it works for me.

I posted earlier (I'm in the two sons club) and this is something I do, too.

Me, too. I just tell myself that my daughter would end up looking like my MIL.

[Anonymous]

Adopt a female pet. Problem solved!

[Anonymous]

Instead of focusing on the kids and their genders, think about what you're gaining. The women I know who are/were moms to all boys are so much cooler! It's like all those years of fart noises, burping, rough housing really mellow out a gal and give her a good sense of humor. Sometimes I think moms to all girls or to one of each are kind of prissy and still "in control" of too much. This is obviously a lot of generalizing on my part, but I want to be the "mom of boys" type of mom myself, even though I have a daughter.

[Anonymous]

you know..as someone with infertility problems I would just like to have a child be it girl or boy

[Anonymous]

DW and I have 3 daughters, no sons. It rocks to be the only dude in the house. Girls love their daddy! OP, I would worry most about what happens when your boys are out of the house and starting their own families. In my opinion, there is truth to that saying...a daughter is a daughter for life but a son is only a son until he takes a wife. On the other hand, we do have a steady stream of girl drama in our house!

[Anonymous]

I have two dds and would love a son! There is way too much girl drama in my house!