Feeling sad I'll never have a daughter

[Anonymous]

The grass isn't always greener on the other side of the fence.

Signed,
mom to 4 girls....with a DH who secretly laments for a "buddy". It's unspoken, but I know there's a tinge of disapointment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Pour all this love into your future daughters in law and be the best MIL ever! You'll get that daughter bond. I truly consider my MIL my second mother.

This. So much this.

My MIL has two boys. While still respecting my parents, she treats me like a daughter and it's wonderful for everyone. (Well, I hope so at least. It's wonderful for me for sure!)

[Anonymous]

OP as the mother of 2 girls, I understand. I definitely wonder how it would be to have a son and I know I'll never have one. My husband would never admit it but I'm sure he feels it even more. It's OK to be a little sad, but I agree with the sentiments above-- some day you may get a daughter in law and/or a granddaughter and get to experience some of what you think you are missing. Until then, just focus on all the positives of having boys!

[Anonymous]

I really wish I had at least one girl. I see girls getting ready for pron, wedding ect..

Those are special moments I will never have.

[Anonymous]

Prom

[Anonymous]

I hear you OP, I really do. I feel sad for the same reason. But I feel even sadder that we couldn't have a 3rd child, and would give anything for another, boy or girl. We almost didn't have any children (terrible IF problems) so I guess I look at my boys and feel so incredibly lucky that we got them. That prevents me from wallowing in regret at the girl I never had.

Also, I have to tell you that I don't get along with my mother at all. We have no real bond. But she has one with my brothers - they're much closer to her than I am.

On the other hand, I LOVE my mother-in-law to pieces. Love her, love hanging out with her, love chatting with her on the phone. She feels like I am her daughter and I feel like she presents a model of motherhood that I would like to emulate. Plus she's just fun.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I love my mom, but I can truly say I don't have any unspoken bond or connection with her. I wish I did, especially now that I am a mom myself, but our personalities were just too different. I do have a bond with my dad, perhaps because we are more similar.

I'd also add that it's not true that sons cannot have a close relationship with their moms. They may not go to spa appointments with you, but they can certainly have an unspoken connection/bond with you. Don't let the fact that they are boys and not girls blind you from the chance to build that special bond.

I hope my sons have a close relationship with me, but I do believe there is a difference with a mom and daughter. Maybe it's something you only know when you have it -- but truly, my own relationship with my mom is a cornerstone in my life. Something about the continuation of life and mothering, I think.

This is such a weird thing to say. My relationship with my mom is a cornerstone in my life but my relationship with my dad is a cornerstone as well. My husband's relationship with his mom is one of the most important in his life, as well. We only get two parents and it is normal that these relationships are central to our lives.

[Anonymous]

My MIL had 3 girls and 1 boy and her boy is the one who loved to garden and bake pies with her. It may not be going to the spa but they are things that she enjoyed doing and sharing with her son. I'm sure you'll find these things with your son, OP, and while it may not fully replace what you think a daughter can bring you, it may provide a sweet balm. I stretch to think outside the gender lines with my boys (2 right now and if we have a third I really do hope for another boy) and will definitely be teaching them to garden, cook, bake, sew and knit. I think that stuff is cool in addition to cars and bikes and sports and I think there's no reason that they wouldn't enjoy them.

[Anonymous]

I'm PP and wanted to add: Of course you should mourn and it's okay to be sad.

[Anonymous]

My daughter is obsessed with papa...our nanny tells me boys are obsessed with mama.

[Anonymous]

I know you don't want to hear this necessarily, but girls are a major pain in adolescence. I would take teenage boys over teenager girls any day!

Your boys may grow up and have wives, and then you can have daughters-in-law. It's not the same, but at least you'll have a chance to have a girl in the family some day (probably), and maybe you'll have granddaughters.

It's hard to feel you are "missing" something, but it's also something you'll get over. Just allow yourself to feel bad about it without judging yourself or censoring your feelings. It is what it is, and there's nothing wrong with feeling sad about it. The more you tell yourself you can't feel bad about it, the worse it makes you feel and the longer it lingers.

[Anonymous]

I don't know if this anecdote hurts or helps, since I am in such a different place, but I hope the latter. I have always (secretly) been very glad that I don't have brothers. Because my father - who was very close to his dad - was at least a little wistful not to have any boys and instead had a passel of daughters. He loved us very much, but I knew he kind of wanted a son. And it was because he didn't have a son that he had to work out his father/son ambitions on his daughters - take us fishing and hunting and hiking and play basketball with us and urge us to medical school and law school. As the most boy-ish of the lot, I have always suspected that the appearance of an actual son would have taken some of that away from me. And, I kind of think that if they had had another child (a 5th) and it had turned out to be a boy, he would have been heaped up with more expectations about father/son bonding than can possibly be healthy.

[Anonymous]

I get it, OP. You come from an unbroken line of mothers and daughters and you would have been an awesome mom to a girl. I am close to my mom and have two sisters and a brother. My own DD has severe autism and will never be the kind of daughter I am to my mom but will always be dependent on us for care. My DS is wonderful but a gay man who has not shown any desire for children so the chance of having a DIL nor granddaughter appears unlikely. It does make me wistful but I try to do girly things with my female relatives and friends to make up for it.

[Anonymous]

My DH is heartbroken that he will never have a Maserati.

[Anonymous]

I'm 50 and I have two boys. I already did the girly stuff when I was growing up and honestly I'm not that frilly. So missing out on Mommy and Me Teas has been o.k.

Boys have been nothing but fun - nature hikes, camp outs, bike rides, the beach, action figures, cars....yes, girls can do all of that stuff too. But with boys there is no pressure to keep neat. Boys are just more...straight forward.

That said, there are times when I would love to have a daughter to go and get a manicure with or see a girly movie or concert with. I wonder if my future DILs will allow me to visit when my grandchildren are born. I think that with daughters that sort of time with grandchildren is more of a given. We'll see.

But overall, no I don't really regret not having a girl. I think I've had more fun with my boys to be quite honest.