Feeling sad I'll never have a daughter

[Anonymous]

I cried when I found out my third was a boy. But honestly, having all boys is wonderful. Look on the bright side:
- the toys are cooler
- no messing with hairstyles, braids, tights, jewelry
- your special being the only female in the house
- less drama, no PMS, boys speak their mind and are more direct
- don't have to worry about getting pregnant, raped, etc.

[Anonymous]

I remember reading a story about the Manning family years ago, when Eli was just coming into the NFL. He is the youngest son, and spent lots of time with his mother while the dad, Peyton, and oldest son were off doing football. Eli and his mom were really close and did all kinds of things together that you might not expect, like go antiquing. It was a great article, in the NYTimes, I think.

[Anonymous]

I feel blessed not to have a female Tasmanian devil child. My sons had them. HA HA !

[Anonymous]

Mourn it! Trying to deny that you feel this way is a surefire way to never get over it. It's grief like any other, though a small one since you clearly have healthy wonderful children. You'll probably always feel pangs over it, just like any person raising only one sex. But. It will be ok.

And yes, you never know what KIND of girl you'd get. Perhaps one of your sons will fill the role in a special way. And if not, that's ok too.

[Anonymous]

I have two kids, first was a boy. When pg w/ #2 I desperately wanted a girl. So much that I insisted on finding out the gender in advance so that there would be no disappointment in the delivery room. I knew I certainly would love a boy as much as a girl but I didn't want any bit of disappointment to tarnish that moment. I spent the weeks before the u/s talking up to myself all the wonderful things about having just boys -- that brother bond and all my 1st son would gain from it. I got lucky and did find out #2 was (still is!) a girl but in that moment I had a twinge of disappointment that DS wouldn't have that brother-thing I'd been focusing so much on. So, I totally get that desire for a girl. But that moment at the u/s also made me very aware that whatever gender/gender mix you get there are wonderful things about it and things you miss out on when it goes the other way. I love my boy and girl but with this gender mix, neither one gets to have same-gender sibling. As someone who is very close to my sister, I feel the absence of that for them. Fortunately, DD now has two super-close BFFs who are both only children so they are all surrogate sisters to each other.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My single best friend was so bummed when I had girls because she is constantly lamenting the state of men in our society and she thought my husband and I could have raised boys to become amazing men. Obviously, that is flattering, but also a little silly, I thought. I wanted daughters, so was happy to have girls, but lately I've been thinking more about her comment and have often thought how raising sons in this society where expectations, norms and the economy are changing so rapidly would be such a challenge, but also such an amazing opportunity. The world needs a balance of thoughtful and kind men and women and you can do your part, OP, to bring up three of the kind of men we all want to see more of in the world

OP again. This has been oh so helpful. I"m glad I posted. Thank you. Glad to also know I'm not the only one who feels this way. I am pretty embarrassed that I do.

As for the PP above. You are totally right. With the passing of Sheryl Sandburg's husband, I thought. "Wow - I want to raise a son like that. Someone who supports his wife, knows housework and child-raising are just as much his job as hers." And, my husband is like this, too. So, I will raise these delightful sons of mine to be like that. And the bonus to having sons who live life with this egalitarian and beautiful life philosophy is that they will probably attract partners who are strong, ambitious and wonderful, too. (And, to PP saying one of my sons might enjoy spas. I get that - one of my sons (or more than one) might be gay. But I don't think it's quite the same!).

I know there are lots of drawbacks to having girls. Personally, I feel fortunate to skip the princess part and the drama part. But I am sad that a bit of me won't live on in a female/potential mother. And I think my husband (although he's more of a realist so he's over it) has said he's sad to not have a little mini-me to watch grow up. That stuff kills me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My single best friend was so bummed when I had girls because she is constantly lamenting the state of men in our society and she thought my husband and I could have raised boys to become amazing men. Obviously, that is flattering, but also a little silly, I thought. I wanted daughters, so was happy to have girls, but lately I've been thinking more about her comment and have often thought how raising sons in this society where expectations, norms and the economy are changing so rapidly would be such a challenge, but also such an amazing opportunity. The world needs a balance of thoughtful and kind men and women and you can do your part, OP, to bring up three of the kind of men we all want to see more of in the world

OP again. This has been oh so helpful. I"m glad I posted. Thank you. Glad to also know I'm not the only one who feels this way. I am pretty embarrassed that I do.

As for the PP above. You are totally right. With the passing of Sheryl Sandburg's husband, I thought. "Wow - I want to raise a son like that. Someone who supports his wife, knows housework and child-raising are just as much his job as hers." And, my husband is like this, too. So, I will raise these delightful sons of mine to be like that. And the bonus to having sons who live life with this egalitarian and beautiful life philosophy is that they will probably attract partners who are strong, ambitious and wonderful, too. (And, to PP saying one of my sons might enjoy spas. I get that - one of my sons (or more than one) might be gay. But I don't think it's quite the same!).

I know there are lots of drawbacks to having girls. Personally, I feel fortunate to skip the princess part and the drama part. But I am sad that a bit of me won't live on in a female/potential mother. And I think my husband (although he's more of a realist so he's over it) has said he's sad to not have a little mini-me to watch grow up. That stuff kills me.

I am hoping for granddaughters.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Think about what you have instead of what you don't have.
And that's all anyone can wish for you. Wonderful, Healthy and Delightful kids.

+1

[Anonymous]

My MIL is very close with her two sons, and now I'm close with her, too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Boys are so much cheaper than girls. They are happy with a couple of shirts and jeans. They never need ten pairs of shoes; no makeup; one nice navy blue or black suit/blazer goes for every dressy occasion. Looking to the future, you don't have weddings to pay for. I have two sons and one daughter whom I dearly love, but, oh, the drama. None with the boys

What year is it?

[Anonymous]

Op you have 3 HEALTHY boys! Please be grateful for what you have. I know everything in life is relative, and it is OK for you to mourn not having a girl. I get it. I have a boy myself, but he has some special needs which make things very difficult for him and us sometimes. Do I think life might be great if we have another child and it was a girl? Sometimes, but mostly, I just want a normal life, and my child to have a "normal" life. I am grateful for the 1 child I have now, even if things are hard sometimes.

Take a step back and think how lucky you are. You aren't dealing with a special needs child, you were able to conceive and deliver 3 healthy children. Who cares if they are all boys - they are HEALTHY! So many people in this world would give anything to have just 1 healthy child, let alone 3.

Sometimes when we are hoping for things we don't have, or mourning for something that will never be, we need to think about what we DO have. That in itself should help you get over this. You are very fortunate. Maybe spending some time around special needs children might give you some perspective and help you get over this.

I'm not saying any of this to be snarky. It is understandable why you feel this way, and I know other women and men (who wish they had a boy) who have gone through this. I am one of three girls. I'm sure my Dad would have loved a boy (he is mr outdoors fishing, hunting etc.) but that didn't stop him from being a wonderful Dad to all of us. Just focus on the wonderful children you already have.

[Anonymous]

You are definitely not the only one who feels this way. I'm feeling much better about my own life situation after reading this thread!

[Anonymous]

I am sort of in the same boat. My kids are almost 4 and 5 and it looks like a girl (or another baby) just really isn't in the cards. I have given myself a deadline (when my youngest is in K) as the last possible time for another baby. I honestly don't see it happening.

[Anonymous]

I have one of each. If I were to have another, I would want a boy. There's something about the love of a boy - I don't know, it seems more free and sweet, less bound in complications. I love my DD, of course, but she's hard work. I totally agree with the others who said that a girl may not be into the girly things you expect (I wasn't). But my DD is - she loves fashion, makeup, spa outings, etc. I can't say that I really love that stuff, though. Anyway, maybe it would help you to think about the fact that, even if you had a girl, they would have completely their own personality and more than likely it won't be the roses and tutus that you are thinking. I know quite a few people with one of each and I pick up from them the same thing that I feel - boys are often easier to love in some way than girls. Also, I feel that boys will always love their moms and get annoyed at them less often than girls!!

[Anonymous]

Read this very sweet article about raising only boys.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/cheryl-donely/to-the-mother-of-all-boys_b_6991276.html