A mother in law who is jealous of me?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:you sound deranged.

No she doesn't I completely get what she is saying. Troll

+1

OP, I think your MIL found this thread. Yup, she's nuts alright!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, she is insecure. You are younger and doing it better than she did. She doesn't like that. Be nice, but distance yourself, physically. You are not going to win, as far as she is concerned. Let her think she won. You know better.

But OP will be old like MIL one day. So what?

OP will learn what NOT to do, and how NOT to alienate her DIL.

OP, I have this MIL also, I think many of us do. I empathize.

MIL practically tries to ignore our children. It's rather disgusting. It really does teach you how not to behave. Besides, DC are old enough to see what a bitter old woman she is, I don't have to say a word. MIL is nothing but a petulant child. I would bet she has always been this way, and it only gets worse with age. It is not your problem, but rather, the legacy she is leaving for herself. Remember that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It is me OP and I am kind of baffled by those who say she does not like me which is ironic since she has told my FIL serveral times that I am "her favorite" which kind of means nothing since she does what she does. Her actions are speaking louder than her words. I do not think its that she does not like me.

I think she was always been a very competitive person, a woman 45 years ago in law school was not nearly as commplace as it is today. I think that competition is still alive and well and for whatever reason I think she resents my wanting to get ahead. I think she THINKS that life has been very easy for us but truth is both my H and myself spent many years in school to earn the degrees that we have and to pursue the successful careers that we have been lucky to have.

She had issues with 2 of her 4 kids (though today all are very successful) but there is no doubt to hear it from her that raising 3 wild boys was very trying.

My FIL also is a really strong man but not one to dote overly so on his wife. My H is. I think that is the crux of a lot of her resentment.She both admires and resents how he treats me, we have a great relationship and I think while she is happy for her son she really wishes she had that too.

I think its not so much jealousy as it is resentment, the more I have thought about it. Some asked if she does it to others and the answer is a flat yes, she does it to EVERYONE. Some are not as tolerant as we are and she is on practically non speaking terms with them.

For someone who eluded to the fact that I am "living off my husband" I sold a company my sister and I are started years ago and have plenty of my own wealth, so no that is not the case. She made the comment that I married a rich man as a dig, she knows full well how well I did with the selling of our company.

I will not let or anyone else who obviously has some shortcomings they are grappling with bring me down to be made to feel like I am doing something wrong. I think in posting this I actually answered my own questions and helped myself, so thank you.

But what about wanting validation for your hair?! LOL You're ridiculous, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is me OP and I am kind of baffled by those who say she does not like me which is ironic since she has told my FIL serveral times that I am "her favorite" which kind of means nothing since she does what she does. Her actions are speaking louder than her words. I do not think its that she does not like me.

I think she was always been a very competitive person, a woman 45 years ago in law school was not nearly as commplace as it is today. I think that competition is still alive and well and for whatever reason I think she resents my wanting to get ahead. I think she THINKS that life has been very easy for us but truth is both my H and myself spent many years in school to earn the degrees that we have and to pursue the successful careers that we have been lucky to have.

She had issues with 2 of her 4 kids (though today all are very successful) but there is no doubt to hear it from her that raising 3 wild boys was very trying.

My FIL also is a really strong man but not one to dote overly so on his wife. My H is. I think that is the crux of a lot of her resentment.She both admires and resents how he treats me, we have a great relationship and I think while she is happy for her son she really wishes she had that too.

I think its not so much jealousy as it is resentment, the more I have thought about it. Some asked if she does it to others and the answer is a flat yes, she does it to EVERYONE. Some are not as tolerant as we are and she is on practically non speaking terms with them.

For someone who eluded to the fact that I am "living off my husband" I sold a company my sister and I are started years ago and have plenty of my own wealth, so no that is not the case. She made the comment that I married a rich man as a dig, she knows full well how well I did with the selling of our company.

I will not let or anyone else who obviously has some shortcomings they are grappling with bring me down to be made to feel like I am doing something wrong. I think in posting this I actually answered my own questions and helped myself, so thank you.

But what about wanting validation for your hair?! LOL You're ridiculous, OP.

If I didn't know better I would say that that is the OP's MIL!! How on earth is she being ridiculous she was citing an example and yes that was a very petty thing for her to say all she had to say was "looks great" or "yeah nice job" but instead she had to make that a dig as well.
Unfortunately people particularly people at that age or normally insufferable- if it were me I would have to have a sit down and let her know my feelings and if she continues to act that way I would completely distance myself until she understands that that negative behavior will not get the attention she is seeking.

[Anonymous]

It doesn't sound like she is jealous, it sounds like she thinks DH is WAY too good for you (which I suppose most MILs do)- she probably sees you as having married her smart, amazing, handsome, successful son, and sitting back taking advantage of his money.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:you sound deranged.

I agree. You're reading way too much into comments your MIL makes. You don't sound very grounded but rather looking for constant adulation and praise even for your kids' accomplishments.

All OP did was name a few things she thought her MIL would be appreciative and proud of..and her MIL was bitchy about it. She named those things to give examples of how her MIL behaves. She didn't give me the impression that she is constantly asking for praise..but perhaps expecting a happy reaction about happy events regarding her kids, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It doesn't sound like she is jealous, it sounds like she thinks DH is WAY too good for you (which I suppose most MILs do)- she probably sees you as having married her smart, amazing, handsome, successful son, and sitting back taking advantage of his money.

I don't get that at all- I think she's intimidated by all OP has achieved at almost half her age and sadly I think as she gets older it will get worse unless you stop her and refuse to see her until she changes her behavior.

[Anonymous]

I don't know, I'm not buying this story. OP does not seem self-aware or a reliable narrator.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:you sound deranged.

I agree. You're reading way too much into comments your MIL makes. You don't sound very grounded but rather looking for constant adulation and praise even for your kids' accomplishments.

All OP did was name a few things she thought her MIL would be appreciative and proud of..and her MIL was bitchy about it. She named those things to give examples of how her MIL behaves. She didn't give me the impression that she is constantly asking for praise..but perhaps expecting a happy reaction about happy events regarding her kids, etc.

Agree. My MIL is like this. She just can't be happy for me or DH - it hits her hard when something good happens to us, whatever it is. I don't know why, nor will I ever. If it is someone else, she is over the moon, inexplicably. MIL takes everything I do personally, even though I could not be more removed from her.

So yes, OP, you are not alone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't know, I'm not buying this story. OP does not seem self-aware or a reliable narrator.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It doesn't sound like she is jealous, it sounds like she thinks DH is WAY too good for you (which I suppose most MILs do)- she probably sees you as having married her smart, amazing, handsome, successful son, and sitting back taking advantage of his money.

PP here. I am equally as smart, though in different ways, as DH. I am equally (slightly more) educated. DH had nothing when I married him. DH and I don't keep score. Why should MIL? MIL has no dog in this fight.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't know, I'm not buying this story. OP does not seem self-aware or a reliable narrator.

That's a stupid comment how could she not appear to be self-aware if anything she might be too self-aware however the MIL in question sounds like an absolute lunatic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It doesn't sound like she is jealous, it sounds like she thinks DH is WAY too good for you (which I suppose most MILs do)- she probably sees you as having married her smart, amazing, handsome, successful son, and sitting back taking advantage of his money.

I don't get that at all- I think she's intimidated by all OP has achieved at almost half her age and sadly I think as she gets older it will get worse unless you stop her and refuse to see her until she changes her behavior.

How is being a stay at home mom who gets a masters when she has a 20 year old an accomplishment. Some people don't really respect sahm. I don't and I'm an attorney who works.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It doesn't sound like she is jealous, it sounds like she thinks DH is WAY too good for you (which I suppose most MILs do)- she probably sees you as having married her smart, amazing, handsome, successful son, and sitting back taking advantage of his money.

I don't get that at all- I think she's intimidated by all OP has achieved at almost half her age and sadly I think as she gets older it will get worse unless you stop her and refuse to see her until she changes her behavior.

How is being a stay at home mom who gets a masters when she has a 20 year old an accomplishment. Some people don't really respect sahm. I don't and I'm an attorney who works.

Really need to read before you go out and state your opinion she also sold her own company!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It doesn't sound like she is jealous, it sounds like she thinks DH is WAY too good for you (which I suppose most MILs do)- she probably sees you as having married her smart, amazing, handsome, successful son, and sitting back taking advantage of his money.

I don't get that at all- I think she's intimidated by all OP has achieved at almost half her age and sadly I think as she gets older it will get worse unless you stop her and refuse to see her until she changes her behavior.

How is being a stay at home mom who gets a masters when she has a 20 year old an accomplishment. Some people don't really respect sahm. I don't and I'm an attorney who works.

Really need to read before you go out and state your opinion she also sold her own company!!

An attorney who can't read. That's bad!

OP started her own company - before Google In other words, no one will ever know how much money she really has - just like inheritances and investments, etc.

LOVE IT!