A mother in law who is jealous of me?

[Anonymous]

I don't think she's jealous. I don't think she likes you and by extension does't like or care about your children, even though they are also your H's.

My ILs dont care about me or our children. Everything is about H. I can do nothing right - I should SAHM even though I'm the breadwinner (as was my MIL who also never SAH), I gave them the wrong gendered grandchildren, etc. On the other hand, my SIL is a gold digger who doesn't contribute to the family because she doesn't work and doesn't keep the house, has tricked BIL into having too many children, can't cook, etc. (This is according to them, not me, by the way.) They never ask H about our children, only about him, his job, his hobbies, etc. When they visit they ignore our kids, tell them to leave the room so they can talk to H, brush them off if the kids ask them to read a book....

[Anonymous]

Stop expecting her to be anything other than a miserable jerk.
By now you should be surprised if she showed the capacity to be anything but. Just limit your interactions with her and let her comments roll off your back; clearly you're not dealing with a reasonable, kind, rational person so stop expecting anything different.

[Anonymous]

Btw you're not going to get empathy here if you mention your wealth, the coveted sports team and the top college all in one post...you must be new to dcum.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:you sound deranged.

I agree. You're reading way too much into comments your MIL makes. You don't sound very grounded but rather looking for constant adulation and praise even for your kids' accomplishments.

[Anonymous]

Have to agree with pp who is pointed out that this is an accomplished woman in her own right and you want to talk with her about the accomplishments of your children (legitimate parental brag) and your haircut (what? why?) And now you're going back to get a master's. You have been and continue to play around on your husband's paycheck, which is fine, but don't expect MIL to be impressed or even like you.

[Anonymous]

My own mom is bitchy like that (MIL is a whole different flavor of crazy, but more or less benign). In her case, it's a lot more complicated than simple jealousy -- I think she feels rejected when we make choices that are different than what she made, and I think that there's a huge part of her that would like to live vicariously through us, so she gets pissed when we do things that she doesn't feel are worth bragging about at the country club. There's some envy, too -- we're a lot more financially stable than my parents were when they were raising kids -- but it's retroactive envy. They're financially just fine now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Btw you're not going to get empathy here if you mention your wealth, the coveted sports team and the top college all in one post...you must be new to dcum.

I really don't give a crap. That's what it is. And i am sorry if it bothers you! My gosh....the delicacy with which you have to navigate this board borders on the absurd. GROW UP!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My own mom is bitchy like that (MIL is a whole different flavor of crazy, but more or less benign). In her case, it's a lot more complicated than simple jealousy -- I think she feels rejected when we make choices that are different than what she made, and I think that there's a huge part of her that would like to live vicariously through us, so she gets pissed when we do things that she doesn't feel are worth bragging about at the country club. There's some envy, too -- we're a lot more financially stable than my parents were when they were raising kids -- but it's retroactive envy. They're financially just fine now.

Think both of these points are VERY COMMON. We think because they are of a "certain age" that they cannot possibly act this immature but yes that is what it is!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Have to agree with pp who is pointed out that this is an accomplished woman in her own right and you want to talk with her about the accomplishments of your children (legitimate parental brag) and your haircut (what? why?) And now you're going back to get a master's. You have been and continue to play around on your husband's paycheck, which is fine, but don't expect MIL to be impressed or even like you.

That is a ridiculous statement!!! How do you know she "plays around" with her husbands paycheck? I think there are too many presumptions made and lets not forget this is this woman's own grandkids, we are not talking some strangers children for Pete's sake.

[Anonymous]

When someone in life is not nice or does not treat us fairly- you need to stay away. You can be nice but say the bare minimum until she learns how to treat people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Btw you're not going to get empathy here if you mention your wealth, the coveted sports team and the top college all in one post...you must be new to dcum.

Really? I thought mentioning those things identified her as a seasoned DCUMer

[Anonymous]

She is a witch, jealous and hateful. Stay away, people like that are toxic and seriously just have nothing to offer. She sounds in not jealous, very intimidated. Maybe she had to work a lot harder to get somewhere in life than she thinks you two have- does not make it right.

[Anonymous]

OP I don't agree with those jumping on you. and I don't think it is just that she dislikes you. The comments about the kids indicate it goes beyond that.

Agree with early poster, detach, treat as deranged neighbor. Tolerate politely.

[Anonymous]

It is me OP and I am kind of baffled by those who say she does not like me which is ironic since she has told my FIL serveral times that I am "her favorite" which kind of means nothing since she does what she does. Her actions are speaking louder than her words. I do not think its that she does not like me.

I think she was always been a very competitive person, a woman 45 years ago in law school was not nearly as commplace as it is today. I think that competition is still alive and well and for whatever reason I think she resents my wanting to get ahead. I think she THINKS that life has been very easy for us but truth is both my H and myself spent many years in school to earn the degrees that we have and to pursue the successful careers that we have been lucky to have.

She had issues with 2 of her 4 kids (though today all are very successful) but there is no doubt to hear it from her that raising 3 wild boys was very trying.

My FIL also is a really strong man but not one to dote overly so on his wife. My H is. I think that is the crux of a lot of her resentment.She both admires and resents how he treats me, we have a great relationship and I think while she is happy for her son she really wishes she had that too.

I think its not so much jealousy as it is resentment, the more I have thought about it. Some asked if she does it to others and the answer is a flat yes, she does it to EVERYONE. Some are not as tolerant as we are and she is on practically non speaking terms with them.

For someone who eluded to the fact that I am "living off my husband" I sold a company my sister and I are started years ago and have plenty of my own wealth, so no that is not the case. She made the comment that I married a rich man as a dig, she knows full well how well I did with the selling of our company.

I will not let or anyone else who obviously has some shortcomings they are grappling with bring me down to be made to feel like I am doing something wrong. I think in posting this I actually answered my own questions and helped myself, so thank you.

[Anonymous]

Ugh, OP, you have issues!