A mother in law who is jealous of me?

[Anonymous]

I used to think the concept would be near impossible until I have seen it with my own eyes. I have been married for 22 years, great marriage, successful, etc....my husband and I are grounded and have raised 3 wonderful kids who are all doing very well. You would THINK my MIL would be delighted that this were so, but apparently not.

I have noticed especially in the last few years that she is increasingly bitter and always has something neg. to say. I feel like she resents how successful my kids are meanwhile they are her grandkids!! When my D. got into one of the best universities in this country (not ivy) and we excitedly told her the first thing was " why, she couldn't get into an ivy"?

My son made a coveted sports team and my husband called to tell her and her reply was to tell your wife to make sure she puts studies first.

After wearing my hair quite long for years I got it cut to my shoulders, i love it and it makes me look so much younger, the reaction has been overwhelming from those in my circle. She came for dinner whats the first thing she said ONLY after I asked her if she even noticed (we are talking 5" cut here) she says "Well if you're happy and like it then I do too" with a smug expression!

Are you getting the picture? Now this is no ordinary grandmother/MIL. She is a former attorney, no dummy, extremely attractive/fit think along the lines of a Jane Fonda lookalike, is 69 but looks not a day over 60, very well read, traveled, etc.....so I am puzzled why she obviously is so threatened by me and my kids. It just does not make sense, any ideas? Suggestions on how to deal with her? I am stumped and getting increasingly annoyed.

[Anonymous]

you sound deranged.

[Anonymous]

Dettach, and treat her like a mentally unbalanced neighbor who you've invited to dinner. Be polite and cheerful no matter what she says.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:you sound deranged.

I do? Really? How so?

Also forgot the clencher!!! I went back to school this past year for my masters. She did not think it was a good idea...never really stated why. The other night at dinner my husband brought up how proud he is of me, etc....and she said "whats the point really" I mean are you actually planning to work, x"? I said yes of course once the kids get older, I would love to go back and restart my career and her words verbatim were " Lets be honest, you married a rich man, will never have a money issue, you don't need to work for money and you and I both know that you are only doing this to prove that you can. I couldn't speak for a full five minutes. My H and I were floored.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I used to think the concept would be near impossible until I have seen it with my own eyes. I have been married for 22 years, great marriage, successful, etc....my husband and I are grounded and have raised 3 wonderful kids who are all doing very well. You would THINK my MIL would be delighted that this were so, but apparently not.

I have noticed especially in the last few years that she is increasingly bitter and always has something neg. to say. I feel like she resents how successful my kids are meanwhile they are her grandkids!! When my D. got into one of the best universities in this country (not ivy) and we excitedly told her the first thing was " why, she couldn't get into an ivy"?

My son made a coveted sports team and my husband called to tell her and her reply was to tell your wife to make sure she puts studies first.

After wearing my hair quite long for years I got it cut to my shoulders, i love it and it makes me look so much younger, the reaction has been overwhelming from those in my circle. She came for dinner whats the first thing she said ONLY after I asked her if she even noticed (we are talking 5" cut here) she says "Well if you're happy and like it then I do too" with a smug expression!

Are you getting the picture? Now this is no ordinary grandmother/MIL. She is a former attorney, no dummy, extremely attractive/fit think along the lines of a Jane Fonda lookalike, is 69 but looks not a day over 60, very well read, traveled, etc.....so I am puzzled why she obviously is so threatened by me and my kids. It just does not make sense, any ideas? Suggestions on how to deal with her? I am stumped and getting increasingly annoyed.

this is a normal response. what is abnormal is expecting your mil to notice your haircut, and expecting your mil to fawn over your haircut. cuckoo for cocoa puffs.

[Anonymous]

It doesn't sound like jealousy to me as much as maybe she just doesn't like you.

[Anonymous]

More than likely this story is the other way around.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:you sound deranged.

I do? Really? How so?

Also forgot the clencher!!! I went back to school this past year for my masters. She did not think it was a good idea...never really stated why. The other night at dinner my husband brought up how proud he is of me, etc....and she said "whats the point really" I mean are you actually planning to work, x"? I said yes of course once the kids get older, I would love to go back and restart my career and her words verbatim were " Lets be honest, you married a rich man, will never have a money issue, you don't need to work for money and you and I both know that you are only doing this to prove that you can. I couldn't speak for a full five minutes. My H and I were floored.

mil is not jealous of you. SHE DOESN'T LIKE YOU.

[Anonymous]

She sounds like a bitch. Stay away and only speak to her when you absolutely must. She sounds bitter and old even if she doesn't look it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:you sound deranged.

I do? Really? How so?

Also forgot the clencher!!! I went back to school this past year for my masters. She did not think it was a good idea...never really stated why. The other night at dinner my husband brought up how proud he is of me, etc....and she said "whats the point really" I mean are you actually planning to work, x"? I said yes of course once the kids get older, I would love to go back and restart my career and her words verbatim were " Lets be honest, you married a rich man, will never have a money issue, you don't need to work for money and you and I both know that you are only doing this to prove that you can. I couldn't speak for a full five minutes. My H and I were floored.

She told you. She thinks it's a waste of time and money, and you're doing it just to prove a point. Agree with her or not, but she told you.

As for the hair, that is a polite thing to say to someone when you don't like or haven't noticed their haircut.

Nothing wrong with remarking not to forget about studying at the beginning of a sports thing.

What else was there? These are all really minor things.

[Anonymous]

I have a similar MIL. It isn't jealousy - she just can't be happy for others -- ever. Don't take it personally. My kids see it and want very little to do with her.

[Anonymous]

Nasty people alienate themselves and by the time she is 70 NO ONE will want to be with her. People like light happy and positive people...she will make her grand kids hate her.

What she said when you told her about her D's acceptance is just so incredibly rude.

[Anonymous]

This happens a lot with an older generation. They feel they did not have the opportunities this generation of women have had, add 40 years and mix...it becomes a very bitter drink.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:you sound deranged.

I do? Really? How so?

Also forgot the clencher!!! I went back to school this past year for my masters. She did not think it was a good idea...never really stated why. The other night at dinner my husband brought up how proud he is of me, etc....and she said "whats the point really" I mean are you actually planning to work, x"? I said yes of course once the kids get older, I would love to go back and restart my career and her words verbatim were " Lets be honest, you married a rich man, will never have a money issue, you don't need to work for money and you and I both know that you are only doing this to prove that you can. I couldn't speak for a full five minutes. My H and I were floored.

mil is not jealous of you. SHE DOESN'T LIKE YOU.

Yeah, basically this, and based on your posts... can you really blame her?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This happens a lot with an older generation. They feel they did not have the opportunities this generation of women have had, add 40 years and mix...it becomes a very bitter drink.

MIL was a lawyer. She just doesn't like OP