Should a sympathy card include money? If so how much?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am from the UK and giving money in a sympathy card is unheard of

Yeah but y'all are genetically programmed not to show emotion ...

[Anonymous]

A friend of mine just died. I sent a card and check to his spouse with a handwritten note that said (in part), "Please accept this small gift and use it to honor [friend] in whatever way you see fit." It was gratefully received.

[Anonymous]

Interesting to read thru this thread. My impression after reading this and other discussions, as well as thinking about my own experiences, is that a combo of factors -- religious, regional, socioeconomic and yes, racial/ethnic -- come into whether ppl think including money in a sympathy card is appropriate. I was googling bc hubby looked at me askance when I mentioned I wanted to include cash in a sympathy card for someone at work whose husband just passed. No one did so when each of his parents passed (white solidly middle class midwestern Protestant; obits asked for charity donations in lieu of flowers). And, I'm attending funeral of father of different coworker this weekend (fellow physician) and wld never think to give cash to his (South Asian origin) family (who also specified donations in lieu of flowers). But, in the past I've been asked to give to collections for deaths in the families of (white and African-American hourly paid) staff in our practice, for whom funeral costs etc are likely a significant hardship; and have donated to funds set up for future education costs, etc of children of staff who passed. And, although my (Chinese-American) parents would generally send flowers for the funeral or a card, my mom has mentioned before that cash to the family wouldn't be considered inappropriate in some instances (not sure exactly about the circumstances though).

[Anonymous]

Some people ask for donations to offset the cost of funeral. If that's the case then yes. Otherwise no.

[Anonymous]

In my community, we do. In fact we have a book in the family's living room where you can write your donation and sign.

[Anonymous]

Very vulgar.

[Anonymous]

I have always given money with sympathy card. I never realized that was a cultural thing, but it's good to learn. This post has been enlightening.

~a non-rich African American

[Anonymous]

I really think it depends on the culture. I know some people from other countries who do this to help with funeral expenses.

[Anonymous]

I am flabbergasted that anyone would send money with a sympathy card.....it just seems so crass.

[Anonymous]

Very Common. I'm Catholic and from a small town in the Midwest. People generally give money when someone dies. I remember my grandma receiving several thousand dollars when my grandpa died. Sometimes the obituary will requested donations to charity in lieu of flowers/donations, especially if the charity is related to how that person died (cancer, disease, etc)

[Anonymous]

For those who think it's crass or vulgar -- would you donate to a charity if it were specified in the obit? The family who suggests that (probably) is well off enough not to need $$ for expenses. So, if your answer is yes, why not consider giving money to a family directly to help out with the many costs associated with a funeral and accompanying expenses?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

It depends on the area you live in. When I went to bury my mother in her very small Midwest farming town, I immediately started getting cards when I got to her apartment, mostly dropped off by people. When I opened up the first card, I was astonished. There was $2 in it. I thought, "What?" Then I started opening up the flood of cards that came; all had small amounts of money in them: $5, $10, $20. Those small amounts of money aren't much by themselves, but when you add them up over 100 plus cards, it meant I was able to pay for a headstone and other funeral expenses.

The town folks don't make a lot of money, and they know how expensive funerals are. So everyone pitches in a little, to help. It was amazing.

This is so wonderful. When my father passed away, we received a few cards with cash gifts. We are a low income family, so it was very much appreciated.

[Anonymous]

No. Meal service gift certificates, notes that you're sending along a care basket like below, and cleaning service gift certificates are acceptable.

https://www.spoonfulofcomfort.com/

The only time I'd send money is if directly asked for it via GoFundMe or the like because the bereaved couldn't afford funeral expenses.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For those who think it's crass or vulgar -- would you donate to a charity if it were specified in the obit? The family who suggests that (probably) is well off enough not to need $$ for expenses. So, if your answer is yes, why not consider giving money to a family directly to help out with the many costs associated with a funeral and accompanying expenses?

Good point. I would have thought the recipient would have been offended but I guess I was wrong.

[Anonymous]

If this is done in your community Op, then you know what to do. Do what's appropriate locally. But don't be asking here. If you are questioning whether to do it, then no. It's unusual. Most people have never heard of this and would consider it weird and tacky.