After school play date and dinner dilema

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you seem really controlling about food. Would you tell an adult guest that he could only have one roll? Not offer an adult the dessert you are serving?

First of all, if an adult guest asked for a different meal than the one being served, I would not be inviting that guest over again. Secondly, a guest who comes over once a week loses "super special guest rules" status. That person (kid or adult) needs to work within the family framework or cut back on visits.

Yup

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As a parent of a picky eater, I would not expect another family to bend over backwards and make a special meal. In fact, it drives me crazy when people make such a big deal about my daughter eating something, begging her to try this, have a bite of that, oh let me fix this. It almost feels like everyone is held hostage to what she is willing to eat. So usually with both our own dinners and if people ask, we mention the fruits and vegetables she eats so perhaps the side dish makes it into the rotation. Even if she eats that particular fruit/vegetable, she may decide not to eat it that day and I have been very explicit that you don't complain or ask for something else, you politely say no thank you, try to find something you will eat that is being offered, and sit at the table until everyone is finished. In some cases, we have sent food with her but that's usually if for example we know it will be pizza I don't expect the person to cook when everyone else has takeout.

My suggestion is to see if there are 5 fruit/vegetable sides that can make it into the meal rotation that friend will eat. Also, maybe have dessert after his mom picks him up since it sounds like he will never finish his dinner unless you make nuggets and fries. I've actually read in a few places that offering dessert if dinner is finished is actually not a good thing when it comes to picky eaters. I've had my dd hide food so miraculously she is done and could have dessert and waited the kids out an hour while they say they plan to eat dinner so they could have dessert etc, had thm try to negotiate If almost all could qualify for a dessert. In hindsight, I wish I did not go down that path. So anyway, even though your kids have dealt well with dessert, I would find it difficult to have to enforce the same rules on a guest and would prefer to take dessert off the table so to speak while they were there so I don't have to be the enforcer.

Are you freaking crazy?? I can just tell from your post that the reason your kid is picky is because you ALLOW him/her to be. The OP should not be a short-order cook to appease people like your kids. The reason her kids eat things is because she cooks for them daily and she doesn't budge on cereal, nuggets or PB&J as an option. The reason the boy and your child are picky is the parent's fault. It takes 6 times of eating something to know whether you truly don't like or like something. If you barely let your kids try once, they are missing out on a world of food.

OP, no change at all. None - zero. This isn't a once in a while guest. This is a boy you are babysitting every Monday and he eats what you all eat. He can eat crap after he gets home if he wants.

[Anonymous]

He will get over it. Either he eats or he doesn't. He won't fall off the growth chart because he refuses to eat. Maybe he needs to be hungry and understand that either you eat or you go hungry. Plain and simple

[Anonymous]

It takes 6 times of eating something to know whether you truly don't like or like something. If you barely let your kids try once, they are missing out on a world of food.

How could that be? I'm not at all a picky eater, but the very few things that I don't like and won't eat, I knew after one time.

[Anonymous]

Do both the mom and the child a favor and tell her you can no longer watch her son. You are not doing anyone any good with your attitude toward this child. I am sure he picks up on it and you make him feel bad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why don't you suggest on the next night the kid comes over that they kids get to help you plan the menu and make the dinner - many kids will eat what they make, and having input into the meal will be fun for all.

OP here. I do this with my kids in the morning on the drive to school. They're pretty good about coming up with decent dinner ideas. Then in the course of the day, I shop for the ingredients and get most of the dinner prepped if not fully made. When the kids get home from school everyone does homework. The idea of taking 3 or 4 kids to the grocery store to go food shopping and then getting home to assist with homework and make dinner sounds daunting to me. I know there are people out there that can do this, but I'm not one of them.

Do you grocery shop one day at a time or say: Would you like me to make something with chicken breasts, pork chops or tilapia based on what you already have from a previous shopping trip?

I pretty much end up at the grocery store every day for one thing or another. We never seem to run out of things at the same time. Tomorrow I need to purchase, milk, eggs, cream, yogurt, and ketchup. I'll just add whatever the kids want for dinner to the cart.

Are you OP, because I'm now totally confused. You've gone from "we don't short order cook, the kids eat exactly what is served, because of house rules" to "every day my kids tell me what they want to eat, I go to the grocery store and purchase the ingredients, and then I prepare what they asked for". Those are 2 very different philosophies.

I'm the OP. I guess I am a short order cook then. In the morning, I ask the kids what they want for dinner. They tell me. It's usually a realistic request. They may not both agree on the dinner but both of my kids get to pick. Maybe one child picks for Monday and the other child picks for Tuesday. Then I shop and cook. Whatever was made for dinner is what's for dinner. My daughter is the one that loves meatloaf. If that's what she picks, I expect my son to eat it. My son loves lentils...my daughter not so much. But again, I expect that she will eat the dinner that is prepared for the family. And some mornings, when I know I won't have time during the day to go grocery shopping, I don't give the kids a choice. Then I just make dinner from whatever is on hand and expect that they will eat it.

So knowing that one of your family members really doesn't like a food you still expect them to eat it? This is why so many kids are screwed up about food. Forcing a kid to eat something they don't like is really controlling. Most of my family loves beets. One kid really hates them. He has tried them many times and he just can't stomach them. I am not going to force him to eat them. I make him another vegetable on the nights I make beets. Other kid hates meatloaf with a passion. Kid is great eater, loves trying new foods can take him to any restaurant. why would I give up that passion for food just to fight a battle over meatloaf? You make eating sound horrible. It can be a time for fun, exploration and enjoying being together. You approach will all the joy of planning for a battle.

[Anonymous]

You've already received lots of advice and opinions, but will add one more as the mom of a picky eater.
I would try to find a middle ground. No special foods made, but I would make an effort to see that there is something on the table that he likes. For example, if he likes grapes, I would make it a point to have grapes on the table, or on plates, when he comes. Eating a dinner roll and some grapes, along with something to drink, should be enough to keep a child from being hungry until his parent can pick him up and give him whatever s/he chooses. If you have a rule that kids have to try a bit of something before getting dessert, and he can't do that, I would probably stick to my rule, but maybe once a while announce a special "dessert for everyone" night. That eases things a bit and also shows your children that food rules need flexibility too.
Good luck.