After school play date and dinner dilema

[Anonymous]

My son has a friend in school. Once a week his mom has to work late. The kids get along well and her late evenings have sort have evolved into a weekly standing play date. She usually picks him up around 7. This means that once a week her kid eats dinner with us. Again I have no issues with the child having dinner with our family. But this kid only eats Mac & cheese, hot dogs, and chicken nuggets. I don't tend to make that for our family meal. We also have a rule at the dinner table that 1) you are not excused until everyone is done and 2) you don't get dessert unless you eat dinner. This means that if you don't eat dinner you stay at the table while others have dessert.

This kid is not doing well with the rules of the dinner table. He won't eat dinner and then of course wants dessert. I don't mind making the chicken nuggets once in a while but it's not going to be a weekly thing. I've spoken with his mom about this and she says my house, my rules. I appreciate her support but I do feel bad for the kid. And 7 is late not to eat anything except for what you've had for lunch. The kids get out of school at 3 and I serve dinner at 5 so I don't give them a snack after school. The kid won't eat salad or vegetables. The kid will eat a dinner roll but again, I have a one roll rule. I try to avoid my kids filling up on bread at dinner. Whatever the boy is allowed to do, my kids will also want to do.

Is there anything I can do?

[Anonymous]

Have his mom pack him a sack dinner
He can eat what his mom sends

[Anonymous]

You sound really cool and the mom sounds cool about your house your rules. That is a good rule. I know it is tired advice, but with a really yummy tempting dessert, everyone has to try everything, and always make sure there is one thing that he likes (even if it's the darn roll)

[Anonymous]

Will he eat fruit? My one kid won't eat vegetables so his spot for that gets fruit... for now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: I've spoken with his mom about this and she says my house, my rules.

I'd stay the course.

[Anonymous]

Would he eat a sandwich? On nights my picky kid won't eat the family dinner, I let him have a peanut butter sandwich.

In your case, I'd probably also loosen up the "one roll" rule for him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Would he eat a sandwich? On nights my picky kid won't eat the family dinner, I let him have a peanut butter sandwich.

In your case, I'd probably also loosen up the "one roll" rule for him.

This is good advice. You could always have a PBJ sandwich or a bowl of cereal at our house.

[Anonymous]

Ask the mom more specifically how you both can make the situation better and ensure her kid eats something. Lunch to 7:00 is way too long to go without food.

[Anonymous]

Tell your kids that the boy is your guest and guests fall under different rules.

Don't cook special meals but loosen up the one roll rule, let him add some PB etc. Tell mom she can send stuff for him to eat (maybe some extra cheese etc?)

And let him eat dessert no matter what else he eats (again tell the kids "guests are different"

You aren't raising this child. You don't know what his food issues are, and you don't know for sure that if he were your child, he would eat just as your other children do. He might or he might not. You may suspect you know why he only eats certain foods (because his mom doesn't make him/isn't as strict as you are) but you honestly don't know that for sure, and short of adopting him and forcing him to live with your food rules, you don't know and can't change him.

Don't make meals a battle with someone else's kid. Don't make special meals for him, but let him eat whatever you have including dessert.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Will he eat fruit? My one kid won't eat vegetables so his spot for that gets fruit... for now.

I like this idea. I have no idea if he will eat fruit or not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ask the mom more specifically how you both can make the situation better and ensure her kid eats something. Lunch to 7:00 is way too long to go without food.

This. Do not get no snacks. We always have a snack after school. I would give a snack, offer dinner and if he refuses he sits at the table and can eat when mom gets him.

We had a situation like this. Kid would only eat nuggets. I made shake and bake as it is a bit better with real chicken and he lived it with some homemade fries. We ask our child who is a picky eater to take one bit now that is is older. You could try that and offer an alternative like a sandwich.

[Anonymous]

OP here---For those of you that offer alternatives, how to you handle a it? For example--my son will eat meatloaf. It's not his favorite dinner, but he will eat it. However, if a PB&J sandwich was also offered, he would select that. So how do you handle offering one child a different option that you don't want the other children to also have? And I don't want to get into a habit of alternatives being available for dinner.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ask the mom more specifically how you both can make the situation better and ensure her kid eats something. Lunch to 7:00 is way too long to go without food.

This. Do not get no snacks. We always have a snack after school. I would give a snack, offer dinner and if he refuses he sits at the table and can eat when mom gets him.

We had a situation like this. Kid would only eat nuggets. I made shake and bake as it is a bit better with real chicken and he lived it with some homemade fries. We ask our child who is a picky eater to take one bit now that is is older. You could try that and offer an alternative like a sandwich.

I don't do snacks after school because I find that the kids aren't hungry for dinner. I used to make a snack plate for the kids. When I did it, it was cut up veggies with hummus or ranch dressing, some cheese cubes, and usually a few pretzels. I could go back to trying this again on the nights the kid is with us. I'll assume that he won't touch the raw veggies but maybe he would eat some cheese and pretzels.

[Anonymous]

yes, stay the course

[Anonymous]

Stay the course. Or explain to your child separately that the guest is in a particular situation and doesn't have to eat certain things but your child still does. I have had to do this before. Kids can be surprisingly accepting of sucky rules.