After school play date and dinner dilema

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here---For those of you that offer alternatives, how to you handle a it? For example--my son will eat meatloaf. It's not his favorite dinner, but he will eat it. However, if a PB&J sandwich was also offered, he would select that. So how do you handle offering one child a different option that you don't want the other children to also have? And I don't want to get into a habit of alternatives being available for dinner.

I would pick something that is a compromise like shake and bake chicken that you could make nugget style and save meatloaf for another night. Or, do an easy sandwich dinner night that one day a week and forget it. It is not worth the power struggle. Keep desert for after the child leaves. Or, offer a snack after school and if he does not like what you are serving he can wait for mom. But no food for lunch till 7:30 is overboard. I have a picky eater so I get your concern but with some kids, they are not going to compromise so you have to find a balance. My child will eat raw veggies but not cooked. Who cares....fine with me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here---For those of you that offer alternatives, how to you handle a it? For example--my son will eat meatloaf. It's not his favorite dinner, but he will eat it. However, if a PB&J sandwich was also offered, he would select that. So how do you handle offering one child a different option that you don't want the other children to also have? And I don't want to get into a habit of alternatives being available for dinner.

Private conversation with my son that explains why the other kid has special rules. That it is generally your house your rules, but also stress that you are not his mother and this was the compromise you agreed upon. Say that this compromise is the only way to keep having him as a regular guest, and part of the compromise is that the compromise doesn't affect the rules for your own children.

This is what I would do op. But I like the idea of serving dessert after the child leaves at 7 PM. That avoids the issue entirely (although I think you said you eat dinner at 5 PM so dessert at 7 is hard.) STill talk with your kids and explain that this is a compromise.

[Anonymous]

If you can come up with something that the kid will eat that's easy, like bread and cheese or PB and J, then I'd simply put it out with the meal, and allow your kid to have it too. Serve it with something your kid really likes if it you're worried about your kid filling up. Then either serve dessert to everyone, or have it after the guest leaves.

[Anonymous]

Stay the course. If he were hungry he would eat. He is not going to starve between lunch and getting picked up if he gets milk and bread.

He needs to learn that the world does cater to his narrow tastes. You are providing a safe place, a meal (even if rejected). You are not a short order cook.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Stay the course. If he were hungry he would eat. He is not going to starve between lunch and getting picked up if he gets milk and bread.

He needs to learn that the world does cater to his narrow tastes. You are providing a safe place, a meal (even if rejected). You are not a short order cook.

EXACTLY!!!!

Sorry, you make dinner. He eats what is served or nothing at all. He can have the junk his mom feeds him when she picks him up. She backed you up. No big deal.

That said, no snack after school? My Kid eats at 11am. There is no way she could go until 5pm with nothing else. Kids barely eat at lunch. Very little time. I would at least offer an apple or cheesestick. It won't ruin dinner.

[Anonymous]

I'd go with a fruit or veggie snack. Skip the cheese cubes and pretzels, but apple or orange slices, or carrot and celery sticks aren't going to keep anyone from eating dinner.

He may refuse those too at first, but at least you gave him the option. I bet he'll come around on fruit, especially if it's a constant, before he comes around on your healthy meals that vary depending on the week.

Other than that, hang in there.

[Anonymous]

A guest should eat what is served and not demand other food. The mom should have been upset that her child was acting so rude.

OP - you serve whatever dinner you have planned. If the child doesn't eat it so be it. You also will have to teach some manners and explain when he is guest at someone's house, that he should taste what is served, not declare it tastes bad, and not ask for something special to be made. Lastly, no dessert while he is at your house. Serve it to your own kids after he leaves.

If he complains or his mom complains, let her know she is free to make other child care arrangements.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A guest should eat what is served and not demand other food. The mom should have been upset that her child was acting so rude.

OP - you serve whatever dinner you have planned. If the child doesn't eat it so be it. You also will have to teach some manners and explain when he is guest at someone's house, that he should taste what is served, not declare it tastes bad, and not ask for something special to be made. Lastly, no dessert while he is at your house. Serve it to your own kids after he leaves.

If he complains or his mom complains, let her know she is free to make other child care arrangements.

My parents were pretty easy-going about food, if we didn't like dinner we could have cereal instead. But I had friends with stricter parents, and I was always terrified to be invited over to dinner at their house. It was so stressful, knowing that one wrong move on my part would reflect poorly on me and my parents, and that the family would be judging whether I ate too much or too little, regardless of whether I liked the food or hated it.

I feel bad for OP's kid's friend. Poor kid.

[Anonymous]

Why don't you suggest on the next night the kid comes over that they kids get to help you plan the menu and make the dinner - many kids will eat what they make, and having input into the meal will be fun for all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why don't you suggest on the next night the kid comes over that they kids get to help you plan the menu and make the dinner - many kids will eat what they make, and having input into the meal will be fun for all.

OP here. I do this with my kids in the morning on the drive to school. They're pretty good about coming up with decent dinner ideas. Then in the course of the day, I shop for the ingredients and get most of the dinner prepped if not fully made. When the kids get home from school everyone does homework. The idea of taking 3 or 4 kids to the grocery store to go food shopping and then getting home to assist with homework and make dinner sounds daunting to me. I know there are people out there that can do this, but I'm not one of them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why don't you suggest on the next night the kid comes over that they kids get to help you plan the menu and make the dinner - many kids will eat what they make, and having input into the meal will be fun for all.

OP here. I do this with my kids in the morning on the drive to school. They're pretty good about coming up with decent dinner ideas. Then in the course of the day, I shop for the ingredients and get most of the dinner prepped if not fully made. When the kids get home from school everyone does homework. The idea of taking 3 or 4 kids to the grocery store to go food shopping and then getting home to assist with homework and make dinner sounds daunting to me. I know there are people out there that can do this, but I'm not one of them.

Oops, I mis read. I see what you are saying. When the kid comes over this week, ask him to help plan the menu for next week. That's a great idea!

[Anonymous]

Would do my regular family meal. If he eats he eats, if he doesn't he doesn't. Give him dessert, but explain to your child the exception to the rule.

[Anonymous]

OP, you seem really controlling about food. Would you tell an adult guest that he could only have one roll? Not offer an adult the dessert you are serving?

[Anonymous]

You could tell the mom that from here on out, he will be expected to try a bite of what you are serving. It's rude not to.

Once he's finished that let him have a roll or two, and desert. This isn't your fight. Explain to your kids that he is your guest and is used to different rules.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why don't you suggest on the next night the kid comes over that they kids get to help you plan the menu and make the dinner - many kids will eat what they make, and having input into the meal will be fun for all.

OP here. I do this with my kids in the morning on the drive to school. They're pretty good about coming up with decent dinner ideas. Then in the course of the day, I shop for the ingredients and get most of the dinner prepped if not fully made. When the kids get home from school everyone does homework. The idea of taking 3 or 4 kids to the grocery store to go food shopping and then getting home to assist with homework and make dinner sounds daunting to me. I know there are people out there that can do this, but I'm not one of them.

Do you grocery shop one day at a time or say: Would you like me to make something with chicken breasts, pork chops or tilapia based on what you already have from a previous shopping trip?