After school play date and dinner dilema
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Anonymous
I pretty much end up at the grocery store every day for one thing or another. We never seem to run out of things at the same time. Tomorrow I need to purchase, milk, eggs, cream, yogurt, and ketchup. I'll just add whatever the kids want for dinner to the cart. |
Anonymous
First of all, if an adult guest asked for a different meal than the one being served, I would not be inviting that guest over again. Secondly, a guest who comes over once a week loses "super special guest rules" status. That person (kid or adult) needs to work within the family framework or cut back on visits. |
Anonymous
Are you OP, because I'm now totally confused. You've gone from "we don't short order cook, the kids eat exactly what is served, because of house rules" to "every day my kids tell me what they want to eat, I go to the grocery store and purchase the ingredients, and then I prepare what they asked for". Those are 2 very different philosophies. |
Anonymous
I'm the OP. I guess I am a short order cook then. In the morning, I ask the kids what they want for dinner. They tell me. It's usually a realistic request. They may not both agree on the dinner but both of my kids get to pick. Maybe one child picks for Monday and the other child picks for Tuesday. Then I shop and cook. Whatever was made for dinner is what's for dinner. My daughter is the one that loves meatloaf. If that's what she picks, I expect my son to eat it. My son loves lentils...my daughter not so much. But again, I expect that she will eat the dinner that is prepared for the family. And some mornings, when I know I won't have time during the day to go grocery shopping, I don't give the kids a choice. Then I just make dinner from whatever is on hand and expect that they will eat it. |
Anonymous
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I think it's easy enough on those nights the boy is there to make some more "build your own" meals. Like have all the fixings for tacos/burritos--put out taco shells, tortillas, beans/meat, cheese, lettuce tomato, guacamole. If he chooses a tortilla and cheese, so be it, no arguments. Build your own rice bowl: teriyaki chicken, rice, veggies, corn, etc. He may just eat plain rice, so be it, no arguments. Make your own pizza--whole wheat crust, cheese, veggies.
I'm guessing your kids will still follow a healthy plan and choose the protein and veg, but it doesn't seem like friend is getting a special meal. Also...dessert doesn't have to happen every night! |
Anonymous
| If it is an issue, why not just have his mom pack him something to eat? That seems to solve everything - you don't have to cook something different to accommodate him, and he can just eat his own sandwich or whatever that his mom made him. It will not raise as many questions with your kids as you making him something different from your house. |
Anonymous
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Anonymous
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Are you annoyed this kid is over 1x a week or is it okay with you?
Besides the dinner issue, is his behavior generally acceptable? Is he a good friend to your kid? How old is he? Did you agree to this standing play date set-up so the kid's mom could work late? Does she ever do you any favors in return? I am just wondering if there are other issues going on or not, such as the kid is annoying, you feel resentful having him over 1x a week, etc... If there are no other underlying issues and it is just his pickiness at dinner, I'd just be sure to make something he liked. What about taco bar or spaghetti and serve salad with both. |
Anonymous
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OP, how old are all the kids in question? You do sound very, um, somewhat regimented about food (only snacks offered were veggies with hummus? and now not even that?) I can imagine that flying with a couple of 4yos but not with my 5ft tall fifth grader.
I would either ask his mother to pack him something or find a couple of simple, reasonably healthy options that he likes. Baked chicken with egg noodles and some tolerable veggie. You can always up the gourmet factor for your family. I have 2 kids who have vastly different eating preferences, and I use a kind of bento box approach; lots of little bowls of different fruits and veggies for each meal, one kid might eat 5 different things, his brother will eat a couple of apple slices and a bowl of peas or broccoli (the entirety of his fruit and veggie repertoire.) |
Anonymous
+1 Too many rules going on here. Time to ease up. |
Anonymous
| I think you need to rethink the no snack after school thing. My kids always came home from school starving. I cannot image telling them they had to wait until supper. |
Anonymous
In that case, I'd allow the visitor to have a say in what's chosen. I'll also say that you seem to put an incredible amount of effort into making sure your kids eat dinner. You see veggies and hummus, dinner rolls, and visitors as threats to their eating, and despite depriving them of food for hours before the meal, and letting them choose what they want, you still need to use a combination of bribe and punishment (sitting and watching your sibling eat dessert) to get them to eat. When are your kids going to learn to decide for themselves how hungry they are, and to regulate their own eating? |
Anonymous
Since I haven't answered this before, the boys are in the same class at school. Lunch time is from 12:30-1. At back to school night, parents were told to also send their children with an afternoon snack in case the child got hungry before the school day ended. I do this for my children. If my children eat their lunch from 12:30-1 and then eat another snack around 2:30 at school, I don't see why I am depriving them of food if I make them wait until 5pm for dinner. The boys are 8. I really don't think it's unreasonable to ask them to go 2.5 hours without food after having consumed a meal and snack. I don't view sitting at the table until everyone is done as a punishment. When you are at a restaurant and some one orders dessert and you don't, do you just get up and leave? Or do you sit at the table and sip your drink and continue the conversation? And as for dessert being a bribe, I don't deprive my children from it and I don't argue that dessert is a special occassion treat, but if you're too full to eat your dinner, than you're too full to eat anything else. How can you possibly eat dessert if your stomach is full (therefore you've regulated your own eating). My children serve themselves. They take the portions that they feel they can eat. I do not pre-plate their food. They make those decisions for themselves. If my kids are not that hungry and they know they want dessert, they take smaller portions. |
Anonymous
The kid is a nice kid. He's polite and respectful. I agreed to the play date once. Which then became Johnny had such a nice time that he'd like to do it again. And then over the last few months, it's become an unofficial standing play date. Of course, if my kids have something going on like an after school drs appt, I just tell his mom that we can't do the play date that day. I could try a taco bar--I don't know if he eats ground meat. He's turned down hamburgers, sloppy joes, meatloaf, and speghetti with red meat sauce. When I ask what he doesn't like about the meal, he just says he doesn't like it. I don't push for a deeper answer. |
Anonymous
| He may be one of these kids that only like single-ingredient foods plus Mac and cheese. I like the assemble-your-own idea. |