Brother leaves same-sex partner for a woman and wants to bring her home for the holidays

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am 'bout sick and tired of thinking they can do whatever they want without consideration of how their BEHAVIOUR affects others, then these others are supposed to co-sign on their dumb-ass s***.
OP's brother can sleep with entire population of Maine, but that dies not mean that OP has to host everyone of those M*****F*******!

Yes! Exactly! Good God, this is not about judgement! It is about OP's brother being an inconsiderate SHIT and ruining everyone's Christmas. They are just beginning to cope with the loss of his ex-partner as a family member. That is a big deal. And he is expecting them to keep his affair a secret too! WTH? Why can't anyone see how crappy he is being? OP has no obligation to have this in her house for the holidays. He is imposing his sex life on her and her family.

As a kid, I can say no one ever ruined Christmas for me. My uncle's brought women in and out. I didn't bat an eye, because I was a child and it was CHRISTMAS. I didn't give a damn about adult problems or my Uncle's new floozy.

I did! My uncle had a wonderful GF whom we considered our "Aunt." We loved her! One day I learned that he had moved a younger woman into the house while he was still with GF #1. This was horrifying to me! Soon after, our "aunt" moved out and we never saw her again. I still hate my fucking uncle and think my parents should have shielded me from this horrible situation. I never liked the new GF either. Now he is 70 and has a GF in her 20's. Lovely.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am 'bout sick and tired of thinking they can do whatever they want without consideration of how their BEHAVIOUR affects others, then these others are supposed to co-sign on their dumb-ass s***.
OP's brother can sleep with entire population of Maine, but that dies not mean that OP has to host everyone of those M*****F*******!

Yes! Exactly! Good God, this is not about judgement! It is about OP's brother being an inconsiderate SHIT and ruining everyone's Christmas. They are just beginning to cope with the loss of his ex-partner as a family member. That is a big deal. And he is expecting them to keep his affair a secret too! WTH? Why can't anyone see how crappy he is being? OP has no obligation to have this in her house for the holidays. He is imposing his sex life on her and her family.

As a kid, I can say no one ever ruined Christmas for me. My uncle's brought women in and out. I didn't bat an eye, because I was a child and it was CHRISTMAS. I didn't give a damn about adult problems or my Uncle's new floozy.

I did! My uncle had a wonderful GF whom we considered our "Aunt." We loved her! One day I learned that he had moved a younger woman into the house while he was still with GF #1. This was horrifying to me! Soon after, our "aunt" moved out and we never saw her again. I still hate my fucking uncle and think my parents should have shielded me from this horrible situation. I never liked the new GF either. Now he is 70 and has a GF in her 20's. Lovely.

Oh btw, I was 5 or 6 at the time. Kids are smarter than people think.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
This. If your oldest was 2 my answer might be different, but 5 is old enough to see this stuff and make impressions of the world from it. So you will either (a) sanction throwing over your partner for an affair / a complete lack of commitment in your relationships, or (b) have conversations about how people we love do horrible things that we don't approve of but we still love them. And while (b) could actually be good, I'm not sure how you make that the take home message rather than (a) if you tacitly support your brothers new relationship mere weeks after the breakup.

What a mess. Sorry OP.

Also? Agree with the posters saying your brother needs to grow the hell up. If he is so unhappy in his relationship then yes, breakup. But deal with that relationship ending before just starting up with your new fling. People and relationships shouldn't be treated as disposable, and I sure as hell don't want my kids to think they are.

And to that end. I would absolutely reach out to the Ex. After 10 years I'm sure you all have relationships directly with him aside from your brother, and your brother doesn't have the right to unilaterally end all the collateral relationships.

I completely agree with this poster.

Your brother is in couples therapy with his ex. He needs to close this chapter of his life before he moves on. It ain't closed!

[Anonymous]

This is the OP, and I thank everyone for the spirited debate! Lots of good points to consider here, besides the ridiculous homophobe post. I've decided that I've already expressed to my brother that this will be awkward for all of us and not our first choice to have her. And I'm just going to let him chew on that and roll with whatever decision he makes, hoping he'll come to his senses. If he brings her, fine -- we'll welcome her. I don't want to damage my relationship with my brother by forbidding him to bring her. Although I will encourage him to tell the ex-partner what's going on so we don't feel like we're keeping secrets from him. The ex-partner actually reached out today to tell me he is coming to town for work and wants to come by to say hello to the family, which I only feel awkward about because there's this secret I'm now in on. Uhg.

And as a previous poster pointed out, it's still six weeks away, so who knows what new drama will have developed in his love life. Pass the wine!

[Anonymous]

Tell brother about the impending visit from the ex and suggest that he come clean and tell about his new life so you won't have to tiptoe around secrets or potentially have to lie. Also tell him to anticipate your kids asking about ex during the holidays and that he - and the GF- be prepared to deal with that comfortably.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is the OP, and I thank everyone for the spirited debate! Lots of good points to consider here, besides the ridiculous homophobe post. I've decided that I've already expressed to my brother that this will be awkward for all of us and not our first choice to have her. And I'm just going to let him chew on that and roll with whatever decision he makes, hoping he'll come to his senses. If he brings her, fine -- we'll welcome her. I don't want to damage my relationship with my brother by forbidding him to bring her. Although I will encourage him to tell the ex-partner what's going on so we don't feel like we're keeping secrets from him. The ex-partner actually reached out today to tell me he is coming to town for work and wants to come by to say hello to the family, which I only feel awkward about because there's this secret I'm now in on. Uhg.

And as a previous poster pointed out, it's still six weeks away, so who knows what new drama will have developed in his love life. Pass the wine!

I think this sounds like a great solution. Gracious, while still standing up for the important principles.

[Anonymous]

I absolutely would not lie for my brother and I'd make that clear to him. You don't have to go out of your way to tell ex about new GF but if he asks, be honest. It's not your mess to worry about and it sounds like the ex deserves respect.

Also, I'd be leery about having this "strange" girl come to your house. You don't know anything about it; she could be a thief or nutcase or anything.

If nothing else, she's going to feel really awkward sitting there while everyone else is opening gifts. IT sucks watching that when it's your own extended family, but double sucks when it's friends or people you don't know. And it's awkward for your family sitting there feeling sorry for how awkward she is. In any case, maybe he hasn't even asked her if she wants to go and was just feeling it out w/ you first. Or maybe they'll break up by then. Who knows.

[Anonymous]

I'm wondering if your brother realizes that the kids might tell the ex partner about the woman their uncle brought home for Christmas. I know my daughter would have talked about it. She had a knack for bringing up everything at the exact worst times.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hahahahahaha .


Told ya it's a choice. Suck it PC ers!

Turns out 10000 years of human history and the bible are right about the nature of sexuality and the PCers are bumbling idiots.

So, you could choose to be gay if you wanted?

What's that? You couldn't?

I see.

[Anonymous]

The brother has moved on. Get over it. It's not your life. If you don't want to invite the woman over, fine but you don't get to decide who he is allowed to be with.

[Anonymous]

This is a win , no weird gay kissing or any other gayisms

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Yes ! Times have changed! Sorry this is stressing you OP. But, yea for humanity!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:By the way, it sounds like your brother needs to grow up.
Honestly, I cannot imagine leaving my DH and then taking up with someone new and a month later bringing him to my relatives' house for Christmas, ESPECIALLY without asking.
Tell your brother to grow up.

+1 here. Kids do have a hard time with this and they are more important in your home as they are your responsibility. Set the boundaries you are comfortable with, state them, then it is his choice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is the OP, and I thank everyone for the spirited debate! Lots of good points to consider here, besides the ridiculous homophobe post. I've decided that I've already expressed to my brother that this will be awkward for all of us and not our first choice to have her. And I'm just going to let him chew on that and roll with whatever decision he makes, hoping he'll come to his senses. If he brings her, fine -- we'll welcome her. I don't want to damage my relationship with my brother by forbidding him to bring her. Although I will encourage him to tell the ex-partner what's going on so we don't feel like we're keeping secrets from him. The ex-partner actually reached out today to tell me he is coming to town for work and wants to come by to say hello to the family, which I only feel awkward about because there's this secret I'm now in on. Uhg.

And as a previous poster pointed out, it's still six weeks away, so who knows what new drama will have developed in his love life. Pass the wine!

OP you sound like a very reasonable person. But I don't get why your brother is still in counseling with the Ex, and why he doesn't want ex to know about new gf. Sounds very fishy. Maybe he is trying to keep that door open and just have some fun? Sounds like such a d#ckish thing to do. I agree with others that you should let him know that you won't lie for him. Don't get caught up in this web of deceit.

[Anonymous]

MarleySkye840 wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OMG, where's your holiday spirit? This poor girl has no one to spend the holidays with. Sometimes it's nice to just be surrounded by people. let me ask you this. If your brother was still with his partner and called you and said a friend from work that I'm close to will be all alone at Christmas and it breaks my heart to know she'll be eating a tv dinner alone in her apartment. Can partner and I bring her to your house? how would you respond? You'd probably say it's not a big deal.

you're only making this a big deal because he's sleeping with her - and you don't need to tell your kids that. Say she's Uncle Bob's friend who can't be with her family during Christmas, so we are letting her come to our house and share our family with her for the holiday. how hard is that - and you can teach your kids something about opening your heart and home to those less fortunate (even those less emotionally fortunate).

+1,000,000

Please stop with the "You'll have to explain this to the kids" shtick. Op, you really won't. Yeah, kids are liable to ask awkward questions but that is the nature of relationships. I had a much older brother when I was growing up and one night he brought his new Gf over for dinner. I loudly asked "What happened to Jenny!?". We all survived even though that was certainly uncomfortable for them.

I think you (PPs) are using the kids as an excuse for your own opinions of this girl. FWIW, Op, you don't even know her. She may be a great person, but you are judging her on here because of your brother's actions and that isn't fair.

Also, the relationship is between your brother, his ex, and the new GF. This is no one else's battle to pick. If there is any awkwardness between that trio, then whatever. I don't understand this idea that the uncle is "ruining Xmas". The kids will learn sooner or later that sometimes relationships don't work and people move on. So please, move on.

Give me a break. People's actions do not happen in a vacuum and have consequences.y house , my rules. No, you dont get to just invite a stranger to my home without asking me. Maybe I want to have ex drop by at some point, he is family too and my kids' uncle as well. You made him that to them, so now you change your mind I have do so too at the drop of a hat. I do not care to be complicit in your secretive relationship and lies to your ex. You can do what you want, just not at my house.