Will I regret having only one child?

[Anonymous]

My mom still isn't over being an only and she projects crap onto my relationship with my brother as a result. My bro and I are fine--not great friends but committed to each other and the relationship. I try to raise my son with less handwringing over what didn't happen. My son likes being an only.

For the record, my mom was an only for many reasons--mostly because her parents struggled, lived and sUpported other relatives, and drank too much. Those are the things that made her childhood lonely and not the missing sibling.

Have one, don't have one. Either way your kid will get something and lose something else.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:2 is a good number

+1 Your child would like a sibling.

And you know this because you know the OP's child personally?

Trust me.

Because why.

I did ask my son, and he likes things as they are. He is a tween now and still likes it this way. He likes the quiet.

Nothing wrong with having more, but it isn't the only good way to be a family.

[Anonymous]

There are many awesome things about being an only and having an only, and there a lots of great things about having multiples.

[Anonymous]

I will tell you that my father is an only child, and it was extremely difficult for him caring for his aging parents. It was mostly because they were in a different, far country than us. But he did often talk about how much easier it would have been if he had a sibling.

However, you never know whether a sibling will decrease the burden. In fact, it could be another person for your DS to care for. Or that sibling could do nothing, which would lead to resentment.

In short, you never know what the future holds. Do what is best for you now. My father made it work, and it probably would have worked better if his parents lived in the states.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There are many awesome things about being an only and having an only, and there a lots of great things about having multiples.

I have an only. Couldn't have anymore children post cancer treatment. SHe's awesome and god's gift to us. We have our moments when we wish we could have another, but we cannot. I had a sister who was always nasty to me. We get along now, but.... I wouldn't say we are close.

There are tradeoffs and benefits to all of it..

[Anonymous]

No, you'll thank yourself.

[Anonymous]

I am an only and my mom, who's still living, is an only.

I had a great childhood. We traveled, had vacation homes, attended good schools, etc. And I had many friends - still do!

But I had two - b/c as an older mom, I didn't want to put all that pressure on one child. Of course, there are no guarantees. And we do have long-term healthcare and investments.

But finances aside, that emotional support is very important when dealing with aging and/or sick parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am an only and my mom, who's still living, is an only.

I had a great childhood. We traveled, had vacation homes, attended good schools, etc. And I had many friends - still do!

But I had two - b/c as an older mom, I didn't want to put all that pressure on one child. Of course, there are no guarantees. And we do have long-term healthcare and investments.

But finances aside, that emotional support is very important when dealing with aging and/or sick parents.

For me, my spouse, cousins and other relatives, and friends were much more important to me than my siblings when I was dealing with my aging, sick, and now deceased parents. This is different for everyone, of course, but I think I am not unique in this regard.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am an only and my mom, who's still living, is an only.

I had a great childhood. We traveled, had vacation homes, attended good schools, etc. And I had many friends - still do!

But I had two - b/c as an older mom, I didn't want to put all that pressure on one child. Of course, there are no guarantees. And we do have long-term healthcare and investments.

But finances aside, that emotional support is very important when dealing with aging and/or sick parents.

For me, my spouse, cousins and other relatives, and friends were much more important to me than my siblings when I was dealing with my aging, sick, and now deceased parents. This is different for everyone, of course, but I think I am not unique in this regard.

I'm an only too and have hardly any extended family. It's not a nice feeling either as a child or as an adult. I have two children now. If your child is going to have supportive aunts, uncles and cousins then that is so much better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am an only and my mom, who's still living, is an only.

I had a great childhood. We traveled, had vacation homes, attended good schools, etc. And I had many friends - still do!

But I had two - b/c as an older mom, I didn't want to put all that pressure on one child. Of course, there are no guarantees. And we do have long-term healthcare and investments.

But finances aside, that emotional support is very important when dealing with aging and/or sick parents.

For me, my spouse, cousins and other relatives, and friends were much more important to me than my siblings when I was dealing with my aging, sick, and now deceased parents. This is different for everyone, of course, but I think I am not unique in this regard.

I'm an only too and have hardly any extended family. It's not a nice feeling either as a child or as an adult. I have two children now. If your child is going to have supportive aunts, uncles and cousins then that is so much better.

I'm the PP you quoted. No, our child doesn't ave involved uncles/aunts, despite DH and me having three siblings. However, there are some cousins, godparents, etc. I'm sure this is very different in families without all the divorces and other problems our families of origin had, but sometimes even with siblings you have to cultivate other family and friend relationships for yourself and your own child or children.

[Anonymous]

I too am an only and my parents were immigrants, so all of our extended family was a fourteen hour flight away. It was lonely and I always felt there was something missing. Friends come and go; they don't have blood ties to hold them. Eldercare (my father recently passed) was a lonely nightmare. Childcare has been that way too. Unfortunately it all happened together.

That said, my husband is one of three. He too is an immigrant so the other two live far away. I think during his childhood, his siblings helped him out a lot. But these days, he talks to his siblings maybe once a week for a few minutes at a time. They are busy with their own families, and they live far away. In the end, our main connection is to each other, and I don't know that his life is that different from mine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I typed out a long response and somehow lost it! Anyway, I'm in a very similar boat to you and struggling with the same kinds of issues. I also work and do most of the child are because of my dh's work and have a child about the same age with some ongoing (minor on the grand scheme of things) medical issues. "No joke" is right, and 2 has been hard for me. I find myself scheduling babysitters when my DH works late (not always, but sometimes) for no reason other than feeling like I can't deal with the bedtime routine alone one. More. Night. It makes me feel awful, but I have accepted the fact that some people are these women who are meant to have 5 kids and homeschool and cook organic.. And I am not one of them!

I think we will probably not have a second, but I do worry that I will regret this in the long term. Part of me feels like I am making it for the wrong reasons (selfishness). And I am PARANOID that something will happen to my child and I will be left childless. I lost a sibling at a young age and I'm sure that plays in to my fears - just knowing that losing a child really can and does happen - but man, how shitty would that be with an only.

Unless you are both super enthusiatic and working hard together to have a second child, don't do it. If you had the kid with less than great desire for her/him, she/he may well regret it.

[Anonymous]

I have lots of friends who have one kid, and they have a totally different lifestyle than I do with my three. That being said, we always wanted three, and I really ached for kids right until #3 was born, and then I was done. I was also 40, and we were incredibly lucky to have zero fertility issues and I had easy pgs. However, H left me last year, and I'm now raising 3 on my own. He has no involvement and does not support us. So that happened. I think about how much easier my current path would be if I only had one kid. But we are a little family of four now, and making the best of things.

My point is - you never know what is coming down the pike, so go with your gut. If you are on the fence, then it doesn't sound like you really want another.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I will tell you that my father is an only child, and it was extremely difficult for him caring for his aging parents. It was mostly because they were in a different, far country than us. But he did often talk about how much easier it would have been if he had a sibling.

However, you never know whether a sibling will decrease the burden. In fact, it could be another person for your DS to care for. Or that sibling could do nothing, which would lead to resentment.

In short, you never know what the future holds. Do what is best for you now. My father made it work, and it probably would have worked better if his parents lived in the states.

Ditto. There are no guarantees in life.

[Anonymous]

The answer is yes - you will regret only have one child.