Will I regret having only one child?

[Anonymous]

2 is a good number

[Anonymous]

I knew a woman who had one child because of poverty and the war. She always felt deprived in that way. She did not care about not having vacations and fancy things, she just wanted that second child. BTW, she loved her only child.

[Anonymous]

I would have the second but for me it was not a thought in the world. I think some people get stuck on the baby years and they are so tough but man they go quickly. I have a 5 and 8 year old and I am regretting big time that I didn't have the 3 when I could. I can't believe I say this but I miss it, I do. As for expense, they are all expensive and 2 really isn't the same as one as you re use a ton of stuff..or you should. For example. I used the baby car seat, the high chair, the crib, etc etc. Even the infant clothes were sort of uni so I used them on both. Food is nothing. School is expensive but we just put away for both each month so we are not sticker shock at 18. Now that my parents are older I am so happy to have siblings (although not perfect none are) because we have this common bond. You will hear some examples of "I never talk to sibling" but remember DCUM tends to forage out the exceptions and the outrageous--most people are somewhere in the middle. If you can't have a 2nd child and some people know this in their heart. Do you have any nephews or nieces that you can step and really have them as sort siblings. That takes a lot of effort but you owe that to your child. One friend of mine does this. She foots the bill for a lot of things and sometime puts up with drama but for her child, he has helped create a lasting bond--kids are soon to college and they are close cousins so you could work on that. If not close relatives what about a close friend and have that discussion..again you put up with a lot because you know you need to make that relationship work etc. Good luck with your choice.

[Anonymous]

is the same

[Anonymous]

Yes. Have another one.

[Anonymous]

Only with an only here.

I have the same concerns and fears you do. We all do. You have the same fears with 2 kids. Think about it - horrible accidents can happen with two kids in the car. It's not a likely scenario, and not a reason to have two kids for this reason alone. I also worry about DC not having any/many cousins. But it's really not an issue because we have family and friends. Not a ton, but we have family.

Most important thing is that your DH and you are on the same page.

My parents are still healthy and close by so I can't comment on this yet.

[Anonymous]

Takes me back to the Malaysian plane shot down over Ukraine and the Dutch family who lost three kids in one day. What a tragedy! So yes, there are no garantees in having "extras."

[Anonymous]

I think one child can be fine for the parents and the child. We had two, three years apart. Later the older one was diagnosed with an autism spectrum disorder, and had academic and social skill problems, just a couple of friends, quite clumsy. The younger one turned out very bright, athletic, and sociable. They ended up complementing each other and being best friends, and so I'm glad we had two.

[Anonymous]

Only kids are not lonely and miserable. Read "One and Only" by Lauren somethingorother. She's and only with an only, but she surveys the research about only children and it turns out that they are just as happy and successful as kids with siblings. If you and your husband really want another kid and you think you can be good parents to that kid, that's one thing, but please don't have a second that you don't want/aren't really prepared for just to "give" your child a sibling.

Frankly, my mom was one of six, and all the eldercare fell to her anyway. There are just no guarantees in life.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Thanks for your perspectives. The thought of having a second child just doesn't spark any enthusiasm from me at this time, so I think I'll just focus on putting money away for the purpose of eldercare which will make me feel less worried about the future with regard to DS being the only child.

I'm glad to hear from only children who weren't scarred by not having siblings. I know I need to own my decision but I can't help doubting if it's definitely the right choice. The best choice for us right now is to stick with just the one we have, so that's the plan.

[Anonymous]

No, I don't think I was scarred by being an only child. According to DH, he is the scarred one, because he had an annoying sister! LOL

[Anonymous]

I am an only child and it is a very lonely and empty life, especially if one lives in an area without any local extended family. When I was growing up the closest extended family was a 5 hour plane ride away, and we only saw them once a year. We spent every holiday alone, and my parents did not believe in celebrating holidays just the three of us because it was "too much work." So for instance on Thanksgiving instead of making a traditional Thanksgiving dinner we would just go out to eat, and even as a child this lack of celebrating any holidays really bothered me. We had very few to no family traditions. As a child being an only child felt like an incomplete family to me--I still feel this way even as an adult. I felt different being an only child and it made me self-conscious. Even as an adult, this feeling different and feeling of self-consciousness has negatively impacted many of my relationships.

As a child with a SAHM, I felt scrutinized constantly. My mother had too much time on her hands and was always nit-picking me about something--how much she hated my hair, how I was too fat, etc. Even as an adult she does the same thing--criticizes me and my lifestyle choices.

While I was lonely as a child, as an adult I am 100 times lonelier. We are still very far from extended family, and only see them once or twice a year. One of the things I envy the most is people with large, loving families who spend fun holidays together and vacation together in the summers in a big beach house. I long for a loving, supportive extended family but it's something I'll never have. My husband's family is awful and dysfunctional, and we have very little relationship with them.

We have one child but plan to have another one. I want something different for my child than the way I grew up.

[Anonymous]

My kid is 14. We have no regrets on having just the one.

My brother and I get along, but are not close. If I could have been promised by god that my children would be really close friends, I might have suffered through a second pregnancy, but you don't get that guarantee.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am an only child and it is a very lonely and empty life, especially if one lives in an area without any local extended family. When I was growing up the closest extended family was a 5 hour plane ride away, and we only saw them once a year. We spent every holiday alone, and my parents did not believe in celebrating holidays just the three of us because it was "too much work." So for instance on Thanksgiving instead of making a traditional Thanksgiving dinner we would just go out to eat, and even as a child this lack of celebrating any holidays really bothered me. We had very few to no family traditions. As a child being an only child felt like an incomplete family to me--I still feel this way even as an adult. I felt different being an only child and it made me self-conscious. Even as an adult, this feeling different and feeling of self-consciousness has negatively impacted many of my relationships.

As a child with a SAHM, I felt scrutinized constantly. My mother had too much time on her hands and was always nit-picking me about something--how much she hated my hair, how I was too fat, etc. Even as an adult she does the same thing--criticizes me and my lifestyle choices.

While I was lonely as a child, as an adult I am 100 times lonelier. We are still very far from extended family, and only see them once or twice a year. One of the things I envy the most is people with large, loving families who spend fun holidays together and vacation together in the summers in a big beach house. I long for a loving, supportive extended family but it's something I'll never have. My husband's family is awful and dysfunctional, and we have very little relationship with them.

We have one child but plan to have another one. I want something different for my child than the way I grew up.

I'm so sorry. That sounds like a crappy childhood.

But you must realize that what went wrong there wasn't the size of your immediate family.

[Anonymous]

PP, I think what you long for is a loving family, not necessarily large. Large does not equal loving.