single mother difficulty meeting single men

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I married a single mother who had a couple of kids and so did I from my previous marriage.

The good part is that the woman I married is absolutely awesome. The bad part is that for several years dealing with her kids from her prior marriage was a fucking nightmare which I would not wish on anyone in the world. It came pretty close to us splitting up over conflicts relating to her kids.

So my advice to any guy taking on step-children is to think long and hard because I assure you that the dynamics involved are more often than not a time bomb waiting to go off. If the ex is involved that can make things even more complicated.

Parents have conflicts in raising children even when they are not step-children. When one introduces the dynamic of the kids being from another relationship, the potential for conflicts and how best to deal with them becomes infinitely more hazardous.

Interesting article below about the high failure rate in second and third marriages and it is not all to do with step children but it is a contributing factor.

http://www.examiner.com/article/why-does-divorce-rate-go-up-second-and-third-marriages

+1000

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Very few men want a woman with kids.

yep. I have met some very cool single mom's but I either want to be friends with them or casually date them - not serious because i dont want to be a dad.

Maybe if I'm 40 my attitude will be different.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Very few men want a woman with kids.

yep. I have met some very cool single mom's but I either want to be friends with them or casually date them - not serious because i dont want to be a dad.

Maybe if I'm 40 my attitude will be different.

^ i'm 40 and said single mom had their child(ren) in her early 20's so they would be over 16+ at least by the time i was dating said single mom.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I married a single mother who had a couple of kids and so did I from my previous marriage.

The good part is that the woman I married is absolutely awesome. The bad part is that for several years dealing with her kids from her prior marriage was a fucking nightmare which I would not wish on anyone in the world. It came pretty close to us splitting up over conflicts relating to her kids.

So my advice to any guy taking on step-children is to think long and hard because I assure you that the dynamics involved are more often than not a time bomb waiting to go off. If the ex is involved that can make things even more complicated.

Parents have conflicts in raising children even when they are not step-children. When one introduces the dynamic of the kids being from another relationship, the potential for conflicts and how best to deal with them becomes infinitely more hazardous.

Interesting article below about the high failure rate in second and third marriages and it is not all to do with step children but it is a contributing factor.

http://www.examiner.com/article/why-does-divorce-rate-go-up-second-and-third-marriages

My concern when I was dating was a situation where a woman had children and the ex was a decent guy and involved with the kids. The poor guy no longer lives with his kids and has another man living with them. Look, I understand things happen but it made me uncomfortable to think about getting seriously involved with that part of the situation. I know if I were him, I would feel badly about not coming home to my own children on a daily basis.
+1000

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Very few men want a woman with kids.

yep. I have met some very cool single mom's but I either want to be friends with them or casually date them - not serious because i dont want to be a dad.

Maybe if I'm 40 my attitude will be different.

Yet another reason to not date men under 40.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, why would any half way eligible single guy - including divorced fathers - want to enter into a relationship with a single mother with all of the attendant complications when there are lots of single women who don't have any of the issues that you would bring to a relationship?

Just being honest ...........

You again?

Do you just wait for every single mom wanting to date thread to pop up and spew your theories?

I figure you are either a single woman w/o kids who feels threatened by single moms.
Or maybe you are guy who was rejected by a single mom and now you have a bad case of sour graoes.

No he's a divorced alcoholic whose ex wife cheated and he hates all women for it and wants them to believe they have to settle for a loser like him. For realz.

[Anonymous]

^^ OK all you single mothers have me convinced!

Every single guy and single father views your demographic as the most desirable group to hitch up with. No one else stands a chance because every man is looking for a family from the outset of marriage and what could be more desirable than a woman who has had children from another man or better still, from multiple men?

The ultimate catch would be a single mother who does not work and who has children from multiple men because single men and single fathers have it in their DNA to be a provider for children they had no role in bringing to this world.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:^^ OK all you single mothers have me convinced!

Every single guy and single father views your demographic as the most desirable group to hitch up with. No one else stands a chance because every man is looking for a family from the outset of marriage and what could be more desirable than a woman who has had children from another man or better still, from multiple men?

The ultimate catch would be a single mother who does not work and who has children from multiple men because single men and single fathers have it in their DNA to be a provider for children they had no role in bringing to this world.

No one said single mothers are the most desirable. They're also not used up or "dented" goods. Those of us who actually are parents who date know how it goes. You do not. If you don't want to date a woman with kids, don't do it. Just because it doesn't work for you doesn't mean it doesn't work for everyone. Seriously, get over yourself already.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:^^ OK all you single mothers have me convinced!

Every single guy and single father views your demographic as the most desirable group to hitch up with. No one else stands a chance because every man is looking for a family from the outset of marriage and what could be more desirable than a woman who has had children from another man or better still, from multiple men?

The ultimate catch would be a single mother who does not work and who has children from multiple men because single men and single fathers have it in their DNA to be a provider for children they had no role in bringing to this world.

And the ultimate male catch would be THE OPPOSITE OF YOU

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think the PP has a point about small children. I am invisible to men when I have a baby or toddler with me. They're not my children, but there is a huge difference in how much attention I get from men with them, compared to without them. Honestly, I've wondered if it's some sort of biological thing. The difference is striking.

This is so weird. I've been hit on with my toddler in tow . It creeps me out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You have a toddler. Give it a couple years. It's much more difficult to have time for dating and a relationship with a toddler/infant. It's rough for married people to "date" their own spouses during that time! Once your kid is 4 and up (and easier), it will be easier. Toddlers are still at that age where you really wonder if there are lingering feelings between you and the ex.

In the meantime, make sure that you're still attractive and be honest with yourself. Are you working out? Wearing clothes that flatter yourself? Are you happy in life?

-Single mom of a 4.5yo

Where does she say she has a toddler?

[Anonymous]

I'm not the PP, but I swear I saw OP say she has a toddler. Are posts missing?

[Anonymous]

Just keep the bio father out of the picture if you want a guy with no kids already. No guy likes to see a man that had sex with the woman he is dating much less one that has some kind of legal hold over her schedule. Unless the suitor has his own kids and similar obligations

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think the PP has a point about small children. I am invisible to men when I have a baby or toddler with me. They're not my children, but there is a huge difference in how much attention I get from men with them, compared to without them. Honestly, I've wondered if it's some sort of biological thing. The difference is striking.

This is so weird. I've been hit on with my toddler in tow . It creeps me out.

I think this sums it up rather nicely. Men don't like to approach women with kids because it seems innapropriate. And apparently, even women agree.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Jeff - can you take a look to see if some of the insulting posts are from the same idiot? this is now beyond annoying.

Two of them are from me. So what? I have a strong belief that children need a mother who is married to the father of their children. I do not care whether you like my opinion/belief. I don't like your cavalier attitude about children out of wedlock, but I'm not having a fit because you are expressing your belief. Flaming liberal, aren't you? As long as everybody agrees with you their comments are welcome.