single mother difficulty meeting single men

[Anonymous]

This has got to be a troll. any woman who doesn't weigh 300 lbs.can easily have a handful of men at her whim without even trying.

[Anonymous]

Don't listen to the jerks here saying you can't meet a good guy.

Also, just because you have single mom friends who've met guys, you may not know how long they were looking or what they were looking for in a new partner. Maybe they got lucky or maybe they didn't have too many criteria on a list. Who knows.

But the first thing is to make sure you're in a good place - that you are happy and leading a good life. Stay active, do things that make you happy and your attractiveness quotient will naturally increase.

Second, what types of guys are you looking for? What's your target age bracket? As another PP said, you might need to expand the search and include guys who might be slightly older - so if you in your early 30s, you may want think about looking at guys in their early to mid 40s.

As a single father, I don't date women who love too far away - I have limited free time and don't want to spend it driving or sitting in traffic just to meet someone for a drink. I live close to downtown and there are plenty of folks who live close by so I set a limit of a 10 mile radius in my online dating search.

If you're worried about men not noticing you - the first thing is to figure out if you're giving off a vibe that says 'stay away'. I wouldn't blatantly hit on you with a kid in tow but I would strike up a simple conversation if I was certain you weren't married. Too many new moms don't wear a wedding band and it's risky sometimes for a guy to make a move - even a simple attempt.

~divorced dad

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, why would any half way eligible single guy - including divorced fathers - want to enter into a relationship with a single mother with all of the attendant complications when there are lots of single women who don't have any of the issues that you would bring to a relationship?

Just being honest ...........

You again?

Do you just wait for every single mom wanting to date thread to pop up and spew your theories?

I figure you are either a single woman w/o kids who feels threatened by single moms.
Or maybe you are guy who was rejected by a single mom and now you have a bad case of sour graoes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think the PP has a point about small children. I am invisible to men when I have a baby or toddler with me. They're not my children, but there is a huge difference in how much attention I get from men with them, compared to without them. Honestly, I've wondered if it's some sort of biological thing. The difference is striking.

There are two theories on it.

Neolithic man seems to have viewed a woman's offspring as proof of her fertility and therefore very sexy.

Other primate males have been known to kill the offspring of their male rivals.

Most men don't try to pick up a woman if she's spoken for. I'm not sure if that's cultural or biological. Maybe a baby signals that she probably has a partner?

[Anonymous]

What do you mean by "successful"? Will you only date people who make a certain amount of money? Would you date a teacher? A social worker? Your criteria may be narrowing your options. Regardless, there are threads here each week about the same issue - it is hard to meet people in this area (once you're out of your twenties) and it is especially hard as a single parent. Online dating has it's pitfalls. So I don't think it's you. It may just take some time. In the meantime, as PP said, make sure you are happy and healthy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think the PP has a point about small children. I am invisible to men when I have a baby or toddler with me. They're not my children, but there is a huge difference in how much attention I get from men with them, compared to without them. Honestly, I've wondered if it's some sort of biological thing. The difference is striking.

There are two theories on it.

Neolithic man seems to have viewed a woman's offspring as proof of her fertility and therefore very sexy.

Other primate males have been known to kill the offspring of their male rivals.

Most men don't try to pick up a woman if she's spoken for. I'm not sure if that's cultural or biological. Maybe a baby signals that she probably has a partner?

Exactly.

A man is going to assume that a mother with a young child is unavailable. OP should try online dating.

As anothet poster mentioned, you'll need to find either other men with kids, or older men. Few childless, or younger than mid-40s men want to date a women with young children.

[Anonymous]

OP, how old are you? I think that is a better question than are you still attractive. It also depends on the ages you are looking for. Pp is right that you'll have better like with guys a few years older.

I find it surprising that online dating hasn't worked. In what way? That might signal what the actual issue is

[Anonymous]

You want the best but you have dings. You need to either make up for your short comings by looks, personality, money or age. It's like a used car kbb value, everyone thinks they are excellent while in reality most people fall into average to good condition. Maybe you can get in that excellent condition by paint (beauty), millage(age), new tires (boob job) etc...

[Anonymous]

Ladies, if you're thinking about divorce, keep in mind:

1. No man wants to raise (or deal with, or see, or hear) some other man's spawn.

2. You're a lot less physically attractive than you were before you got married the first time. The father of your children can overlook that. Other men, not so much.

[Anonymous]

"There has got to be an easier way and my child's age definitely cannot be the reson why no one has crossed my path."

Maybe this is your problem. I'm a single (divorced) mom, and I don't have an expectation that the right guy is going to "cross my path" - I know that I have to work at it. The fact is that I spend much of my time at work, doing drop off or pick up at school, or in my neighborhood, none of which are places where there are many single men.

[Anonymous]

No woman wants to hear your sexist drivel.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This has got to be a troll. any woman who doesn't weigh 300 lbs.can easily have a handful of men at her whim without even trying.

So not true.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, why would any half way eligible single guy - including divorced fathers - want to enter into a relationship with a single mother with all of the attendant complications when there are lots of single women who don't have any of the issues that you would bring to a relationship?

Just being honest ...........

I know you. I know you come to any thread about single moms dating to make them feel shitty about themselves. But I'll answer your question anyway.

Why would a man get involved in a relationship with a single mom?

- he likes her personality, looks, attitude, etc.
- they enjoy the same activities
- they have similar life goals and values
- they are sexually compatible
- he doesn't care about "raising someone else's kid"
- he doesn't assume that all women who have kids have baggage and complications
- he doesn't assume that all single women are without baggage and complications

Obviously there are men who will not look further than "she's got kids" before running away, but those are not the men that single moms should be trying to date. I was a divorced mom. I am remarried. My husband is not bothered by the fact that he is helping me raise a child made with someone else's sperm. He doesn't resent her dad and respects the different but functionally similar roles they both play in our daughter's life. DD's dad shares this sentiment and even when our co-parenting relationship hasn't been smooth, it has not negated all the other things about my relationship with my husband that we both enjoy.

Take your hateful troll bullshit elsewhere, please.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ladies, if you're thinking about divorce, keep in mind:

1. No man wants to raise (or deal with, or see, or hear) some other man's spawn.

2. You're a lot less physically attractive than you were before you got married the first time. The father of your children can overlook that. Other men, not so much.

This isn't quite true. Other, single men with children are usually OK with women who have kids.

That being said, don't get mad at childless men who are scared away by your kids. Children are scary when you don't have any, and it's honestly a lot to ask of someone who has never has children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ladies, if you're thinking about divorce, keep in mind:

1. No man wants to raise (or deal with, or see, or hear) some other man's spawn.

2. You're a lot less physically attractive than you were before you got married the first time. The father of your children can overlook that. Other men, not so much.

on #2, sad but true