My child broke my trust completely.

[Anonymous]

OP got it right. Hell yeah, he stole, he got his ass beat.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Spanking is a humiliating and ridiculous practice that will only cause a rift between you and your children. Your child will always remember that moment, especially at age ten, but not in the way you might want him to...

You broke the trust between you and your child....by hitting him.

You broke my eyes .... by making me read this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I strongly recommend family counseling to talk through these issues. There's clearly been some breakdown in the communication, and while I don't think you're abusive, the dynamic you describe is not appropriate for a ten year old.

For example, in the food issue - engaging in a battle of wills to eat this or that will cause these issues. Decide what and when you are serving dinner and serve it. He decides how much to eat of it. If he doesn't eat it, don't worry about it or offer other things (obviously if there's a true aversion, that's different and I would offer something else upfront). He is ten and has survived this long, unless you have a very pressing health matter there is no need to force him to eat food he doesn't want. Maybe he really couldn't eat it. So you basically forced him into lying since he was backed into a corner, and punished him for it.

Ellyn Satter is a great resource on drama free, healthy eating habits: http://www.amazon.com/Ellyn-Satter/e/B000APPUYQ

This is breathtaking in its moral imbecility!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I strongly recommend family counseling to talk through these issues. There's clearly been some breakdown in the communication, and while I don't think you're abusive, the dynamic you describe is not appropriate for a ten year old.

For example, in the food issue - engaging in a battle of wills to eat this or that will cause these issues. Decide what and when you are serving dinner and serve it. He decides how much to eat of it. If he doesn't eat it, don't worry about it or offer other things (obviously if there's a true aversion, that's different and I would offer something else upfront). He is ten and has survived this long, unless you have a very pressing health matter there is no need to force him to eat food he doesn't want. Maybe he really couldn't eat it. So you basically forced him into lying since he was backed into a corner, and punished him for it.

Ellyn Satter is a great resource on drama free, healthy eating habits: http://www.amazon.com/Ellyn-Satter/e/B000APPUYQ

I agree. The dynamic described here sounds a lot like the one between my mother and I when I was a kid (everything was always such a HUGE issue)...she often had little regard as to why I may have done something (instead choosing just to make sure I was 'punished' and learned my lesson) and in all honesty, I grew up to be a rather emotionally unhealthy teen/young adult due to the dynamic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Spanking is a humiliating and ridiculous practice that will only cause a rift between you and your children. Your child will always remember that moment, especially at age ten, but not in the way you might want him to...

Children up to age 18 get spanked in public schools daily. A parent can't ?

That's pretty limited to southern states. They certainly can't do that in VA, DC or Maryland.

For the geographically challenged out there, MD, VA, and DC ARE in the South. Check out where the Mason-Dixon line is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Spanking is a humiliating and ridiculous practice that will only cause a rift between you and your children. Your child will always remember that moment, especially at age ten, but not in the way you might want him to...

Children up to age 18 get spanked in public schools daily. A parent can't ?

That's pretty limited to southern states. They certainly can't do that in VA, DC or Maryland.

For the geographically challenged out there, MD, VA, and DC ARE in the South. Check out where the Mason-Dixon line is.

Feel better now? There is no true, formal designation, but no real southerner would "ever" call Maryland a southern state. I was referring to the Deep South, like Georgia, Mississippi, Alabama. 19 states allow corporal punishment. Most in the south, and some in the Midwest. But not here.

[Anonymous]

For the geographically challenged out there, MD, VA, and DC ARE in the South. Check out where the Mason-Dixon line is.


Feel better now? There is no true, formal designation, but no real southerner would "ever" call Maryland a southern state. I was referring to the Deep South, like Georgia, Mississippi, Alabama. 19 states allow corporal punishment. Most in the south, and some in the Midwest. But not here.

I'm from the midwest and I don't think of Maryland as a southern state. DC is definitely not. I used to think VA was but that was before living in NOVA. The rest of VA is southern but NOVA definitely is not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Spanking is a humiliating and ridiculous practice that will only cause a rift between you and your children. Your child will always remember that moment, especially at age ten, but not in the way you might want him to...

You broke the trust between you and your child....by hitting him.

+1 what are you goign to do when he gets older and does something worse?

+1

If you are spanking a 10 year old child and he works and never does anything bad again, OK.

But I presume you also spanked him when he was 3 and 5 and 7 and 8 and 9, right? And he STILL hasn't learned to do the right thing. So he's going to keep on doing wring things... are you going to keep on spanking him, when he is 13 and 15 and 17??

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think he needs more connection to you and maybe some more time one-on-one with you where you build (re-build) your loving connection.

http://www.ahaparenting.com/parenting-tools/connection/building-relationship

"Kids form their view of themselves and the world every day. They need your encouragement to see themselves as good people who are capable of good things. And they need to know you're on their side. If most of what comes out of your mouth is correction or criticism, they won't feel good about themselves, and they won't feel like you're their ally. You lose your only leverage with them, and they lose something every kid needs: to know they have an adult who thinks the world of them."

OP, I don't think you're here anymore, but this PP resonated with me. What kept me on the straight and narrow as a kid was the fact that my parents trusted me. I think if a parent has lost faith in his/her kid, that child will start to think poorly of him/herself, and her/her behavior will just get worse. I hope you can find a way to build trust between yourself and your child again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Spanking is a humiliating and ridiculous practice that will only cause a rift between you and your children. Your child will always remember that moment, especially at age ten, but not in the way you might want him to...

You broke the trust between you and your child....by hitting him.

+1 what are you goign to do when he gets older and does something worse?

+1

If you are spanking a 10 year old child and he works and never does anything bad again, OK.

But I presume you also spanked him when he was 3 and 5 and 7 and 8 and 9, right? And he STILL hasn't learned to do the right thing. So he's going to keep on doing wring things... are you going to keep on spanking him, when he is 13 and 15 and 17??

OP said that they rarely spanked. What you're describing is spanking as a more regular means of punishment, so your point doesn't hold. For example, I have spanked my son twice - once for running in traffic, and once for trying to climb over a third story balcony. He has not done those things again. I would totally consider spanking in OPs situation and would expect a lesson to be learned.

[Anonymous]

My child would pay back the money immediately. Get some extra chores to cover the "interest and penalties". He would then lose some electronics or whatever for a time to cover the lying issue. I would follow up with a list of chores and how much could earn by doing them is he is looking for ways to earn more money.

Then you move on. He is ten. He is testing. You are teaching.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Spanking is necessary. We need more of it. You can spank a child without it being considered child abuse.

It might not be abuse, but it isn't effective either.
I have a 10 year old boy, and I can't imagine how hitting him in the butt is going to deter him from anything.

Can we focus on the fact that at 10 he is an Artful Dodger in training?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Can't believe! He confesses and you punish him! He will never trust you again. This is what you should care about.
I am not saying he doesn't deserve a consequence, but not the way you did it.

A murderer who confesses is still going to prison, just with a shorter sentence.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Spanking is a humiliating and ridiculous practice that will only cause a rift between you and your children. Your child will always remember that moment, especially at age ten, but not in the way you might want him to...

You broke the trust between you and your child....by hitting him.

+1 what are you goign to do when he gets older and does something worse?

+1

If you are spanking a 10 year old child and he works and never does anything bad again, OK.

But I presume you also spanked him when he was 3 and 5 and 7 and 8 and 9, right? And he STILL hasn't learned to do the right thing. So he's going to keep on doing wring things... are you going to keep on spanking him, when he is 13 and 15 and 17??

OP said that they rarely spanked. What you're describing is spanking as a more regular means of punishment, so your point doesn't hold. For example, I have spanked my son twice - once for running in traffic, and once for trying to climb over a third story balcony. He has not done those things again. I would totally consider spanking in OPs situation and would expect a lesson to be learned.

How old was your kid though? I can't believe you spanked a school aged child for running in traffic or climbing over a balcony. Did you? Surely if you spanked for those offenses, it was at the age when kids are most likely to do impulsive things like that -- age 3 or less.

SOmeone who spanks "infrequently" but is still spanking a 10 year old, I have to assume is doing it at least every year.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Spanking is a humiliating and ridiculous practice that will only cause a rift between you and your children. Your child will always remember that moment, especially at age ten, but not in the way you might want him to...

Children up to age 18 get spanked in public schools daily. A parent can't ?

That's pretty limited to southern states. They certainly can't do that in VA, DC or Maryland.

For the geographically challenged out there, MD, VA, and DC ARE in the South. Check out where the Mason-Dixon line is.

Maryland is not in the South. That's why the state motto is "The Free State" -- because we are the first northern state.