My child broke my trust completely.
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Anonymous
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My 10 year old son is a very well liked kid at school, all of his teachers have said he's a nice kid and he's an honor roll student. Last month, right before Easter, I was expecting family from out of town. I visited the ATM one day and took out cash to pay my preschooler's tuition. The next morning, I got all my kids up for school and reached into my wallet to count out the money that was due for tuition. I panicked when I realized that $60 was missing. I started searching through my dresser drawers, my clothes, my bed, nothing. The money was due that day and I was freaking out. I then asked my kids if they would've taken the money. My kids each said no. I asked them again when we got in the car and told them I was really worried because I needed to pay the school that day. Again, silence.
The next week, I was getting in the shower one evening and I took exactly $15 in cash out of my back pocket and put it in our bottom bathroom cabinet drawer. The next morning, I remembered I had put it there and it was gone. Again, I asked my kids and they denied taking it. I asked them again the next day. Nothing. After dinner two nights ago, my ten year old was told to finish what little dinner was on his plate (this was a small, kid sized portion). He sat at the table for 15 minutes so I got up to use the bathroom. In the 2 minutes while I was in the bathroom, he yelled out that he had ate it all. I came out of the bathroom and checked his plate. Empty. However, the plate next to him had food on it that wasn't there before. I then asked if he dumped his food on that plate. He said no. I asked again and explained how lying gets us in more trouble. Then he said maybe. Finally, he admitted it. I then asked again about the missing money. He said he didn't take it. I asked again without getting angry. Finally, he admitted he took the money both times. I told him I never, ever thought he would steal from me. We're living very tightly right now with money and I was nearly in tears when I came up short on my daughter's tuition money. He saw me that morning frantically searching for the money. He had MANY chances to either put the money back or sneak into my room and place the money on my dresser. He didn't. It's been almost a month since the money went missing. I asked him why he took it and his explanation was, "because I wanted to have more money". It turns out that right after he took it, he brought the money to school and he tried to tell his grandparents that he did a lot of chores and was earning a lot of money. He brought the money to show them too but never tried to spend it. I spanked him (a VERY rare event in our home) and then my husband and I had a very long talk with him. I took away tv time (there's only a tv in our living room), his kindle fire and any fun activities for the next solid month. I'm hurt that he did this to me, I'm angry that he lied so many times when he could've put the money back and I'm angry it took me a month to figure it all out. Yes, I'm upset, even 2 days later. Are there any other ways that I can get across my point to him? I told him once people lie or steal once, they have a hard time regaining trust. What would you do in this situation? |
Anonymous
| OP here. I just wanted to add that $60 was part of the tuition money I had in my wallet at the time. |
Anonymous
| You spanked a 10 year old? |
Anonymous
| Yes, I spanked my ten year old. A time out is for young children, not kids his age doing stuff he knows he shouldn't be doing. |
Anonymous
| He isn't going to be honest about anything he does wrong again because of all of the punishments. You need to try to understand why he wanted the money, then you can help him change. |
Anonymous
| At this point he should feel pretty crappy. He messed up, he is just a kid, but if he feels no remorse or seems angry at you rather than disappointed in himself, you haven't gotten through to him. I don't know that spanking is the way tongo although I don't blame you for the first reaction and wanting him to understand how bad this is. I'd he is sobbing and feels terrible. Life lesson learned and move on. |
Anonymous
| You say money is tight -- is this a recent thing? Are there conversations about not having enough money? Other than the dinner thing, does his bad behavior seem to only involve money? |
Anonymous
| Spanking is a humiliating and ridiculous practice that will only cause a rift between you and your children. Your child will always remember that moment, especially at age ten, but not in the way you might want him to... |
Anonymous
| Try not to take it to heart like this. It's not completely unusual for kids to do this, especially if they are feeling the pinch of too little money themselves. You punished him. Hopefully he will learn. |
Anonymous
| Spanking is necessary. We need more of it. You can spank a child without it being considered child abuse. |
Anonymous
It might not be abuse, but it isn't effective either. I have a 10 year old boy, and I can't imagine how hitting him in the butt is going to deter him from anything. |
Anonymous
| Why did you spank him? Is that going to put the 60 dollars back in your pocket? |
Anonymous
The subject is stealing not spanking. And hopefully OPs son has learned an expensive lesson. |
Anonymous
Umm, the rift was formed when the child stole money from a parent and expressed no regret. Kid better remember the consequence. And the rift will be much greater when the kid winds up in prison. I'm not a spanker, but some of you anti-spankers are unbelievable. |
Anonymous
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OP - hugs. My son has also broken my trust. He is a bit older and we have had several episodes. I am hoping we are coming out of the tunnel and into sunshine. You say money is tight, but is there any way you could swing some therapy? Of course it can be hard to find a good therapist. The first two we saw were lousy.
Anyway - no real advice, but virtual hugs to you. It is painful when that precious baby grows up and makes bad choices! |