Why do black people self-segregate?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:African American woman here. I find that white people try VERY hard to act nice to me/us, as if they feel they have to be nice to us for lynching our people way back in the day. It's ok, I forgive, now act normal.

Well there you go. Did you ever think we are being nice to be nice? Because we want to find out more about you and be friends?

Instead of waiting for an invite to the SE DC BBQ, how about you just throw one and invite us? We don't bite... But we will make fun of your attempt to make soul food.

I threw out an invite to a group of friends to go camping. There were also two friends of friends that I invited as I had gotten to know them a bit, they seemed fun and adding them seemed like a good fit for the group. one of them was a black woman. When I invited her she basically broke out into gales of laughter telling me "black people don't sleep in tents and black people don't swim in lakes". She basically make fun of the fact that I had invited a 'black person to go camping' as that demonstrated to her I knew nothing about 'black people'. Anyways I am sure some black people do camp and do swim in lakes but her reaction made me hesitate to invite her to anything again, and made me very self conscious about inviting people where I might be breaking some unknown racial norm.

As a black person who does the things you describe, I have to say, generally what she said is true. My friends and family think I'm nuts. I've also heard "black people don't ice skate!" "Black people don't ski" and "black people don't eat sushi!" She wasn't making fun of you, this is just how we joke. She didn't want to go camping, but it wasn't a personal slight. You could try again and invite her to something black people "do".

If more black people were skiers they would kick ass! Also Debbie Thomas was a great figure skater!

[Anonymous]

I will say this. I am 40. Have a white husband. I am black. I can almost guarantee I will get a 'hair' question any time I interact with a new group of (mostly) white people, within meeting 0-4. How can that be? I can't be the first black woman they've met. But somehow I'm the spokesperson. Or is it taught somewhere that it's an icebreaker? It's predictable and sad. But like a good ambassador - I always answer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I will say this. I am 40. Have a white husband. I am black. I can almost guarantee I will get a 'hair' question any time I interact with a new group of (mostly) white people, within meeting 0-4. How can that be? I can't be the first black woman they've met. But somehow I'm the spokesperson. Or is it taught somewhere that it's an icebreaker? It's predictable and sad. But like a good ambassador - I always answer.

I don't know....the black women I work with talk a lot about their hair! Way more than the rest of us. Hair does seem to be a key topic of conversation.

[Anonymous]

Why do they need a black nurses union? Why not just a nurses union?

Because the nurses union was often times preoccupied with figuring out how to marry a doctor, as white women are the group most likely to marry a white man to change their station in life. Other women of color don't have that luxury. That's the fundamental difference.

[Anonymous]

I don't know....the black women I work with talk a lot about their hair! Way more than the rest of us. Hair does seem to be a key topic of conversation.

OP - I LOVE my hair and never talk about it to anyone. Don't talk about any aesthetics, though. It's mine...not a weave or anything. I will say, I had a man about 70 years old compliment my hair and then ask if it was real. I think I was generally entertained/impressed that he even knew about fake hair.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Why do they need a black nurses union? Why not just a nurses union?

Because the nurses union was often times preoccupied with figuring out how to marry a doctor, as white women are the group most likely to marry a white man to change their station in life. Other women of color don't have that luxury. That's the fundamental difference.

that is ridiculous and insulting.

[Anonymous]

Because the nurses union was often times preoccupied with figuring out how to marry a doctor, as white women are the group most likely to marry a white man to change their station in life. Other women of color don't have that luxury. That's the fundamental difference.





that is ridiculous and insulting.

Really? Have you been on DCUM??? Marrying for earning potential? Finding a suitable mate? This isn't the practice of the non-white in general.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Black people prefer to be with their own people. White people can't do that. It's racist.

Or Loudoun County....

[Anonymous]

I invited my whole legal dept to my housewarming. I can say I was a little intimidated to invite them because it was at a time that many were buying their first homes and they were all $600k plus in sought after neighborhoods. I bought in PG and you hear all the comments from others about it and it makes you hesitate to invite people over. But I did and was kind of proud to show how much home I got for the money and that my neighborhood was not what they assumed it would be like. It was a cool non judgey group though...small legal group...would not invite my current legal dept.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:African American woman here. I find that white people try VERY hard to act nice to me/us, as if they feel they have to be nice to us for lynching our people way back in the day. It's ok, I forgive, now act normal.

Well there you go. Did you ever think we are being nice to be nice? Because we want to find out more about you and be friends?

Instead of waiting for an invite to the SE DC BBQ, how about you just throw one and invite us? We don't bite... But we will make fun of your attempt to make soul food.

I threw out an invite to a group of friends to go camping. There were also two friends of friends that I invited as I had gotten to know them a bit, they seemed fun and adding them seemed like a good fit for the group. one of them was a black woman. When I invited her she basically broke out into gales of laughter telling me "black people don't sleep in tents and black people don't swim in lakes". She basically make fun of the fact that I had invited a 'black person to go camping' as that demonstrated to her I knew nothing about 'black people'. Anyways I am sure some black people do camp and do swim in lakes but her reaction made me hesitate to invite her to anything again, and made me very self conscious about inviting people where I might be breaking some unknown racial norm.

As a black person who does the things you describe, I have to say, generally what she said is true. My friends and family think I'm nuts. I've also heard "black people don't ice skate!" "Black people don't ski" and "black people don't eat sushi!" She wasn't making fun of you, this is just how we joke. She didn't want to go camping, but it wasn't a personal slight. You could try again and invite her to something black people "do".

If more black people were skiers they would kick ass! Also Debbie Thomas was a great figure skater!

Brotherhood of Skiers...google it...I have friends that are members...large group of skiing black folks

[Anonymous]

"Predominantly white spaces can be exhausting to navigate. I have to consciously be aware of what I am saying, of who is around me, of what I am wearing, of what I am doing, of what others are saying and doing. In critical ways, I cannot let my guard down for a moment. Because -- and even as I write this I recognize how paranoid this may sound to people unfamiliar with the experiences I refer to -- at any point I may be forced to defend myself, defend my presence.

In stark contrast, when I am at home, or at my wife’s church, or with my fraternity brothers, or at the club listening to house music, I am at home. I am not a statistic. Not a threat. Not an outsider. Not an anomaly. I am safe to “be.” I can be the “representative for the race.” I can be the one black person in the room. But I don’t have to be. . . . I can, in those spaces, breathe. "

Lester K. Spence-Assistant professor of political science at Johns Hopkins University.

[Anonymous]

I'm sure African-American women are not dying to get haircare tips from white women nor skincare tips. Not sure if they're included in tanning bed conversations hough AAs do wear sunblock. Everyone should.

With that said, other than the blood being red, there are some major differences best addressed by members of a cultural group.

Btw, to the poster who mentioned blacks don't swim in the lake nor ski, the Black Ski organization has been around over 40 years. You should get out more.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
"Predominantly white spaces can be exhausting to navigate. I have to consciously be aware of what I am saying, of who is around me, of what I am wearing, of what I am doing, of what others are saying and doing. In critical ways, I cannot let my guard down for a moment. Because -- and even as I write this I recognize how paranoid this may sound to people unfamiliar with the experiences I refer to -- at any point I may be forced to defend myself, defend my presence.

In stark contrast, when I am at home, or at my wife’s church, or with my fraternity brothers, or at the club listening to house music, I am at home. I am not a statistic. Not a threat. Not an outsider. Not an anomaly. I am safe to “be.” I can be the “representative for the race.” I can be the one black person in the room. But I don’t have to be. . . . I can, in those spaces, breathe. "

Lester K. Spence-Assistant professor of political science at Johns Hopkins University.

I like this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:African American woman here. I find that white people try VERY hard to act nice to me/us, as if they feel they have to be nice to us for lynching our people way back in the day. It's ok, I forgive, now act normal.

Well there you go. Did you ever think we are being nice to be nice? Because we want to find out more about you and be friends?

Instead of waiting for an invite to the SE DC BBQ, how about you just throw one and invite us? We don't bite... But we will make fun of your attempt to make soul food.

I threw out an invite to a group of friends to go camping. There were also two friends of friends that I invited as I had gotten to know them a bit, they seemed fun and adding them seemed like a good fit for the group. one of them was a black woman. When I invited her she basically broke out into gales of laughter telling me "black people don't sleep in tents and black people don't swim in lakes". She basically make fun of the fact that I had invited a 'black person to go camping' as that demonstrated to her I knew nothing about 'black people'. Anyways I am sure some black people do camp and do swim in lakes but her reaction made me hesitate to invite her to anything again, and made me very self conscious about inviting people where I might be breaking some unknown racial norm.

As a black person who does the things you describe, I have to say, generally what she said is true. My friends and family think I'm nuts. I've also heard "black people don't ice skate!" "Black people don't ski" and "black people don't eat sushi!" She wasn't making fun of you, this is just how we joke. She didn't want to go camping, but it wasn't a personal slight. You could try again and invite her to something black people "do".

AA mother and successful professional here. I generally agree with PP. I am 50 years old and no AA I knew growing up did any of the activities you described. I remember going on a couple of ski trips. It could have been because I lived in the city, our parents worked all the time, lack of exposure, etc. I went to predominately black schools until high school, an HBCU in undergrad and a top 10 law school. Law school in the mid 80s was really the first time I was exposed daily to white people and a lot of the white students came from affluent households and had little encounters with black people unless they were domestics. I always felt more comfortable ganging out with black students. I am a successful lawyer and am often the only black person in meetings. I work in-house for a large company. I have gotten used to it, unfortunately, and do not feel inhibited but at the end of the day, I'm done with white folks and don't want them in my life after work or on the weekends if I can help it. I have to attend board meetings out of town and find those the worst. I find most white people incredibly boring and shallow. I literally count down the days I can get on a plane and go home. I switch gears to my kids who attend an expensive private school. They are always around white kids and completely comfortable. My daughter is the only black girl in her grade and is confident and comfortable in her own skin. My son is popular and very well liked by his white peers. They have a solid core of black friends at school and on weekends. They are athletic and play all the sports that at one time were traditionally thought of as white sports -- competitive swimming, volleyball, lacrosse, softball. They also play on their school basketball teams. But, I am protective of them especially my son. I am watchful of covert racism and am on the offensive to protect my son. I also don't hesitant to let the school know in subtle ways I am a skilled attorney and will break out the "can of kick ass" if necessary. So far, my kids are successful academically, athletically and socially around their white peers but I am always on the lookout because deep down I don't trust white people. Yes, OP, represents the white entitlement attitude that a lot of white folks have. And, no, I don't want to be friends with you or your friends. Period. And, I also don't care what you think of me. Too old for that now and I live my life as I please in my 2 million dollar house with a swimming pool.

[Anonymous]

^^^Your candor is refreshing!! I love the old school reference to "a can of kick ass."