Why do black people self-segregate?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:" I find them intrinsically self focused and hardened. I find their relationship with their parents, siblings, kids - distant. Even the most functional families have this dysfunction. It astounds, disturbs and scares me. Their friendly outward persona makes me suspicious of them, because I do not see any emotional integrity behind that facade. Their capability to move on easily in the even of a death, divorce, breakup - may be a necessity of their culture, society, family dynamics or even a sign of their independence and maturity - but it makes them seem less than intact to me. "

This is why lots of AA people will always be poor - willing to support scads of extended family financially. I just don't get that.

AA people are poor because of slavery and the the systemic racism that they endured here, in the same way India is a poor country because of 200 years of looting and pillage by the British Raj. Will they always be in this situation? No, hopefully things are changing for AA as things are changing for some of the nations that were colonized by western countries.

Having said that, I am thankful to you for providing me the perfect anecdotal example of a "self focused, hardened, lacking emotional integrity" reaction of a white person. Considering that AA families were torn apart because of slavery (and the prison system) - and all the hardships they go through - they still have a notion of what a family is, and they will inconvenience themselves for family and pick up the slack where it is required. That is a credit to this community because they do have each others back.

I feel sorry for anyone who does not have this support. They are to be pitied. And since you learn to become a part of a support structure for others only if others have provided/provide the same support to you - someone who does not get why families support each other, is incapable of any kind of deep emotional connection with anyone else.

I am not AA, I am Asian.

STANDING OVATION

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I live in CA, West Coast where race issues are really no big deal. In this forum, there are a lot of race-related things on here that seem like a big-deal to people.

Is race a bigger deal on the East Coast??

Out here, no one cares. No one blinks an eye over interracial couples on the streets. Or is all blacks eat at one table and Asians eat at another.

Like, what is the big deal.

Sorry for the smart ass mocking of PPs. Everyone here isn't like that. But many are.
Now you see that the ignorance isn't always race based.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:" I find them intrinsically self focused and hardened. I find their relationship with their parents, siblings, kids - distant. Even the most functional families have this dysfunction. It astounds, disturbs and scares me. Their friendly outward persona makes me suspicious of them, because I do not see any emotional integrity behind that facade. Their capability to move on easily in the even of a death, divorce, breakup - may be a necessity of their culture, society, family dynamics or even a sign of their independence and maturity - but it makes them seem less than intact to me. "

This is why lots of AA people will always be poor - willing to support scads of extended family financially. I just don't get that.

AA people are poor because of slavery and the the systemic racism that they endured here, in the same way India is a poor country because of 200 years of looting and pillage by the British Raj. Will they always be in this situation? No, hopefully things are changing for AA as things are changing for some of the nations that were colonized by western countries.

Having said that, I am thankful to you for providing me the perfect anecdotal example of a "self focused, hardened, lacking emotional integrity" reaction of a white person. Considering that AA families were torn apart because of slavery (and the prison system) - and all the hardships they go through - they still have a notion of what a family is, and they will inconvenience themselves for family and pick up the slack where it is required. That is a credit to this community because they do have each others back.

I feel sorry for anyone who does not have this support. They are to be pitied. And since you learn to become a part of a support structure for others only if others have provided/provide the same support to you - someone who does not get why families support each other, is incapable of any kind of deep emotional connection with anyone else.

I am not AA, I am Asian.

STANDING OVATION

+2.
Thank you PP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I find it harder to relate in different types of situations. If I say I'm going to the beach, saying I don't need a tan isn't helpful. I'm really not sure why that black mom has her son in those shoes. No, I'm not sure why you think my natural hair feels like Brillo. Comments like these from roommates and colleagues make it difficult for me to relate to the experiences of the white women in my life. I don't feel the need to ask why that white woman has grown her sons hair long or to inquire about sunburns if you say you are going to the beach. It feels like there's a different level of what can be said.

I don't get this.

I've never thought to say any of those things you mentioned in your post. I've never thought them.

I would never ask to touch your hair even though I might admire its natural beauty. I know that sun can damage all skin types. And people have different taste in clothes.

To be honest, after reading through so many posts, however, I'm afraid of saying anything, as it just might be taken the wrong way coming from a white female.

If we - as women - would just stop society from telling us how beauty is defined, we'd probably get along much better. But to be honest, as a white female with graying hair, I'm tired of hearing, "It just makes you look much older."

yeah . . . well I AM old!

And to those of you with your highlights and botox shots - you're fooling no one.

So maybe if we'd just relax around each other, we'd be better off. But I fear this will never happen.

So the next time you see me, tell me how much you admire me for refusing to conform and for really liking myself as I hit 50, and I might just tell you that I love how your afro frames your beautiful face.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To be racist you must have power to oppress another group of people.

Thank you! I swear people will never get that there is a difference between racism and prejudice. I love it when white people call Black people racist. Ha!!! Impossible!!!

really?

My black boss has used her power to bully white females. One colleague recently filed a complaint against her.

She is a racist. She hates whites and has made that clear on many occasions. It's all been documented. I expect others to follow soon enough b/c once that ball gets rolling . . .

You're speaking of one individual in a controlled environment where - yes, he's the boss and he has power.
But we talking about blacks as a whole in society not one dude in a funky office. Blacks as a whole in society own nothing and control nothing and preside over nothing whereas whites as a whole own everything and control everything and preside over everything.

Someone just shot a weapon in the zoo, which had to be evacuated.

Care to guess the race of said shooter?

This is exactly what we're talking about. Someone of my race is a criminal and a moron, and for some reason white people will act as though he represents us all. Its EXHAUSTING. The idea that my every move will be held against members of my race that come after me, in my school, my job, and my neighborhood, is a heavy burden, as well as the fact that every stupid move of those that came before me is held against me. With my black friends and family, only my own actions, and my own character matter. Its nice, and yes, I'm going to seek out those experiences first.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:" I find them intrinsically self focused and hardened. I find their relationship with their parents, siblings, kids - distant. Even the most functional families have this dysfunction. It astounds, disturbs and scares me. Their friendly outward persona makes me suspicious of them, because I do not see any emotional integrity behind that facade. Their capability to move on easily in the even of a death, divorce, breakup - may be a necessity of their culture, society, family dynamics or even a sign of their independence and maturity - but it makes them seem less than intact to me. "

This is why lots of AA people will always be poor - willing to support scads of extended family financially. I just don't get that.

AA people are poor because of slavery and the the systemic racism that they endured here, in the same way India is a poor country because of 200 years of looting and pillage by the British Raj. Will they always be in this situation? No, hopefully things are changing for AA as things are changing for some of the nations that were colonized by western countries.

Having said that, I am thankful to you for providing me the perfect anecdotal example of a "self focused, hardened, lacking emotional integrity" reaction of a white person. Considering that AA families were torn apart because of slavery (and the prison system) - and all the hardships they go through - they still have a notion of what a family is, and they will inconvenience themselves for family and pick up the slack where it is required. That is a credit to this community because they do have each others back.

I feel sorry for anyone who does not have this support. They are to be pitied. And since you learn to become a part of a support structure for others only if others have provided/provide the same support to you - someone who does not get why families support each other, is incapable of any kind of deep emotional connection with anyone else.

I am not AA, I am Asian.

Beautiful words. But misleading words.

AA families TODAY are not torn apart by 150-year-old slavery, or the prison system. They are torn apart by absent fathers, lack of personal responsibility, and criminal activity which (surprise surprise) leads to prison.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

AA mother and successful professional here. I generally agree with PP. I am 50 years old and no AA I knew growing up did any of the activities you described. I remember going on a couple of ski trips. It could have been because I lived in the city, our parents worked all the time, lack of exposure, etc. I went to predominately black schools until high school, an HBCU in undergrad and a top 10 law school. Law school in the mid 80s was really the first time I was exposed daily to white people and a lot of the white students came from affluent households and had little encounters with black people unless they were domestics. I always felt more comfortable ganging out with black students. I am a successful lawyer and am often the only black person in meetings. I work in-house for a large company. I have gotten used to it, unfortunately, and do not feel inhibited but at the end of the day, I'm done with white folks and don't want them in my life after work or on the weekends if I can help it. I have to attend board meetings out of town and find those the worst. I find most white people incredibly boring and shallow. I literally count down the days I can get on a plane and go home. I switch gears to my kids who attend an expensive private school. They are always around white kids and completely comfortable. My daughter is the only black girl in her grade and is confident and comfortable in her own skin. My son is popular and very well liked by his white peers. They have a solid core of black friends at school and on weekends. They are athletic and play all the sports that at one time were traditionally thought of as white sports -- competitive swimming, volleyball, lacrosse, softball. They also play on their school basketball teams. But, I am protective of them especially my son. I am watchful of covert racism and am on the offensive to protect my son. I also don't hesitant to let the school know in subtle ways I am a skilled attorney and will break out the "can of kick ass" if necessary. So far, my kids are successful academically, athletically and socially around their white peers but I am always on the lookout because deep down I don't trust white people. Yes, OP, represents the white entitlement attitude that a lot of white folks have. And, no, I don't want to be friends with you or your friends. Period. And, I also don't care what you think of me. Too old for that now and I live my life as I please in my 2 million dollar house with a swimming pool.

This post makes me very very sad. I guess our country is doomed.

Uh huh. It's definitely black folks with successful kids who are enamored of their swimming pools that are dooming our country. Whatever.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:" I find them intrinsically self focused and hardened. I find their relationship with their parents, siblings, kids - distant. Even the most functional families have this dysfunction. It astounds, disturbs and scares me. Their friendly outward persona makes me suspicious of them, because I do not see any emotional integrity behind that facade. Their capability to move on easily in the even of a death, divorce, breakup - may be a necessity of their culture, society, family dynamics or even a sign of their independence and maturity - but it makes them seem less than intact to me. "

This is why lots of AA people will always be poor - willing to support scads of extended family financially. I just don't get that.

AA people are poor because of slavery and the the systemic racism that they endured here, in the same way India is a poor country because of 200 years of looting and pillage by the British Raj. Will they always be in this situation? No, hopefully things are changing for AA as things are changing for some of the nations that were colonized by western countries.

Having said that, I am thankful to you for providing me the perfect anecdotal example of a "self focused, hardened, lacking emotional integrity" reaction of a white person. Considering that AA families were torn apart because of slavery (and the prison system) - and all the hardships they go through - they still have a notion of what a family is, and they will inconvenience themselves for family and pick up the slack where it is required. That is a credit to this community because they do have each others back.

I feel sorry for anyone who does not have this support. They are to be pitied. And since you learn to become a part of a support structure for others only if others have provided/provide the same support to you - someone who does not get why families support each other, is incapable of any kind of deep emotional connection with anyone else.

I am not AA, I am Asian.

Beautiful words. But misleading words.

AA families TODAY are not torn apart by 150-year-old slavery, or the prison system. They are torn apart by absent fathers, lack of personal responsibility, and criminal activity which (surprise surprise) leads to prison.

Read the book The Post Traumatic Slave Syndrome by Dr. Joy De Gruy. It will help you understand PP's post better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:" I find them intrinsically self focused and hardened. I find their relationship with their parents, siblings, kids - distant. Even the most functional families have this dysfunction. It astounds, disturbs and scares me. Their friendly outward persona makes me suspicious of them, because I do not see any emotional integrity behind that facade. Their capability to move on easily in the even of a death, divorce, breakup - may be a necessity of their culture, society, family dynamics or even a sign of their independence and maturity - but it makes them seem less than intact to me. "

This is why lots of AA people will always be poor - willing to support scads of extended family financially. I just don't get that.

AA people are poor because of slavery and the the systemic racism that they endured here, in the same way India is a poor country because of 200 years of looting and pillage by the British Raj. Will they always be in this situation? No, hopefully things are changing for AA as things are changing for some of the nations that were colonized by western countries.

Having said that, I am thankful to you for providing me the perfect anecdotal example of a "self focused, hardened, lacking emotional integrity" reaction of a white person. Considering that AA families were torn apart because of slavery (and the prison system) - and all the hardships they go through - they still have a notion of what a family is, and they will inconvenience themselves for family and pick up the slack where it is required. That is a credit to this community because they do have each others back.

I feel sorry for anyone who does not have this support. They are to be pitied. And since you learn to become a part of a support structure for others only if others have provided/provide the same support to you - someone who does not get why families support each other, is incapable of any kind of deep emotional connection with anyone else.

I am not AA, I am Asian.

Beautiful words. But misleading words.

AA families TODAY are not torn apart by 150-year-old slavery, or the prison system. They are torn apart by absent fathers, lack of personal responsibility, and criminal activity which (surprise surprise) leads to prison.

Are you f$@#ing serious? You think those effects disappear over a couple of generations? My mother grew up in Jim Crow era America. My grandparents were not educated and did the best that they could in the kinds of jobs they were allowed to have; a maid and a sanitation worker. My family has grown from those humble roots, to solid upper middle class standing, most of us with advanced degrees, but i know how hard it was to get here, and I don't believe for one second that beyond the hard work, a good portion of it was timing and luck. Things could have easily gone differently and we'd still be stuck in the hood struggling to make ends meet. Get your head out of your ass please.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To be racist you must have power to oppress another group of people.

Thank you! I swear people will never get that there is a difference between racism and prejudice. I love it when white people call Black people racist. Ha!!! Impossible!!!

really?

My black boss has used her power to bully white females. One colleague recently filed a complaint against her.

She is a racist. She hates whites and has made that clear on many occasions. It's all been documented. I expect others to follow soon enough b/c once that ball gets rolling . . .

You're speaking of one individual in a controlled environment where - yes, he's the boss and he has power.
But we talking about blacks as a whole in society not one dude in a funky office. Blacks as a whole in society own nothing and control nothing and preside over nothing whereas whites as a whole own everything and control everything and preside over everything.

Someone just shot a weapon in the zoo, which had to be evacuated.

Care to guess the race of said shooter?

This is exactly what we're talking about. Someone of my race is a criminal and a moron, and for some reason white people will act as though he represents us all. Its EXHAUSTING. The idea that my every move will be held against members of my race that come after me, in my school, my job, and my neighborhood, is a heavy burden, as well as the fact that every stupid move of those that came before me is held against me. With my black friends and family, only my own actions, and my own character matter. Its nice, and yes, I'm going to seek out those experiences first.

You nailed it, pp! OP asked - and if OP doesn't pay attention to answers like yours, he/she will be the loser for it.

[Anonymous]

I think OP's questions shows a serious lack of imagination. You really can't understand why a person, any person, would want to hang around with people who are most like them? Who are most likely to accept them without blinking? Whether it's hair, speech, appearance, whatever.... don't we all want to be with people who accept us and are most inclined to form positive judgments about us, without even trying? Just like Italians stuck to Italians when they first emigrated, Irish stuck to Irish, then it was Catholics with Catholics.... it's human nature. Birds of a feather flock together.

My boss is in his mid 50s. He was a kid, probably about ten or 12 years old, when Jim Crow was finally outlawed. You think he doesn't remember those days? He was a kid in a world of separate water fountains and swimming pools. Now you think the black lady in my office should assume that he wants to be invited to her son's graduation???? You assume he actually WANTS to go?

Many black people still alive in this country remember those days, and the vicious opposition to civil rights that this country faced at that time. I can understand if black people feel that underneath the smiles, many white people are secretly still like that. Hell, even *I* think that an unfortunate number of white people are still like that!

I think things are getting better. My kids don't understand racism, at all. My kids are multi racial (although not black) and their kids will probably be even more diverse. Pretty soon everyone's family, everyone's base group of acceptance will be multi colored. But in the meantime, I don't blame the black ladies in my office one bit for choosing to self segregate. Whether it's the lunch room or the Christmas party or dinner out at the annual company off site meeting, yes, they are hanging out together. Makes perfect sense to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Black people don't like white people.

Black people don't TRUST white people.

What about the black people who are married to white people?

I'm not the poster that you questioned. However, from my experience we're considered race traitor Oreos and "some" black people don't trust us. Actually, we're often times hated more than white people. I've lost many friendships over the years with black people. Unfortunately, once they found out that my husband is white their attitude and demeanor towards me change. It's like, "Oh, so you're one of those type of blacks." Isn't it ironic?

Who the heck do you hang around?? I've been with my white husband over ten years and have some surprisingly white, red haired kids and can't imagine anyone saying anything even CLOSE to that to me. No one has ever uttered anything negative towards us. Interesting that your experience has been so different. I would say you're much better off without those friendships. No way I would want people that feel that way around my husband and kids.

PP you can not honestly believe that poster was speaking from experience. I have never heard nor experienced anything remotely what she stated. But it's easy to make stuff up on an anonymous board. Really, think about what she posted and tell me if that makes sense.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:" I find them intrinsically self focused and hardened. I find their relationship with their parents, siblings, kids - distant. Even the most functional families have this dysfunction. It astounds, disturbs and scares me. Their friendly outward persona makes me suspicious of them, because I do not see any emotional integrity behind that facade. Their capability to move on easily in the even of a death, divorce, breakup - may be a necessity of their culture, society, family dynamics or even a sign of their independence and maturity - but it makes them seem less than intact to me. "

This is why lots of AA people will always be poor - willing to support scads of extended family financially. I just don't get that.

AA people are poor because of slavery and the the systemic racism that they endured here, in the same way India is a poor country because of 200 years of looting and pillage by the British Raj. Will they always be in this situation? No, hopefully things are changing for AA as things are changing for some of the nations that were colonized by western countries.

Having said that, I am thankful to you for providing me the perfect anecdotal example of a "self focused, hardened, lacking emotional integrity" reaction of a white person. Considering that AA families were torn apart because of slavery (and the prison system) - and all the hardships they go through - they still have a notion of what a family is, and they will inconvenience themselves for family and pick up the slack where it is required. That is a credit to this community because they do have each others back.

I feel sorry for anyone who does not have this support. They are to be pitied. And since you learn to become a part of a support structure for others only if others have provided/provide the same support to you - someone who does not get why families support each other, is incapable of any kind of deep emotional connection with anyone else.

I am not AA, I am Asian.

Beautiful words. But misleading words.

AA families TODAY are not torn apart by 150-year-old slavery, or the prison system. They are torn apart by absent fathers, lack of personal responsibility, and criminal activity which (surprise surprise) leads to prison.

Read the book The Post Traumatic Slave Syndrome by Dr. Joy De Gruy. It will help you understand PP's post better.

Read any neuroscience book, perhaps starting with The Brain that Changes itself, by Doidge. It will help you trascend the slavery-related easy excuses.

[Anonymous]

White people TODAY didn't own slaves so they are not torn apart by the inhumanity of the institution of slavery nor the racist ideologies that resulted from it. They are merely beneficiaries of that enslavement and the recipients of those old racist ideologies that they still stubbornly support and promote. What white people today are truly torn up about is the reality that they're running through their inheritance. 400 years of forced labor in the field and free labor in the house had white folks sitting pretty straight running shit. But every empire sees its end, time conquers all and this empire of white male property owners is slowly being watered down by women and minorities and immigrants and (gasp!) gays. Lol the world is falling apart for white folks and they ready to lose their damn minds. They clinging to every stereotype they can get their hands on to sustain that myth of superiority...
But time conquers all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
I guess so. White people will NEVER understand how hard it is for Black people to assimilate. It's the small things that are exhausting; the intangibles. I was in a store in Friendship Heights and was followed by security for about 15 minutes. Really!!!! I went in there after work so I was dressed appropriately. My hair was nice. I had on really nice shoes and was carrying a nice bag. I guess the brown skin was too much for them. I didn't even get angry. I just left, went home, poured a glass of wine and said, "tomorrow is a new day."

I've had this experience in DC more times than I can count. One of the reasons I shop online for the most part is to avoid this BS. Or I shop in my own community.