I want to fall out of love with a married man.

[Anonymous]

Cant wait to hear the update and how he convinces her to stay. Therapy Op. You need it

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Doesn't it bother you that he had a baby with his wife???
And you just found out? Isn't that enough to perceive him and your relationship differently?

yes. You're right. It makes me sick, and it makes me sad.
I feel pathetic, which is why I posted. I cry about this all the time. I still love him, but I know this needs to end. I worry that Ill never find someone I am so compatible with ever. Again.

But he's a liar. And he is clearly out for himself - your well-being isn't a priority to him.
He doesn't deserve your love and devotion.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Doesn't it bother you that he had a baby with his wife???
And you just found out? Isn't that enough to perceive him and your relationship differently?

yes. You're right. It makes me sick, and it makes me sad.
I feel pathetic, which is why I posted. I cry about this all the time. I still love him, but I know this needs to end. I worry that Ill never find someone I am so compatible with ever. Again.

Seeing as this is who you think you are so compatible with, I don't think you will find it hard at all to find other like him. Lots of men out there who cheat and lie. If that is what you look for in a man and what makes you compatible, you are set for life. There are no end to marriages that you can inset yourself into, and women you can disrespect.

That's no t what I meant by compatibility, but I think you know that.

As soon as I found out that a man I was dating was cheating on his wife, we would no longer have been compatible. You still felt you were compatible knowing that information, and still think you are so compatible now.

I didnt see it as cheating originally because he had his own place, and was separated. Her facebook says separated as well.

Separated still means married and yet for almost 4 years he was able to convince you there was a good reason not to get a divorce. Please get therapy to get to the root of why you are so easily manipulated.

[Anonymous]

God this is pathetic. He lied to you, continued to have sex with his wife, fed you stories to make you believe he couldnt file for divorce, etc. Doesnt sound like he loved you (were you just going to be his side piece forever and never divorce his wife) and knew he could manipulate you by buyin you things and taking you on vacation. And you really think youll never find someone youre more compatible with?

Get into therapy ASAP

[Anonymous]

My dear, Love is also mutual respect. It doesn't appear he has that for you. Otherwise he wouldn't be stringing you along and getting his wife pregnant at the same time. This guy has "loser" written all over and probably has self esteem issues. Any self respecting man would think twice before behaving so irrationally. You my dear, have your entire life ahead of you. Cut your losses quick and move away from this creep before he comes up with another bait to keep you engaged.

[Anonymous]

Wow.

OP is sad and pathetic. She is his whore. Side piece.

Get some therapy because you think this is "compatible," clearly you do not know about truly being loved and cared for. That would mean you are his one and only - and never lies to you.

This man does not love you, no matter what you tell yourself.

He loves only himself.

[Anonymous]

You know what to do to cut all contact with him. Be prepared to miss him for 5 - 6 months, and then one day, you will be fine.

Make sure that you are busy, specifically during the time that you typically spent with him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"Tell his wife"? For what? That is the dumbest advice I've ever heard.

Just move on with your life. No need to destroy his or hers.

The wife's life has already been destroyed - the destroying actions have already happened. Telling her isn't destroying her life, it is just showing her basic respect so that she isn't in the dark about what is happening in her own marriage. To let her make informed decisions about her own personal health and get tested for sexually transmitted diseases?

I have never understood the whole 'don't tell'. If your parent died would you want your family to not tell you because telling you would be hurtful. Should they just deal with the death and funeral behind your back and lie to you so that they don't hurt you with the truth. The death has already happened - Would you really rather not know and just go on blissfully while everyone else knows and are making decisions about your life that you aren't apart of? Would you really feel that someone's intentions in telling you about a family death were to hurt you and destroy your life - and you would get angry at them, preferring to they just kept lying to you to cover to keep you in the dark?

Not telling is just cowardly.

Oh please, that's ridiculous. Telling her IS destroying her life. It is also an obvious act of selfishness - i.e., it's about YOU not about her.

If you are the "other woman" you don't even get to talk about "showing her basic respect". You've already totally failed on that front. What you should do now is just go away.

If my parent died, I wouldn't want the murderer to be the one who told me about it, since very obviously the purity of that person's motives in telling me would be highly suspect to say the least.

I don't think it has to be the other woman that tells her. Someone needs to tell her. It is weird you think that telling someone what is going on in their own life would be selfish - I know many people who have found out from others that their spouses were having affairs and they have been very grateful - not angry that the teller did something selfish.

Would you not want anyone to tell you though about your parent's death - you would prefer to be in the dark because it is only the telling you about the death that would be hurtful. It isn't hurtful that your parent died if you don't know about it.

Her husband is sleeping with other women, risking her health and making her live a lie. You are really a-okay with that? Think it is a good thing? You really think the only bad thing is for her to find out and that as long as she doesn't know then all is good?

It is obviously selfish and evil if the "other woman" tells the wife. The intention in that case is, "if I can't have him, she can't have him either" and also "I must punish him for not divorcing his wife". Perhaps also she hopes to provoke a divorce that will propel him into her arms.

Gee, somehow all this "she deserves to know, she should be protected from disease, she cannot live a lie" crap just didn't apply during the three years she was happily sleeping with another woman's husband. Oh, but now she wants the relationship to end, somehow she should be filled with the noble desire to make sure the man's wife is fully informed. What a load of baloney.

The third woman should simply go away, period. That is the best thing she can do for this man's wife - and she should have done it a long time ago.

[Anonymous]

I worry that Ill never find someone I am so compatible with ever. Again.

Oh, honey. Didn't you say you were in your early 20s? Even if you were in your early 30s, I'd still say the reason you say this is because you're in the midst of self-pity. It's just not true and continuing that line of thinking will lead you too close to thinking that you shouldn't cut it off.

You need to find a friend or therapist who can bolster you when you feel weak. This loser (and he IS a loser) likely knows how he's got you wrapped and will prey upon your emotions to keep you tethered to him. The thinking person in you knows you need to end it. Ignore the emotional person. You deserve so much better than this. If you don't end it, you'll be wasting even more of your time. How will you ever meet the right guy if you're not giving yourself the opportunity?

[Anonymous]

I've been in the same situation. It sucks all around. He seems perfect for you, but he's not. I didn't see what an ass he was until I met someone who acts like a boyfriend should.

I don't know what the hell I was thinking. I put up with so much shit..for nothing.

Run. Don't look back. It won't improve.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Obviously he is still holding on to his wife for some reason. He could very well be using you for sex and perhaps just a little life excitement but have zero intention of marrying you or being with you in public.

Tell his wife. How he respouunds will tell you what his intentions are for your relationship. I know someone who has been with a married man for ten years, so 3.5 years means nothing.

I am not going to tell her. I just found out she recently had a baby. No need to hurt her. I have the opportunity to move this summer and I think I will. I am in my 20's so 3.5 yrs isn't nothing to me. As for public we are always out in public and he takes me on vacation, pays my bills etc. But thank you for all of your input.

What is hurting her is that her husband is sleeping around with other women, betraying her, and possibly bringing diseases home and giving them to her and maybe to her baby.

Woman not women. We are always safe, and I have no sti's. We both got tested before we had s e x. How is he giving anything to the baby?

He's a cheater. What makes you think he isn't cheating on you, too?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

I worry that Ill never find someone I am so compatible with ever. Again.

Oh, honey. Didn't you say you were in your early 20s? Even if you were in your early 30s, I'd still say the reason you say this is because you're in the midst of self-pity. It's just not true and continuing that line of thinking will lead you too close to thinking that you shouldn't cut it off.

You need to find a friend or therapist who can bolster you when you feel weak. This loser (and he IS a loser) likely knows how he's got you wrapped and will prey upon your emotions to keep you tethered to him. The thinking person in you knows you need to end it. Ignore the emotional person. You deserve so much better than this. If you don't end it, you'll be wasting even more of your time. How will you ever meet the right guy if you're not giving yourself the opportunity?

Thank you for this. I did break it off and he cried. It was awful. But I didn't waiver.
Anyways just wanted to update.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You know what to do to cut all contact with him. Be prepared to miss him for 5 - 6 months, and then one day, you will be fine.

Make sure that you are busy, specifically during the time that you typically spent with him.

+1 Kick him to the curb once and fall. You might be surprised by just how free you will feel.

You deserve better!

[Anonymous]

^for all, not fall

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I worry that Ill never find someone I am so compatible with ever. Again.

Oh, honey. Didn't you say you were in your early 20s? Even if you were in your early 30s, I'd still say the reason you say this is because you're in the midst of self-pity. It's just not true and continuing that line of thinking will lead you too close to thinking that you shouldn't cut it off.

You need to find a friend or therapist who can bolster you when you feel weak. This loser (and he IS a loser) likely knows how he's got you wrapped and will prey upon your emotions to keep you tethered to him. The thinking person in you knows you need to end it. Ignore the emotional person. You deserve so much better than this. If you don't end it, you'll be wasting even more of your time. How will you ever meet the right guy if you're not giving yourself the opportunity?

Thank you for this. I did break it off and he cried. It was awful. But I didn't waiver.
Anyways just wanted to update.

Don't fall for the crying OP. He is probably crying for himself, not for you... The creep that he is! You are so much better off, without him. Take your time before dating again. So proud of you!