Mothers - How many sex partners would you want your daughter to have prior to marriage?

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01/11/2014 11:24

Subject: Mothers - How many sex partners would you want your daughter to have prior to marriage?

quote

Anonymous

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The truth is that sex is about emotions. You can't put numbers on that. Also, some people bond sexually on a deeper level than others. As DH says, women can be predatory too. Women and men can be both monogamous and polygamous.

Where feelings are involved -- for a person who gives his/her heart like myself and DH -- it's best to limit partners. We both have numbers in the single digits, and we've been together for nearly two decades now.

We we've both had experience with "players," people who cheat but treat monogamous partners as security blankets. Bad experiences all around.

The greater goal is to teach sexual ethics. There's nothing wrong with being a "slut" if you're sexually responsible, use protection and don't use partners who seek an exclusive relationship. However, it's best to wait until both partners are of legal age so that they get the nuances of birth control and STD protection.

Also, sexual orientation is not only about partners but about one's identity. Trying another orientation that doesn't fit one's psyche is stupid, a "user" move, and emotionally damaging to both partners.

The goal is to teach respect, both of oneself and of one's partners, but sex isn't about numbers, it's about relationships.

Thoughtful post, thanks.

OP here - I think that exploring sexual orientation its healthy actually. If you have questions, answer them.

Can you tell me why you think there is nothing wrong with being a "slut" as you put it?

If sex is about relationships and not numbers as you say - how could someone with 50 partners at age 25 have the relationships to go with the experience?

"Slut" is a sexist stereotype of non-monogamous women that keeps us all down. If a woman has multiple partners responsibly and ethically, I have no problem being friends with her simply because I'm monogamous. We may have different sex/relationship goals, but we have the same other goals: equality politically, socially and economically. Not all promiscuous women want to break up other relationships. They just don't want to be tied down. That experience is valid and I don't feel the need to judge.

As for "exploring" orientations, that's O.K. if a person genuinely has those feelings, but most of us are clearly straight or gay and know it by high school. They don't need to explore because they know who they are. They shouldn't use others just out of curiosity. Not knowing is O.K., too, as long as such explorations involve letting the partner know that s/he's just exploring. Using protection is absolutely paramount in such situations because they often involve high risk sex, both physically and emotionally. Mindlessly giving someone else a disease is crazy and cruel in this day and age, when people can prevent the spread of chronic, potentially life threatening illnesses.

No, volume is not the goal here. Staying true to one's identity and experiencing mutual respect with partners, whatever the number, is the goal.

Ideally, sex is about the expression of love, not the exploitation of another human being.

thanks again for the thoughtful post.

you said you'd be friends with a woman you described but would you want that for your daughter?

would you be concerned if your daughter said at 22 she had had 22 sexual partners? even if she assured you she had taken all precautions and had feelings for the guys?