Reply to SIL and family want to "vacation" at our house next summer

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote]My dad called and informed me this was the plan.  Fine with me.  My father will be flying in [b]from Asia[/b].  He will be spending his time in the US staying with relatives and friends.  My mother passed away this year very unexpectedly.  They had been married for 50 yrs.  Very happy he's coming and my brothers and their families too.[/quote]

Ah!  That explains it.  You're Asian.   Yeah, we've seen a lot of posts from people with Asian ILs - often DILs (but sometimes DDs) who are fed up with their ILs meddling and intrusiveness.  You need to realize that not everyone feels as you do.  That doesn't make it wrong, it just makes it different.  You need to respect other people's feelings especially when it comes to their homes - a [wo]man's home is her castle.  Even relatives need to be sensitive to that.[/quote]

My DH is not Asian but willing to put up with the inconvenience and my relatives in his castle.  It's only a week and he's always a perfect gentleman and gracious host especially to recently widowed old people who want to be with family for comfort.[/quote]

Yeah, I got that but OP isn't Asian, doesn't have the same expectations as you and is expected to do a lot more than your DH is.  There's a huge difference between hosting YOUR family and hosting your ILs.  But that's really beside the point.  Different families have different expectations - hell, expectations within the same family can vary wildly.  Expecting your SIL/DIL (or anyone really) to feel the same way you do about these things is presumptuous and can damage your relationships.  I say this as someone who hosted her FIL for months after he was widowed.  He's local but he stayed with us the first month and DH stayed with him at his house the next month.  It made a difficult transition easier.  But, I don't expect anyone else in my position to do the same thing.  It worked for us but might not for others.  That doesn't make me better, it just makes me different than someone else.  No judgment applied. [/quote]

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