Grown children--do you help them financially?
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Anonymous
They have expensive cars they bought for themselves, but only have a bachelor's degree and just recently graduated? hmm, if it smells like shit, it's probably shit. Also, LOL at an expensive car being a sign that you've made it. Any jerk with decent credit can buy or lease an expensive car -- as long as he doesn't mind forking over a huge payment every month. |
Anonymous
I'm not sure that's true. My brother just bought a house after house-sitting, rent-free in my uncle's home for 3 years and then another 6 months in my parents' house. He paid for utilities while house sitting but he hadn't had his name on a lease since 2009 and he said the bank was willing to give him a bigger loan than he could really afford. |
Anonymous
PP here and I agree with you. Honestly, it never even occurred to me to get my own phone plan and it should have - I do feel less financially savvy because of all the "help" I received and that's why I don't plan to continue this pattern for the next generation. My dad is still offering big gifts - wanted to pay off the rest of our car loan because he gave all the other kids cars and felt it wasn't fair to have had us pay for our own - but it just makes me feel uncomfortable now and I think it's very indirectly straining the relationship between my dad and DH. So, I've cut myself off and no longer accept big gifts. I think it's just better for my family. |
Anonymous
| Letting your newly graduated grown child come back home for a few months, or even a year, to work hard and save on rent is one thing - maybe that money goes towards paying off student loans, or gets saved up for grad school (what I did), etc. I think that's potentially a great financial move as long as (1) the parents are genuinely happy to have the kid at home and (2) the kid is working hard with a goal in mind and chipping in around the house with dishes, cooking, laundry, etc. |
Anonymous
| No, but we contribute to our grandchildrens' 529 college funds. |
Anonymous
| 12:38 - THIS. You are only helping them. I can't stand the thought of parents paying for their kids apartments. :HURL: |
Anonymous
| I'm a nanny and my parents bought me a car, house and paid for my education/rent etc. I love working with kids and having my house paid off lets me have a (low paying) job I love. Every day I know I'm making a difference and thanks to my parents generosity with the house I can continue working as a nanny. My parents don't pay for anything else, the house was my send off into the real world. I'm grateful and I work hard every day with kids I adore. If you want to call me and entitled diva princess, that's your choice but I am a hard working person who needed a little help. Now I can live comfortably and keep the job I love. |
Anonymous
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I think you are crippling your kids by helping them too much. DH and I got married at 24 and were on our own (we do get the occasional Costco trip for trash bags, toilet paper and a box of diapers when parents who live on the other coast visit). We paid for DHs gradschool on our own, bought our house without a penny of help and yes while we do have debt we've done it on our own. It hasn't been easy but you don't see us eating at expensive restaurants, buying the latest gadgets or taking vacations anywhere other than grandparents homes.
Dhs siblings, not so much- one still lives in the basement and will *someday* graduate from college- we're at year 9 for a bachelors and have at least 2 to 3 years to go. Her boyfriend moved in as well, so it's a great white trash story. Other BIL lives in grandma's house, had it entirely fixed up, doesn't even want to pay taxes or the cable bill. MIL agrees but FIL "put his foot down" so he had to pay $500 in taxes...they are around $5500. Has BIL saved any money living there? Not a penny, always complains he's broke with NO LIVING EXPENSES and makes around $60K a year. He's trashed the house but did buy a $4,000 tv for the wall. (This is the same child that drained the ENTIRE college fund by going to a loser no name school and taking 6 years to get a degree.) DH stayed at home for college to save on expenses while his siblings have been subsidized for years. His siblings are miserable, always looking for a handout and are so crippled it's disgusting. MIL wakes up to make coffee for SIL and boyfriend, makes all meals. FIL complains about how expensive it is to have them home but won't do a thing about it. And, the kids in DC that are on Daddy's Dime are not in the real world. DH's best friend is on his parents dime- his rent was almost double ours when we rented because we were in the non-granite, aged bathroom that was clean but not updated apt far from a Metro while he's in the top notch, brand new apt steps from the Metro. Eating out for us is a treat, for him he doesn't buy groceries since it's easier to eat out and spend $50 on a dinner. He has no idea what it's like to have to figure things out. At one point he said he needed money and at first didn't like to ask his grandma for funds but he now just asks so much it's no big deal. If he was cut off tomorrow, he wouldn't know how to survive. But not to worry, he just got $300,000 toward his house fund. I hope to someday help our kids so they don't have to struggle the way we have had to, but at the end of the day we know how to take care of ourselves, pay our bills and take care of ourselves. |
Anonymous
You are totally clueless, Princess Diva! LOL! 
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Anonymous
| Right out of school let them live at home. Be annoying as crap and have a curfew. They will be desperate to become independent . |
Anonymous
I love the "my parents don't pay for anything else" line. Um, they bought you a HOUSE. That would not qualify as "a little help" in anybody's world. Utterly clueless. |
Anonymous
Your parents are paying all your expenses. What is your plan for when they die? Or run out of money ? Do you plan on marrying rich?! I do not understand how people can go through life comfortable being so completely dependent on others' largess. |
Anonymous
Walk around the house naked - Failure to Launch.
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Anonymous
Not necessarily an entitled Diva but you are still living like a child. Many 16 yr olds have jobs and their parents pay for almost everything - that is the situation that you are in. It is strange to me that adults are happy to remain dependent and not grow up and take on adult responsibilities. To me that is a failure on your parent part, that they didn't raise you to be an independent adult. Your maturity is pretty much stunted and you are still still not able to manage adult responsibility or live independently. |
Anonymous
+1. Wouldn't say you're a diva since you are working hard. But part of parenting is making kids realize that life requires money and sometimes you have to take certain jobs or forego certain jobs for financial reasons. I'm sure there are many here who would like to be writers living in Paris -- maybe they even majored in English and took steps towards that dream -- but when they realized it wasn't financially feasible, well that's how they became lawyers and doctors and pharma sales reps and insurance underwriters and those millions of other professions that aren't necessarily anyone's dream or true love. |