Grown children--do you help them financially?
![[Post New]](/jforum/templates/default/images/icon_minipost_new.gif){kind=icon}
Anonymous
|
I think there are situations where it is OK to help a little. However, you also hope that your kids don't become dependent on your help.
I've watched my BIL suck my IL's dry because he never figured out how to make it on his own. Then he procreated with an idiot and the children are now the financial responsibility of 60-something grandparents. DO NOT LET THIS HAPPEN TO YOU! |
Anonymous
|
My parents never helped my sister or I with money in any way. Not for college, not for cars, not for housing, not for trips.
If my father invited us out to lunch or dinner he would pay but if my mother invited we expect to split it. |
Anonymous
| A PP here. There is an interesting book called "The Millionaire Next Door." One thing it discusses is how you are actually crippling rather than helping them when you subsidize them. My cousin has a Starbucks card that is linked to her parents CC. When it dips too low it automatically replenishes itself from their CC. She drinks a latte daily, on her parents. |
Anonymous
| Cut the cord OP. Let the kids live in a crappy group house. Don't pay their car insurance either. |
Anonymous
|
My parents are currently letting my mom's cousins adult daugher stay at their house (rent free) for 6 months. This is so she can find a job in the dc area. Her father (mom's cousin) is a millionaire but he's making his DD use food stamps and free clinics for health care. The kid has diabetes so this is no easy task.
I can see the parents being fed up with the DD not progressing in life but seems like the food stamps/free health care is taking advantage of the system. And I'm certain she's not subsisting entirely on that. |
Anonymous
|
I got a lot of help and wasn't fully weaned off the last items (asked to leave the family phone plan, family car insurance, etc) until I was married. Honestly, it feels good to know I'm fully supporting myself now. I had never had to shop around for car insurance before and suddenly had to figure it out in my late 20s - that's kind of weird right? And PP is right that your friends definitely can tell when mom & dad are still footing some of the bills. It's embarrassing but I just didn't know how to go about getting my own plan and didn't learn until I had to.
I'm a fan of pushing for full independence upon college graduation, with potentially some help for grad school if we're able. I'm actually aiming to give less financial help to my kids when they're grown than my parents did - I'm just now figuring out how to manage things for myself compared to my friends who had to start paying some of their smaller bills in college who seem to have a better understanding of how to budget and invest now than I do. |
Anonymous
Who cares if he is a millionaire? Did he pay (or at least help with college)? If so, I think he is doing the right thing. Your parents are enabling her. |
Anonymous
I don't think a latte a day is really supporting her. Some people are a bit too crazy about cutting-off the kids. FWIW - DH and I completely support ourselves, but my parents gave me a credit card to buy gifts every couple of months for our kids. We got to the toy store and buy presents from grandma and grandpa. It's easier than my parents buying and shipping, and the kids get what they want. They call my parents after the shopping trip to thank them. Sometimes parents just want to do nice things for their kids because they love them. Responsible adult children don't use this as a crutch. |
Anonymous
Well, in her case the latte is a symptom of a much larger problem. Trust me. |
Anonymous
Well it was her father that convinced my parents to let her stay there. |
Anonymous
| My ILs are subsidizing my forty-something SIL to be a SAHM. Well, my mother in law does it. About once a year, my FIL figures out that it's going on, blows a gasket, can't win the argument, and then tries to give us a check to even things out. We never used to take it, now we tell him just to dump it in the 529 they have for our kid. |
Anonymous
|
I always think that if a young adult is living at home with parents or other relative, very strict parameters need to be set. Timelines, financial responsibilities, etc - it should be written down somewhere, agreed to by both parties.
In the case of my BIL (mentioned above), he came crying poverty to my IL's because of medical bills or something. However, he has absolutely no budget that he follows. My husband and I went out with him and his baby momma one night while we were visiting over a holiday, and they dropped over $100 on a bar tab. People living at home with their kids have NO BUSINESS spending that much at a bar. None. My IL's should have forced them to live on a budget of some sort and had them report on how their debt repayment and what not were going. But, no...they were just taking their word for it. 5 years later... Seriously, I have no problem with people helping their adult kids a little. But the kids need to be working their asses off to get themselves on their feet and have a little pride that you can do this on your own and not mooch off mommy and daddy forever. |
Anonymous
My BFF had this, too. She is 34 and just bought her first car - all others were given to her. Her parents subsidize her older sister, too. Her MIL pays for the cleaner and takes care of the lawn. |
Anonymous
|
One thing I do think parents who can afford should do is pay for health insurance.
For the people who said they moved here on their own....student loan expenses and rents have skyrocketed. I the 90s, you could easily rent a room in a group house or apartment for 400 or 500 a month. Now rooms in group houses in dc range from 1200 to 1700. Salaries have stagnated. |
Anonymous
If the person is on the "open market"/unemployed, sure. If a fairly reasonable employer-sponsored plan is available, then I don't see why the "kid" shouldn't pay it out of their paycheck like everyone else does. We all have to make do with our earnings, and provide the necessities for ourselves. |