Reply to Grown children--do you help them financially?

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[quote=Anonymous]I think you are crippling your kids by helping them too much.  DH and I got married at 24 and were on our own (we do get the occasional Costco trip for trash bags, toilet paper and a box of diapers when parents who live on the other coast visit). We paid for DHs gradschool on our own, bought our house without a penny of help and yes while we do have debt we've done it on our own.  It hasn't been easy but you don't see us eating at expensive restaurants, buying the latest gadgets or taking vacations anywhere other than grandparents homes.

Dhs siblings, not so much- one still lives in the basement and will *someday* graduate from college- we're at year 9 for a bachelors and have at least 2 to 3 years to go.  Her boyfriend moved in as well, so it's a great white trash story.  Other BIL lives in grandma's house, had it entirely fixed up, doesn't even want to pay taxes or the cable bill.  MIL agrees but FIL "put his foot down" so he had to pay $500 in taxes...they are around $5500.  Has BIL saved any money living there? Not a penny, always complains he's broke with NO LIVING EXPENSES and makes around $60K a year.  He's trashed the house but did buy a $4,000 tv for the wall.  (This is the same child that drained the ENTIRE college fund by going to a loser no name school and taking 6 years to get a degree.)  DH stayed at home for college to save on expenses while his siblings have been subsidized for years.  His siblings are miserable, always looking for a handout and are so crippled it's disgusting.  MIL wakes up to make coffee for SIL and boyfriend, makes all meals.  FIL complains about how expensive it is to have them home but won't do a thing about it.

And, the kids in DC that are on Daddy's Dime are not in the real world.  DH's best friend is on his parents dime- his rent was almost double ours when we rented because we were in the non-granite, aged bathroom that was clean but not updated apt far from a Metro while he's in the top notch, brand new apt steps from the Metro.  Eating out for us is a treat, for him he doesn't buy groceries since it's easier to eat out and spend $50 on a dinner.  He has no idea what it's like to have to figure things out.  At one point he said he needed money and at first didn't like to ask his grandma for funds but he now just asks so much it's no big deal.  If he was cut off tomorrow, he wouldn't know how to survive.  But not to worry, he just got  $300,000 toward his house fund.

I hope to someday help our kids so they don't have to struggle the way we have had to, but at the end of the day we know how to take care of ourselves, pay our bills and take care of ourselves.

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