Rich husband or successful career?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You all assume that if the husband is rich he's an asshole. So between an asshole and a career I choose the career for sure.

Let's just assume that's it's the same great, loving, caring and respectful guy whom you're married now. But rich...

I don't know that anyone assumes every wealthy man is a jerk; I think there's simply a realistic concern for the possibility of the breakdown of a marriage (even if "we don't *believe* in divorce"). These things are borne out by the "relationship" forum of this very website on an almost daily basis -- SAHMs whining about how they are SOL b/c they want a divorce but don't have the finances to afford to live on their own. There's also a bit of pie-in-the-sky wishful thinking about what a wealthy husband "owes" his SAHM when he divorces her. Can he leave her penniless? Sure can. The richer he is, the more likely he has the means to screw you out of what you might think is rightfully yours. Would he? Maybe not. But I wouldn't want to take that chance.

+1

And let's not forget all of the recent threads about SAHMs stashing away money in secret accounts or having allowances. Some days, I hate working. I'll admit it. But I would hate having to ask someone for money far more than I could ever hate working.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How about option three: win the lottery and work for the government PT in a kick back job?

Who the heck wants to work for the government if you don't need the benefits??

The job is so you have something to do and don't end up wasting your winnings or killing yourself with your winnings (drugs, etc). And where else can you work that is hard to get fired from?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I love how all the working moms profess a great love of their jobs (hear them roar!). Yet in real life every working mom I know is a haggard mess, waking up early, commuting and spending all day dealing with office BS instead of remaining connected with family/kids. These are the same women who are medicating (pills, alcohol, etc.) and who rarely see their husband and kids. In the real world, often these are the folks who wind up divorced. And, divorce for a working woman ain't a cake-walk. Let's at least be real here ladies. Don't worry, the PC police aren't watching.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I actually faced this decision and chose the rich husband, then mommy-tracked.

If I could do it all over again I would take the career. It wasn't until I mommy-tracked that my husband became controlling and lazy in the household. When we were earning the same he was very helpful and egalitarian.

This would be my biggest fear. I have friends who are like this. She is brilliant, far more brilliant than her husband. But he did really well with a career in IT and his earning power skyrocketed. She mommy-tracked.

As soon as she had kids and became a full-time SAHM, he started treating her differently. And that's been how it is for the last 8 years. At this point, her confidence is so low that even once her youngest (a baby) is in school, I don't see her pursuing much. It's almost kind of sad to see what has happened to her. And it couldn't have been predicted. He didn't start out like that. He wasn't that kind of guy before the marriage. But over time, it evolved that way.

While I think it's great to be able to stay home with your kids when they are young and it is great for families who can afford to do that, I don't know that I would take that path, even if it were available to me, because I would fear what it would do to me and to my relationship with my partner over the long run.

Not saying that happens in all marriages and to all SAHMs. I've seen plenty who seem happy and appreciated by their husbands. But I think they just lucked out. Even seemingly awesome guys can become dismissive of their wives' contributions and perhaps even resentful when they become the sole financial provider. I think there's also the risk that they lose respect for their wives or come to see them as a dependent instead of a partner.

[Anonymous]

you know what I like? I like my moderately-paid but comfortable career, and my husband's moderately-paid but comfortable career, which gives both of us financial security, intellectual satisfaction, and enough time to spend with our family.

I don't need to be mega rich, and I don't need to work so hard that I have no time to spend with the people I love.

[Anonymous]

career hands down. I find it so fulfilling!

[Anonymous]

Rich husband, as long as I have a kick-ass prenup that gives me tons of cash in the event of divorce.

I am not interested in having a high-powered career. At the end of the day, most of what we do means jack-shit. I've always been more interested in family/leisure time. Sadly, if I don't work, we don't eat...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It makes for a better marriage to have a high earner and the other parent do most everything else. Most of the women that complain on this forum are resentful because things they work+do everything.

A better marriage for whom?

[Anonymous]

I married a rich guy and he left me with the kids and plenty of money. I still work because as it turns out, it isn't all that fun to be home alone all the time with two kids, even when you have plenty of help.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not going to lie - rich husband. Never had ambition. Went to college because it's what you are supposed to do. Work because I can't have mony otherwise.

This, exactly.

You are lazy. We get it.

So why is this question even being asked then??? It's either lazy or not?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not going to lie - rich husband. Never had ambition. Went to college because it's what you are supposed to do. Work because I can't have mony otherwise.

This, exactly.

You are lazy. We get it.

So why is this question even being asked then??? It's either lazy or not?

I agreed. I'm one of the ones who said "successful career," but even I wouldn't call someone who picked rich husband "lazy." I mean, this is wishful thinking BS?

I wish I'd win the lottery. I'm not lazy. But I also know I'm not going to win the lottery.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In theory---I'd take the very, rich husband.

In reality--DH makes a very HHI (think $400k) and I kept my day job. I WAH and it is flexible. My parents drilled into my siblings and I to always keeps some form of income.

I think I want a similar set up . I have a very flexible job but very low income. I am planning on making more money/investing more time into career when DC gets older, but If DH made more money I'd keep my current job.

it's the perfect mix. Though I do make $145k/yr which makes it even more difficult to walk away from a job with that much inherent flexibility and the ability to see the kids after school. If it was a pittance it might have been easier to quit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Rich husband. I'd get massages, play tennis & swim while kids are at school. Heaven

A rich husband who loves me and cannot imagine life without me, dependable, reliable, with whom I would feel secure both emotionally and financially. In addition to what PP said, I would also volunteer for causes that I care about or do part time work with NGOs. Or if my husband is fabulously rich, I would become involved in charity donations, so would contribute to donating to causes I care about.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I actually faced this decision and chose the rich husband, then mommy-tracked.

If I could do it all over again I would take the career. It wasn't until I mommy-tracked that my husband became controlling and lazy in the household. When we were earning the same he was very helpful and egalitarian.

This would be my biggest fear. I have friends who are like this. She is brilliant, far more brilliant than her husband. But he did really well with a career in IT and his earning power skyrocketed. She mommy-tracked.

As soon as she had kids and became a full-time SAHM, he started treating her differently. And that's been how it is for the last 8 years. At this point, her confidence is so low that even once her youngest (a baby) is in school, I don't see her pursuing much. It's almost kind of sad to see what has happened to her. And it couldn't have been predicted. He didn't start out like that. He wasn't that kind of guy before the marriage. But over time, it evolved that way.

While I think it's great to be able to stay home with your kids when they are young and it is great for families who can afford to do that, I don't know that I would take that path, even if it were available to me, because I would fear what it would do to me and to my relationship with my partner over the long run.

Not saying that happens in all marriages and to all SAHMs. I've seen plenty who seem happy and appreciated by their husbands. But I think they just lucked out. Even seemingly awesome guys can become dismissive of their wives' contributions and perhaps even resentful when they become the sole financial provider. I think there's also the risk that they lose respect for their wives or come to see them as a dependent instead of a partner.

Someone like that would be dismissive of his wife even if she works because of the difference in income that they make - if he makes considerably more than her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Rich husband. I hate working.

+1. So far, so good. Fortunately, I'd be just as in love with him if we were dirt poor.