Starting to Think My DW is Unemployable

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There are always two sides to any story and the storyteller rarely presents him or herself in poor light.

Do you offer this same critique and skepticism when it is a woman telling her story?

Hello? Have you seen the thread where the woman declared that her DH was boring and she was getting a divorce? People trashed her incessantly.

Some people challenged her - many others supported her.

I supported the other OP. No one should be forced to stay in an unhappy marriage. This is the year 2013, not 1953. I also thought that many posters were bashing her because they hold up marriage to be some holy grail that can not be questioned, ever. I hate that sort of rigid thinking, and I always celebrate women who are brave enough to dream big and actually follow through on it - especially in Washington, DC.

But I think that this OP here sounds a little sketchy - esp. the fact that he's actually married to a criminal and then mentioned it later like it's an afterthought. And though I know it's now DCUM (and dads), this is a very strange place to come to bash a wife for not working after she spent four years in Asia with him.

Hypocrite.

[Anonymous]

The "crime" OP's wife committed is also very weird- trespass and resist to arrest. How does a SAHM commit trespass? WTH is up with that?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There are always two sides to any story and the storyteller rarely presents him or herself in poor light.

Do you offer this same critique and skepticism when it is a woman telling her story?

It depends on the story. You act like it's all the same when every single story is different. If a woman came on here and said that her husband couldn't find a job after becoming unemployed for the sake of her career, I would absolutely say that you need to cut him some slack. That's not a gender issue, it's a relationship issue. The fact that you seem to find gender in everything - because you post this same reply in any thread started by a guy - makes you very small minded. You also act like women aren't ripped to shreds here on a daily basis.

[Anonymous]

How old is your DD? Maybe she is being passive-aggressive because she wants to be home with your DD, rather than working. She also sounds depressed. You should suggest counseling for both, but at least for her to rule out depression or deal with it of it is. Therapy may also help her figure our what the delay is, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The "crime" OP's wife committed is also very weird- trespass and resist to arrest. How does a SAHM commit trespass? WTH is up with that?

I'd imagine a SAHM would trespass in the same manner as any other woman. This crime might have occurred at some other time, too ... when she was in Asia, before they went over ...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There are always two sides to any story and the storyteller rarely presents him or herself in poor light.

Do you offer this same critique and skepticism when it is a woman telling her story?

It depends on the story. You act like it's all the same when every single story is different. If a woman came on here and said that her husband couldn't find a job after becoming unemployed for the sake of her career, I would absolutely say that you need to cut him some slack. That's not a gender issue, it's a relationship issue. The fact that you seem to find gender in everything - because you post this same reply in any thread started by a guy - makes you very small minded. You also act like women aren't ripped to shreds here on a daily basis.

I tend to agree with you, but five years is a long time to not even be able to find part-time employment in any field. Her kids are in school, so this isn't an issue of not being able to find employment that covers child care. She has two degrees, so she can tutor for the SATs or offer private language lessons. I won't knock someone for having trouble launching into a well-paying full time job, but to not be able to find anything to do, paid or voluntary, for five years is a problem that the OP needs to address with his wife. She needs to get into counseling and see a career coach right away because she is not taking the right steps to get herself out of this situation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There are always two sides to any story and the storyteller rarely presents him or herself in poor light.

Do you offer this same critique and skepticism when it is a woman telling her story?

It depends on the story. You act like it's all the same when every single story is different. If a woman came on here and said that her husband couldn't find a job after becoming unemployed for the sake of her career, I would absolutely say that you need to cut him some slack. That's not a gender issue, it's a relationship issue. The fact that you seem to find gender in everything - because you post this same reply in any thread started by a guy - makes you very small minded. You also act like women aren't ripped to shreds here on a daily basis.

I tend to agree with you, but five years is a long time to not even be able to find part-time employment in any field. Her kids are in school, so this isn't an issue of not being able to find employment that covers child care. She has two degrees, so she can tutor for the SATs or offer private language lessons. I won't knock someone for having trouble launching into a well-paying full time job, but to not be able to find anything to do, paid or voluntary, for five years is a problem that the OP needs to address with his wife. She needs to get into counseling and see a career coach right away because she is not taking the right steps to get herself out of this situation.

I'm the PP and I agree with you too. I was in utter panic mode after 3 months and finally landed something after 6 months one time when my husband and I moved. I was literally freaking out and bored and unhappy. So the issue is likely that she isn't freaking out or bored or unhappy, OR she's simply given up and resigned herself to not being able to find anything. If it's the latter, nagging her about it won't help.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There are always two sides to any story and the storyteller rarely presents him or herself in poor light.

Do you offer this same critique and skepticism when it is a woman telling her story?

Hello? Have you seen the thread where the woman declared that her DH was boring and she was getting a divorce? People trashed her incessantly.

Some people challenged her - many others supported her.

I supported the other OP. No one should be forced to stay in an unhappy marriage. This is the year 2013, not 1953. I also thought that many posters were bashing her because they hold up marriage to be some holy grail that can not be questioned, ever. I hate that sort of rigid thinking, and I always celebrate women who are brave enough to dream big and actually follow through on it - especially in Washington, DC.

But I think that this OP here sounds a little sketchy - esp. the fact that he's actually married to a criminal and then mentioned it later like it's an afterthought. And though I know it's now DCUM (and dads), this is a very strange place to come to bash a wife for not working after she spent four years in Asia with him.

Hypocrite.

Not at all. I support the other OP's divorce. And frankly, I would support this guy's divorce too. But instead, he's whining and looking for sympathy. If he came here and said he was divorcing her b/c she's a criminal, I would think that made sense.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There are always two sides to any story and the storyteller rarely presents him or herself in poor light.

Do you offer this same critique and skepticism when it is a woman telling her story?

Hello? Have you seen the thread where the woman declared that her DH was boring and she was getting a divorce? People trashed her incessantly.

Some people challenged her - many others supported her.

I supported the other OP. No one should be forced to stay in an unhappy marriage. This is the year 2013, not 1953. I also thought that many posters were bashing her because they hold up marriage to be some holy grail that can not be questioned, ever. I hate that sort of rigid thinking, and I always celebrate women who are brave enough to dream big and actually follow through on it - especially in Washington, DC.

But I think that this OP here sounds a little sketchy - esp. the fact that he's actually married to a criminal and then mentioned it later like it's an afterthought. And though I know it's now DCUM (and dads), this is a very strange place to come to bash a wife for not working after she spent four years in Asia with him.

Fine as long as you would equally support and celebrate a man who left his wife because he found her boring, and would see him as being brave and willing to dream big and follow through. If that is how you view men and women who divorce because they have gotten bored then that is your prerogative.

Yes, I would support that too. Everyone has the right to leave an unhappy marriage.

Now that women are earning more, they are initiating divorce more and more often. And like the OP, like it or not, their top reward is "having their own self-identity."

http://www.aarp.org/relationships/love-sex/info-2004/divorce.html

"The majority of midlife divorces are initiated by women. Don't believe it? In the AARP survey, 66 percent of women reported that they asked for the divorce, compared with 41 percent of men. And men more often than women were caught off-guard by their divorce.."

"The perceived benefits of divorce differ by gender. Women were far more likely than men to say that having their own self-identity was a top reward....

.......43 percent of women said they emerged from the split against remarriage.

Only 33 percent of men said they wouldn't remarry."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There are always two sides to any story and the storyteller rarely presents him or herself in poor light.

Do you offer this same critique and skepticism when it is a woman telling her story?

Hello? Have you seen the thread where the woman declared that her DH was boring and she was getting a divorce? People trashed her incessantly.

Some people challenged her - many others supported her.

I supported the other OP. No one should be forced to stay in an unhappy marriage. This is the year 2013, not 1953. I also thought that many posters were bashing her because they hold up marriage to be some holy grail that can not be questioned, ever. I hate that sort of rigid thinking, and I always celebrate women who are brave enough to dream big and actually follow through on it - especially in Washington, DC.

But I think that this OP here sounds a little sketchy - esp. the fact that he's actually married to a criminal and then mentioned it later like it's an afterthought. And though I know it's now DCUM (and dads), this is a very strange place to come to bash a wife for not working after she spent four years in Asia with him.

Hypocrite.

Not at all. I support the other OP's divorce. And frankly, I would support this guy's divorce too. But instead, he's whining and looking for sympathy. If he came here and said he was divorcing her b/c she's a criminal, I would think that made sense.

You're all over the place. The OP clearly indicates that as a result of the way their relationship has deteriorated, he wants out. Based on your belief that no one should stay in an unhappy marriage, I'd think you'd support the OP.

[Anonymous]

OP, I would just move on with your life. There is no point in being in a relationship where your spouse blames you for a decision that was made jointly. Let her just stew in her own anger and bitterness.

There are more fish in the ocean and you may find a partner who is more appreciative of your efforts and not blaming you for everything.

[Anonymous]

I also am insanely curious about the trespass crime?

[Anonymous]

It was probably a political protest.

[Anonymous]

Dump her and move on. She is not worth the aggravation.

[Anonymous]

OP can you tell us about the crime?