Special Needs Child Bully on Soccer Team

[Anonymous]

We have not confirmed the kid has special need. He is just a kid. Tell the coach he is hitting your kid.

Dang! After all this he better not have only OP's child once, and I hope we don't find out OP angel child was calling him names and deserved a sock in the stomach.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Over and over again everyone says talk to the coach. Why is that so difficult to understand?

The focus on semantics isn't intense. It is highly insulting to refer to our children as abnormal and i really don't think its so difficult to try to avoid that once its been pointed out to you. And we don't need you to point out that we have much more important things to worry about than language. of course we do. But we also have to worry about how our children are going to make it in the world, including how they are perceived. Language matters.

The coach is just a volunteer. He is not an expert in SN issues. He may not even be an expert in soccer. He is just trying to let the team play. When one child disrupts the whole game by punching and other out of bounds activities that are beyond his control there is little that he/she can do. The PP really took the ball and ran with it on semantics. Does not change that the whole activity becomes centered around the very special child and his very special needs --whatever you want to call him or his parents. While some parents think that is awesome! others would like to play a sport, without having their child be a punching bag.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Over and over again everyone says talk to the coach. Why is that so difficult to understand?

The focus on semantics isn't intense. It is highly insulting to refer to our children as abnormal and i really don't think its so difficult to try to avoid that once its been pointed out to you. And we don't need you to point out that we have much more important things to worry about than language. of course we do. But we also have to worry about how our children are going to make it in the world, including how they are perceived. Language matters.

The coach is just a volunteer. He is not an expert in SN issues. He may not even be an expert in soccer. He is just trying to let the team play. When one child disrupts the whole game by punching and other out of bounds activities that are beyond his control there is little that he/she can do. The PP really took the ball and ran with it on semantics. Does not change that the whole activity becomes centered around the very special child and his very special needs --whatever you want to call him or his parents. While some parents think that is awesome! others would like to play a sport, without having their child be a punching bag.

See, now I think people are just picking fights. Literally everyone has said talk to the coach. Special needs are a red herring here. OP has not talked to the coach, OP doesn't know if this child really does have a diagnosis. None of you have any idea whether the coach is a volunteer or whether he can handle this. I don't understand why you are making all these excuses for OP to avoid doing the obvious thing. This isn't difficult, people. And it isn't necessary to bash kids with SN. And when you sarcastically use terms like "very special," yes, you are bashing our children. And if you had taken the time to read the posts from parents of kids with SNB who were much more tolerant of your bashing than I am, you will see over and over again that none of us think this is awesome. Not a one.

As for the idea that you would suggest that parents have their child evaluated. I really hope you were joking.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Over and over again everyone says talk to the coach. Why is that so difficult to understand?

The focus on semantics isn't intense. It is highly insulting to refer to our children as abnormal and i really don't think its so difficult to try to avoid that once its been pointed out to you. And we don't need you to point out that we have much more important things to worry about than language. of course we do. But we also have to worry about how our children are going to make it in the world, including how they are perceived. Language matters.

The coach is just a volunteer. He is not an expert in SN issues. He may not even be an expert in soccer. He is just trying to let the team play. When one child disrupts the whole game by punching and other out of bounds activities that are beyond his control there is little that he/she can do. The PP really took the ball and ran with it on semantics. Does not change that the whole activity becomes centered around the very special child and his very special needs --whatever you want to call him or his parents. While some parents think that is awesome! others would like to play a sport, without having their child be a punching bag.

See, now I think people are just picking fights. Literally everyone has said talk to the coach. Special needs are a red herring here. OP has not talked to the coach, OP doesn't know if this child really does have a diagnosis. None of you have any idea whether the coach is a volunteer or whether he can handle this. I don't understand why you are making all these excuses for OP to avoid doing the obvious thing. This isn't difficult, people. And it isn't necessary to bash kids with SN. And when you sarcastically use terms like "very special," yes, you are bashing our children. And if you had taken the time to read the posts from parents of kids with SNB who were much more tolerant of your bashing than I am, you will see over and over again that none of us think this is awesome. Not a one.

As for the idea that you would suggest that parents have their child evaluated. I really hope you were joking.

+1

And where in this scenario did you come up with the notion that the entire activity is now centered around the aggressive child and his needs?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Over and over again everyone says talk to the coach. Why is that so difficult to understand?

The focus on semantics isn't intense. It is highly insulting to refer to our children as abnormal and i really don't think its so difficult to try to avoid that once its been pointed out to you. And we don't need you to point out that we have much more important things to worry about than language. of course we do. But we also have to worry about how our children are going to make it in the world, including how they are perceived. Language matters.

The coach is just a volunteer. He is not an expert in SN issues. He may not even be an expert in soccer. He is just trying to let the team play. When one child disrupts the whole game by punching and other out of bounds activities that are beyond his control there is little that he/she can do. The PP really took the ball and ran with it on semantics. Does not change that the whole activity becomes centered around the very special child and his very special needs --whatever you want to call him or his parents. While some parents think that is awesome! others would like to play a sport, without having their child be a punching bag.

See, now I think people are just picking fights. Literally everyone has said talk to the coach. Special needs are a red herring here. OP has not talked to the coach, OP doesn't know if this child really does have a diagnosis. None of you have any idea whether the coach is a volunteer or whether he can handle this. I don't understand why you are making all these excuses for OP to avoid doing the obvious thing. This isn't difficult, people. And it isn't necessary to bash kids with SN. And when you sarcastically use terms like "very special," yes, you are bashing our children. And if you had taken the time to read the posts from parents of kids with SNB who were much more tolerant of your bashing than I am, you will see over and over again that none of us think this is awesome. Not a one.

As for the idea that you would suggest that parents have their child evaluated. I really hope you were joking.

+1

And where in this scenario did you come up with the notion that the entire activity is now centered around the aggressive child and his needs?

+2

[Anonymous]

As for the idea that you would suggest that parents have their child evaluated. I really hope you were joking.

Yes. I am being sarcastic.

Though I would not put it past most of these women that the thought has not crossed their mind. They believe in their infinite wisdom that they can identify which kids are ADHD and which are not and if parents don't think their child is ADHD they won't believe them until the child is tested.

[Anonymous]

I'm not sure it is fair to characterize the child as a "bully." Yes, it is very inappropriate for him to be harming your child, and you need to do something to address it, but it is possible that this child cannot control his behavior. That doesn't comport with my understanding of what a "bully" is.

[Anonymous]

Agree. SN + bully = sensationalized title.

[Anonymous]

OP here. For those of you are saying, talk to the coach, I did, FIVE PAGES ago. I probably waited longer than I should have, but because the child's behavior (blatantly pushing my son and other kids) was being ignored, I thought the coach was turning a blind eye. Because of this, I wanted to ask your opinions before I took any further steps. Anyway, thanks to those who posted educated and helpful responses. SO, HERE'S WHAT HAPPENED AT YESTERDAY'S PRACTICE.

I made conversation with the mother, just regular chit chat, the idea being to build rapport so we could have a reasonable conversation if it happened again. Meanwhile, her child was running off the field, not kicking the ball when it was right at his feet, not listening, making unusual facial and bodily expressions and growling. My husband and I made a point to cheer him on, "Go John Doe, go....good try John Doe..." We were all routing him on, even my son gave him a few chances to kick the ball. The mom said to me, "That was nice of your son." And then, WHAM, her son pushed my son and hit him. This time, our son did just as we instructed. He pushed the boy who is twice his size back. The coach jumped in and restrained the "maybe" SN boy. And here is where I become perplexed. The mom says to her son in an innocent and oblivious voice, "Oh, what are you doing?" and then looks at me and says, "He never does that," as if this is the first time she's seen him behave this way. WTF! She didn't pull him off and talk to him, didn't acknowledge it to me...WOW! So, is he SN or not? I don't know, but apparently the mom doesn't think so. Is that called DENIAL!

[Anonymous]

And there you have it - the unqualified diagnosis of a kid she has maybe seen 8 times in her whole life.

OP - do everybody a favor and quit the team.

[Anonymous]

Excuse me, but why should OP quit the team? Her son is not a bully. SN or not, no one has the right to push my kid. And if you, a parent, do not restrain your child, after repeated requests, I will file a complaint with the school/pee-wee league, etc.

- signed, mom of a medically diagnosed ADHD child

[Anonymous]

OP -- i had a parent email once and ask me to ask my (sn) kid to stop hitting his (nt) son. It wasnt rude or antaganostic, it waas just -- hi my son has said xx is hitting him and its upsetting him and im wondering if you can do anything to stop it. I apologized and talked to my son. In an ideal world wyou wouldnt have to do this but if the coach isnt handling it perhaps sending an email to the mom saying something to that effect?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Excuse me, but why should OP quit the team? Her son is not a bully. SN or not, no one has the right to push my kid. And if you, a parent, do not restrain your child, after repeated requests, I will file a complaint with the school/pee-wee league, etc.

- signed, mom of a medically diagnosed ADHD child

Because she is a bitch. She keeps presenting the same question over and over again, ruder each time. She just want us to say she is right.

- signed mom of a medically diagnosed ADHD child who has never hit anybody and a past coach of 8 yo that ithnks her accounts of the situation are one sided and biased. She is a drama Quinn, and I would rather deal with a whole team of ADHD kids if I never had to deal with the mothers. I know how 8 yo act and mostly they are physical, can't pay attention, don't try, talk while you are talking, dont follow instructions, play grab ass during practice, etc

[Anonymous]

Quinn = queen

You can figure out all the other spelling mistakes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Dear Mother of Special Needs Child (sorry, don't know abbreviations yet),

Please share your "constructive thoughts." There is a special needs boy on my 7 year old son's soccer team who, for no reason at all, will push or hit my son. He's done it to other kids too. He's a lot bigger, looks more like an average 10 year old. The first time this happened, I told the mom and she handled it as best as she could by apologizing and introducing our boys, an attempt for them to become friends, I guess. It happened again and again and I'm now handling it by telling my son to defend himself, that just because this other child has an issue, doesnt mean he needs to be his punching bag. It seems that both parents are aware and loving parents and want their son to be integrated with everyday normal stuff. The boy doesn't really play soccer, he mostly stands around, talks or when his impulse strikes, he hits someone. Its a tough situation. What would you do if the situation was reversed?

I've been avoiding opening this thread since it first appeared last week because I was afraid that it would be so horribly upsetting. I have not read any replies, just the OPs question.

OP - It is the coaches responsibility, and the parents, to remove him from the team if he is truly doing what you say he's doing. As a mom with an impulsive child whom I refuse to call special needs, if he were behaving this way I would feel that I had no choice. the other children should not have to be subjected to purposeful pushing. I would also feel that my son was obviously not enjoying himself based on his behavior, so I would move on and find a sport he does like. something that is not team oriented like swimming, golf, martial arts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. For those of you are saying, talk to the coach, I did, FIVE PAGES ago. I probably waited longer than I should have, but because the child's behavior (blatantly pushing my son and other kids) was being ignored, I thought the coach was turning a blind eye. Because of this, I wanted to ask your opinions before I took any further steps. Anyway, thanks to those who posted educated and helpful responses. SO, HERE'S WHAT HAPPENED AT YESTERDAY'S PRACTICE.

I made conversation with the mother, just regular chit chat, the idea being to build rapport so we could have a reasonable conversation if it happened again. Meanwhile, her child was running off the field, not kicking the ball when it was right at his feet, not listening, making unusual facial and bodily expressions and growling. My husband and I made a point to cheer him on, "Go John Doe, go....good try John Doe..." We were all routing him on, even my son gave him a few chances to kick the ball. The mom said to me, "That was nice of your son." And then, WHAM, her son pushed my son and hit him. This time, our son did just as we instructed. He pushed the boy who is twice his size back. The coach jumped in and restrained the "maybe" SN boy. And here is where I become perplexed. The mom says to her son in an innocent and oblivious voice, "Oh, what are you doing?" and then looks at me and says, "He never does that," as if this is the first time she's seen him behave this way. WTF! She didn't pull him off and talk to him, didn't acknowledge it to me...WOW! So, is he SN or not? I don't know, but apparently the mom doesn't think so. Is that called DENIAL!

With parenting like that, you have no way of knowing whether the kid has special needs or just is badly behaved, hates soccer, and is acting out as a result. Maybe you should move this to the general parenting board...