Special Needs Child Bully on Soccer Team

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP: many of us have been in this position. The coach cannot do much because he is not a professional, he is just a volunteer. If he tries to do something, he will be labelled as not understanding the special needs of the SNs kid. So he stays out of it. The rest of the team just plays around him the best they can and the SN mother goes home "happy" because her SN had the "experience" Professionals in SN know that a child can be SN and a real brat at the same time, and they know what to do about it. It is a very awkward situation. To the PP above: this is how the normal parents feel when the whole activity is disrupted.

"Normal"? I'm certainly a normal parent. My DS has a disability, but he's "normal."

What do you think parents of kids with SN are? Freaks?

Please go away. We have real challenges that you can't even imagine. We are here to support each other, not to be trashed by you.

[Anonymous]

To the PP above: this is how the normal parents feel when the whole activity is disrupted.

^ Whoever wrote this is not a "normal" person. S/he seems to have an extreme lack of empathy to casually put words together like this.

[Anonymous]

Once the post is in the general section, you are out of SN posting. It is a real world view. Do you really want your SN child to be viewed as the problem?

[Anonymous]

huh? NSWYM (not sure what you mean).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Once the post is in the general section, you are out of SN posting. It is a real world view. Do you really want your SN child to be viewed as the problem?

But... this is the special needs section. Happy to clarify that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Once the post is in the general section, you are out of SN posting. It is a real world view. Do you really want your SN child to be viewed as the problem?

But... this is the special needs section. Happy to clarify that.

It's showing up on recent topics. Probably not everyone who is clicking on it is noticing that it's from the SN forum.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, it's strange how these threads become a deluge of anecdotes about how "I once met a Special Needs kid who...[insert bad behavior or random gripe]."

Are we supposed to apologize or care that your child had a single bad encounter with a child you feel was Special Needs?

No, but removing that chip from your shoulder and considering how others perceive this behavior rather than displaying the dismissiveness above would be a good start.

Maybe you need to remove the chip from your should and consider the fact that your perception is WRONG.

NP here.
Which perception might that be? Can't entertain the thought that someone might have had the actual experience they mention?

[Anonymous]

Dear 18:58. Excellent thought. Thanks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, it's strange how these threads become a deluge of anecdotes about how "I once met a Special Needs kid who...[insert bad behavior or random gripe]."

Are we supposed to apologize or care that your child had a single bad encounter with a child you feel was Special Needs?

No, but removing that chip from your shoulder and considering how others perceive this behavior rather than displaying the dismissiveness above would be a good start.

Because we're all interchangable? All of us with Special Needs kids are responsible for the behavior of all other Special Needs kids? Give me a break!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, it's strange how these threads become a deluge of anecdotes about how "I once met a Special Needs kid who...[insert bad behavior or random gripe]."

Are we supposed to apologize or care that your child had a single bad encounter with a child you feel was Special Needs?

No, but removing that chip from your shoulder and considering how others perceive this behavior rather than displaying the dismissiveness above would be a good start.

I've seen your posts on other threads and you seem to enjoy telling SN moms that they have a chip on their shoulder. Says more about you, really.

Um, no. And I have no idea what you're talking about.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, it's strange how these threads become a deluge of anecdotes about how "I once met a Special Needs kid who...[insert bad behavior or random gripe]."

Are we supposed to apologize or care that your child had a single bad encounter with a child you feel was Special Needs?

No, but removing that chip from your shoulder and considering how others perceive this behavior rather than displaying the dismissiveness above would be a good start.

It is interesting that when someone hears something they do not agree with they think it is only one person.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, it's strange how these threads become a deluge of anecdotes about how "I once met a Special Needs kid who...[insert bad behavior or random gripe]."

Are we supposed to apologize or care that your child had a single bad encounter with a child you feel was Special Needs?

No, but removing that chip from your shoulder and considering how others perceive this behavior rather than displaying the dismissiveness above would be a good start.

Maybe you need to remove the chip from your should and consider the fact that your perception is WRONG.

NP here.
Which perception might that be? Can't entertain the thought that someone might have had the actual experience they mention?

Your perception is that if a kid is a brat they must be SN. That is not correct simply because you had 1 bad experience. Your perception is not reality. They have 1 experience that does not make them an expert.

[Anonymous]

I have a SN kid whose disability makes him act erratically in social situations and this sometimes results in hitting. He has never "bullied" anyone, because when I hear the word "bullying" I think of someone deliberately and repeatedly targeting a specific kid. DS has hit kids and since we know that this is a possibility, we do many things to mitigate it/reduce the chances of it happening. He does therapy, we avoid most extracurricular activities (certainly anything in a group), we speak with him about it regularly, we watch him like a hawk when he is in a group (birthday party or community event), he is on medication, etc. etc.

DS really can't "help" it, but that doesn't mean we let it happened. He is extremely upset when something does happen (which thankfully is quite rare) and will often then avoid anything remotely involving other kids for quite some time, other than school. That said, while I know that it is not at all intentional on DS's fault, I do not put him in a position where he could be reliably counted on to be physical with other kids. The soccer kid is being put in that position and it's not fair to anyone. You hit once on the first day, OK, maybe your nerves got the better of you. I apologize and explain to the parent, you apologize to the parent and child, we try again. 2nd or certainly by the 3rd hit at the latest, we are simply not going to do that activity. We wouldn't even get to that point because I would know that DS couldn't even handle going to a game, let alone being on the team, but if the child really wanted to try, I guess it's worth trying.

So SN is an explanation but not an excuse and certainly is not a free pass to exhibit this kind of behavior. It's incredibly hard and I know DS misses out on a lot because I'm extra cautious to make sure that we don't take chances, but it's what we have to do. He is so incredibly upset when something happens that, even if everyone else somehow didn't mind, he would be devastated.

Oh, and no activity is ever babysitting for DS. Even when we have a babysitter (rare), I have to be 100% available to run home asap. SN is truly 24/7/365 parenting. I have an NT kid too and the differences are astounding.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a SN kid whose disability makes him act erratically in social situations and this sometimes results in hitting. He has never "bullied" anyone, because when I hear the word "bullying" I think of someone deliberately and repeatedly targeting a specific kid. DS has hit kids and since we know that this is a possibility, we do many things to mitigate it/reduce the chances of it happening. He does therapy, we avoid most extracurricular activities (certainly anything in a group), we speak with him about it regularly, we watch him like a hawk when he is in a group (birthday party or community event), he is on medication, etc. etc.

DS really can't "help" it, but that doesn't mean we let it happened. He is extremely upset when something does happen (which thankfully is quite rare) and will often then avoid anything remotely involving other kids for quite some time, other than school. That said, while I know that it is not at all intentional on DS's fault, I do not put him in a position where he could be reliably counted on to be physical with other kids. The soccer kid is being put in that position and it's not fair to anyone. You hit once on the first day, OK, maybe your nerves got the better of you. I apologize and explain to the parent, you apologize to the parent and child, we try again. 2nd or certainly by the 3rd hit at the latest, we are simply not going to do that activity. We wouldn't even get to that point because I would know that DS couldn't even handle going to a game, let alone being on the team, but if the child really wanted to try, I guess it's worth trying.

So SN is an explanation but not an excuse and certainly is not a free pass to exhibit this kind of behavior. It's incredibly hard and I know DS misses out on a lot because I'm extra cautious to make sure that we don't take chances, but it's what we have to do. He is so incredibly upset when something happens that, even if everyone else somehow didn't mind, he would be devastated.

Oh, and no activity is ever babysitting for DS. Even when we have a babysitter (rare), I have to be 100% available to run home asap. SN is truly 24/7/365 parenting. I have an NT kid too and the differences are astounding.

NP here, and a SN mom. This is the most helpful answer I think OP has gotten. I agree with every word. Unfortunately, it seems the parents in this case don't share your mindset. Even as an SN mom myself, I have no idea how I would handle this. Going to the coach is a good start, but that essentially just passes the buck to another adult who eventually will have to tell the kid's parents that either their kid stops the hitting (even if that means they hover over him every second), or he leaves the team.

I feel bad that OP has gotten so trashed here. My own SN child has sometimes hit others so I have been all over him as this PP describes when he was in that phase. But he has also been hurt, seriously, by other SN kids, and the fact that they had SN did not make it acceptable.

[Anonymous]

OP - BTDT. let me know if the said child is on meds and what kind(s), then i might be able to help you out.