Any moms regret quitting their jobs to stay home?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The boredom and drudgery of childcare and housework almost drove me bonkers.

This is me too.

I'll be the voice of dissent. I left my job to sah and have since returned to work. Staying home is HARD. You say you have no time to yourself now. That will only get worse if you sah, at least while the kids are little. I don't regret my time at home but am so much happier back at work, and looking back should have gone back sooner

.

And this. I SAH and couldn't stand it. I loved being with my kids, but the cooking, cleaning, every single day. day in and day out. the grocery shopping, laundry, folding clothes, over and over again. drove me crazy. I thought my job was boring when I was in it, but once staying home for a while, I would have done anything to have my job back.

Consider an extended leave - I envisioned my life would be like it was when I took a week or two off, which was fun and exciting, playing with the kids, etc. But the difference was the repetition of it all. Just consider all the details of everything that has to get done that you may outsource right now, but would fall on your shoulders if you SAH.

Um, you still have to do these things, right? Only in your "off hours". I guess that's assuming you aren't so well of that you can hire a nanny who will do it all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The boredom and drudgery of childcare and housework almost drove me bonkers.

This is me too.

I'll be the voice of dissent. I left my job to sah and have since returned to work. Staying home is HARD. You say you have no time to yourself now. That will only get worse if you sah, at least while the kids are little. I don't regret my time at home but am so much happier back at work, and looking back should have gone back sooner

.

And this. I SAH and couldn't stand it. I loved being with my kids, but the cooking, cleaning, every single day. day in and day out. the grocery shopping, laundry, folding clothes, over and over again. drove me crazy. I thought my job was boring when I was in it, but once staying home for a while, I would have done anything to have my job back.

Consider an extended leave - I envisioned my life would be like it was when I took a week or two off, which was fun and exciting, playing with the kids, etc. But the difference was the repetition of it all. Just consider all the details of everything that has to get done that you may outsource right now, but would fall on your shoulders if you SAH.

Um, you still have to do these things, right? Only in your "off hours". I guess that's assuming you aren't so well of that you can hire a nanny who will do it all.

Not pp, but I think the point is that you spend more time doing those things if you SAH because a) you have more time to do it and less money to hire someone and b) your husband likely wouldn't do as much as he would if you worked outside the home (at least that's how it is in my house - we both work, we split housework, we both take care of the kid, etc)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My child is in upper elementary school and I have never stopped working FT. I know several moms at our school who stopped working when their kids were born. The older the kids, the more regret from the mom. A couple of them clearly definitely thought they could take a long time off and walk back into their prior career at the corresponding level -- like they walked away from their career 10 years ago and expect to walk back in 10 years later at the 10 years later level. There are definitely a couple who didn't like school or work and are happy staying at home forever, but they are few and far between.

Op, this is what you need to hear. Here is a poster offering the view from 10 years down the line.
Most of the other posts are from parents of preschoolers. Sure, it might be great in the short term. I like to hear real life examples like this when I consider this situation.

Except she has never been a SAHM so actually has never experienced anything the OP was talking about. Most WOHMs who have never stayed at home are very anti-SAH so her attitude is right in line. Doesn't say anything about actual real life experiences of SAHMs, as this poster has none.

[Anonymous]

More and more of my customers are working part-time.

Robin's Nest

[Anonymous]

What about finding another job, or even starting a second career? i.e. going back to school or something? I am like you, someone that has considered quitting to spend more time with my kids, but realize that long-term it is probably best to stay dialed-in. I think I would regret it and wonder about my potential.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The boredom and drudgery of childcare and housework almost drove me bonkers.

This is me too.

I'll be the voice of dissent. I left my job to sah and have since returned to work. Staying home is HARD. You say you have no time to yourself now. That will only get worse if you sah, at least while the kids are little. I don't regret my time at home but am so much happier back at work, and looking back should have gone back sooner

.

And this. I SAH and couldn't stand it. I loved being with my kids, but the cooking, cleaning, every single day. day in and day out. the grocery shopping, laundry, folding clothes, over and over again. drove me crazy. I thought my job was boring when I was in it, but once staying home for a while, I would have done anything to have my job back.

Consider an extended leave - I envisioned my life would be like it was when I took a week or two off, which was fun and exciting, playing with the kids, etc. But the difference was the repetition of it all. Just consider all the details of everything that has to get done that you may outsource right now, but would fall on your shoulders if you SAH.

Um, you still have to do these things, right? Only in your "off hours". I guess that's assuming you aren't so well of that you can hire a nanny who will do it all.

Not pp, but I think the point is that you spend more time doing those things if you SAH because a) you have more time to do it and less money to hire someone and b) your husband likely wouldn't do as much as he would if you worked outside the home (at least that's how it is in my house - we both work, we split housework, we both take care of the kid, etc)

I'm the pp you quoted and for my household, it's like this pp stated. With us both working, we split household chores and had a weekly housekeeper come in to do the rest. when I quit, we had to push the housekeeper to do once-a-month for the big stuff and the rest fell on my shoulders. Other things we got rid of - we did peapod and other grocery delivery options, we ate out or ordered in several times a week, had lawn maintenance, and honestly, quite a few things would hardly ever get done - like folding and putting away laundry. Often, we'd wash/dry clothes and they'd go in laundry baskets ready to be folded and put away, but before that would happen, we'd be digging in the piles for our clean clothes. Once I stayed home, I felt obligated to do all that stuff and others we just cut back on because of finances.

Honestly, I was one of those moms that loved spending time and being around my kids, but hated - absolutely hated doing all the housework stuff. And that's what I meant about it being different than vacation. For me, I envisioned being SAH like it was during a vacation, where I just spent the days playing and hanging out with the kids. But when you're home for the long haul, all these other mundane tasks have to get done and in my family they fell on my shoulders and I hated it.

But like others have mentioned, it really depends on you and what works for you and your family - both options have their positives and negatives.

[Anonymous]

Your husband makes 500k and your biggest expense is only the $5000 mortgage. So even if it's harder to get back into the workforce, even if you have to take a paycut, it won't impact your family financially much since your family can already live well below your means currently. So apart from having to take a job that might not have maxed your potential when you left the workforce, the common downsides in terms of getting stuck with jobs with lesser pay, less prestigious jobs doesn't concern your situation. I would say go for the SAH.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your husband makes 500k and your biggest expense is only the $5000 mortgage. So even if it's harder to get back into the workforce, even if you have to take a paycut, it won't impact your family financially much since your family can already live well below your means currently. So apart from having to take a job that might not have maxed your potential when you left the workforce, the common downsides in terms of getting stuck with jobs with lesser pay, less prestigious jobs doesn't concern your situation. I would say go for the SAH.

The "common" downsides also include loss of husband at which point you're unprepared to take care of your kids. It's really surprising to me how many people are willing to rely on others for their financial well-being.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your husband makes 500k and your biggest expense is only the $5000 mortgage. So even if it's harder to get back into the workforce, even if you have to take a paycut, it won't impact your family financially much since your family can already live well below your means currently. So apart from having to take a job that might not have maxed your potential when you left the workforce, the common downsides in terms of getting stuck with jobs with lesser pay, less prestigious jobs doesn't concern your situation. I would say go for the SAH.

The "common" downsides also include loss of husband at which point you're unprepared to take care of your kids. It's really surprising to me how many people are willing to rely on others for their financial well-being.

+1 This happens all. the. time. And so many of the women got blindsided by it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your husband makes 500k and your biggest expense is only the $5000 mortgage. So even if it's harder to get back into the workforce, even if you have to take a paycut, it won't impact your family financially much since your family can already live well below your means currently. So apart from having to take a job that might not have maxed your potential when you left the workforce, the common downsides in terms of getting stuck with jobs with lesser pay, less prestigious jobs doesn't concern your situation. I would say go for the SAH.

The "common" downsides also include loss of husband at which point you're unprepared to take care of your kids. It's really surprising to me how many people are willing to rely on others for their financial well-being.

Most people rely on others for their financial well being you dolt.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your husband makes 500k and your biggest expense is only the $5000 mortgage. So even if it's harder to get back into the workforce, even if you have to take a paycut, it won't impact your family financially much since your family can already live well below your means currently. So apart from having to take a job that might not have maxed your potential when you left the workforce, the common downsides in terms of getting stuck with jobs with lesser pay, less prestigious jobs doesn't concern your situation. I would say go for the SAH.

The "common" downsides also include loss of husband at which point you're unprepared to take care of your kids. It's really surprising to me how many people are willing to rely on others for their financial well-being.

+1 This happens all. the. time. And so many of the women got blindsided by it.

You can also plan for some of these doomsday scenarios, such as through life insurance and/or savings. I couldn't afford to support my child on the non-profit salary I was making before I became a SAHM, does this mean we shouldn't have had a kid since we can *only* afford to support our child with DH's salary? Many in this area can only afford their house, car, childcare with 2 salaries. Does that mean they shouldn't have all those things in case one of them loses a job or dies? This argument is a non-starter for me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your husband makes 500k and your biggest expense is only the $5000 mortgage. So even if it's harder to get back into the workforce, even if you have to take a paycut, it won't impact your family financially much since your family can already live well below your means currently. So apart from having to take a job that might not have maxed your potential when you left the workforce, the common downsides in terms of getting stuck with jobs with lesser pay, less prestigious jobs doesn't concern your situation. I would say go for the SAH.

The "common" downsides also include loss of husband at which point you're unprepared to take care of your kids. It's really surprising to me how many people are willing to rely on others for their financial well-being.

What if your company goes bankrupt? It's really surprising how many people are willing to rely on others for their financial well-being...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your husband makes 500k and your biggest expense is only the $5000 mortgage. So even if it's harder to get back into the workforce, even if you have to take a paycut, it won't impact your family financially much since your family can already live well below your means currently. So apart from having to take a job that might not have maxed your potential when you left the workforce, the common downsides in terms of getting stuck with jobs with lesser pay, less prestigious jobs doesn't concern your situation. I would say go for the SAH.

The "common" downsides also include loss of husband at which point you're unprepared to take care of your kids. It's really surprising to me how many people are willing to rely on others for their financial well-being.

Most people rely on others for their financial well being you dolt.

Do you mean most adults rely on others for their financial well being? If so, why do you think so?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Most women I know who SAH who are happy are motivated by wanting to be with their children as much as possible, not because they aren't crazy about their job. If your primary motivation is escaping a ho-hum job, you may be bitterly disappointed by being a SAHM. Aside from the fact that it's hard work, you will also forgo the kind of interaction with other adults and career challenges a job can offer. Also, it is hard to get back into the workforce once you've been out for a while - even for savvy, educated women. That said, if you want to be a SAHM and really have a pull toward it so that you can be with your kids, go for it. You live once and sounds like your DH makes enough to support you.

I agree with this. I quit to stay home a few years ago but got caught up in a mix of constant worry about finances and intellectual boredom. Some of the boredom could've definitely been warded off had I had extra funds to pay a sitter and have some free time occasionally. So, if my DH made what OP's makes, I'd probably quit again -- especially now that my kids are older. They need me even more now. I'm grateful that my position is somewhat flexible. But if I could quit and outsource the drudgery of staying home, I'd do it in a heartbeat.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your husband makes 500k and your biggest expense is only the $5000 mortgage. So even if it's harder to get back into the workforce, even if you have to take a paycut, it won't impact your family financially much since your family can already live well below your means currently. So apart from having to take a job that might not have maxed your potential when you left the workforce, the common downsides in terms of getting stuck with jobs with lesser pay, less prestigious jobs doesn't concern your situation. I would say go for the SAH.

The "common" downsides also include loss of husband at which point you're unprepared to take care of your kids. It's really surprising to me how many people are willing to rely on others for their financial well-being.

+1 This happens all. the. time. And so many of the women got blindsided by it.

You can also plan for some of these doomsday scenarios, such as through life insurance and/or savings. I couldn't afford to support my child on the non-profit salary I was making before I became a SAHM, does this mean we shouldn't have had a kid since we can *only* afford to support our child with DH's salary? Many in this area can only afford their house, car, childcare with 2 salaries. Does that mean they shouldn't have all those things in case one of them loses a job or dies? This argument is a non-starter for me.

I agree with the immediate PP. I'm sure the OP and her husband have substantial life insurance policies and savings. When life throws you a curve ball, you adapt. This brings to mind a memorable exchange from When Harry Met Sally: H: "when the shit comes down, I'm going to be ready for it and you're not, that's all I'm saying." S:"yeah, and in the meantime you're going to ruin your whole life waiting for it."