Any moms regret quitting their jobs to stay home?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'll be the voice of dissent. I left my job to sah and have since returned to work. Staying home is HARD. You say you have no time to yourself now. That will only get worse if you sah, at least while the kids are little. I don't regret my time at home but am so much happier back at work, and looking back should have gone back sooner.

You might just need a different job. That was the case for me. I know you said there aren't many jobs here in your field, but maybe you could look in related fields.

+1

I actually loved my job, didn't make any money at it (a pittance in the terms you are talking, OP) but I did regret leaving it. I was never able to get back into my field at the level and salary I had had previously and ultimately ended up changing careers.

Although money is clearly not a factor in your case, and wasn't in mine, if you are in a field that doesn't have a lot of movement or openings you might think more carefully about leaving it behind in case you did want to get back in to it, although you don't sound blown away by your career path and have the means to make a change and pursue something else, I suppose.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your husband makes 500k and your biggest expense is only the $5000 mortgage. So even if it's harder to get back into the workforce, even if you have to take a paycut, it won't impact your family financially much since your family can already live well below your means currently. So apart from having to take a job that might not have maxed your potential when you left the workforce, the common downsides in terms of getting stuck with jobs with lesser pay, less prestigious jobs doesn't concern your situation. I would say go for the SAH.

The "common" downsides also include loss of husband at which point you're unprepared to take care of your kids. It's really surprising to me how many people are willing to rely on others for their financial well-being.

Most people rely on others for their financial well being you dolt.

Do you mean most adults rely on others for their financial well being? If so, why do you think so?

Are you a sea bajau? If not then you are relying on others for your financial well being. It is really stupid thing to be smug about, unless a course you are a member of the sea bajau people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I officially hate dcum for making me feel so poor. Ridiculous.

Another +1. Nothing against this OP. though.

If we were bringing in a six-figure HHI, let alone anything in the realm of $1 million, I'd be going NUTS at Whole Foods and I'd finally buy some decent bras.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your husband makes 500k and your biggest expense is only the $5000 mortgage. So even if it's harder to get back into the workforce, even if you have to take a paycut, it won't impact your family financially much since your family can already live well below your means currently. So apart from having to take a job that might not have maxed your potential when you left the workforce, the common downsides in terms of getting stuck with jobs with lesser pay, less prestigious jobs doesn't concern your situation. I would say go for the SAH.

The "common" downsides also include loss of husband at which point you're unprepared to take care of your kids. It's really surprising to me how many people are willing to rely on others for their financial well-being.

What if your company goes bankrupt? It's really surprising how many people are willing to rely on others for their financial well-being...

Please stop, you're embarrassing yourself.

[Anonymous]

I'm envious of those who truly have the luxury of choice re: the whole SAHM vs. WOHM issue. I would love to be a SAHM for a few years while the kids are little but at least at this point that's not in the cards for me as I'm the primary breadwinner in the family and my DH and I are social workers. We need to win the lottery LOL.

SAHM, WOHM...people have to do what's best for themselves and their families. I don't like all of the judging some women tend to do regarding this issue. Everyone's situation is unique. Just because someone is doing something different than you did doesn't make it wrong.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I officially hate dcum for making me feel so poor. Ridiculous.

Another +1. Nothing against this OP. though.

If we were bringing in a six-figure HHI, let alone anything in the realm of $1 million, I'd be going NUTS at Whole Foods and I'd finally buy some decent bras.

awesome. You are terrific. Me too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your husband makes 500k and your biggest expense is only the $5000 mortgage. So even if it's harder to get back into the workforce, even if you have to take a paycut, it won't impact your family financially much since your family can already live well below your means currently. So apart from having to take a job that might not have maxed your potential when you left the workforce, the common downsides in terms of getting stuck with jobs with lesser pay, less prestigious jobs doesn't concern your situation. I would say go for the SAH.

The "common" downsides also include loss of husband at which point you're unprepared to take care of your kids. It's really surprising to me how many people are willing to rely on others for their financial well-being.

Most people rely on others for their financial well being you dolt.

Do you mean most adults rely on others for their financial well being? If so, why do you think so?

Are you a sea bajau? If not then you are relying on others for your financial well being. It is really stupid thing to be smug about, unless a course you are a member of the sea bajau people.

Are you brain dead or just pretending to be? When you put your financial well being in the hands of your husband, and he leaves you, or he doesn't leave you, but you are in an unhappy marriage and "feel trapped" (does this sound familiar? It's been the theme of many recent DCUM threads), you have NO OPTIONS. Yes, most of us rely on corporations or the federal government ("people," I suppose, in the grand scheme of the world) for employment, but what we are actually relying on is our own skills, talent, and marketability. When we give that up and become dependent - yes, DEPENDENT - upon a husband to care for our needs ($500K salary or not), then we are trapped. I don't give two shits whether you have a life insurance policy. Do you have a divorce insurance policy? A policy that will ensure anyone will hire you in the very real possibility you are forced to go back to work? Feel free to ignore reality until it hits you rudely in the face. But there it is, and it ain't pretty for women who don't work.

[Anonymous]

We make very little in the non-profit sector but live well within our means. Since my kids were born, I have stayed home for 6 mos after the birth of each child, worked PT, and worked FT.

At the moment I am committed to working FT because I have found a job that has tremendous growth potential and that I enjoy. I want my daughters to see me pursuing my career ambitions so that they feel it is okay for them to be ambitious too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We make very little in the non-profit sector but live well within our means. Since my kids were born, I have stayed home for 6 mos after the birth of each child, worked PT, and worked FT.

At the moment I am committed to working FT because I have found a job that has tremendous growth potential and that I enjoy. I want my daughters to see me pursuing my career ambitions so that they feel it is okay for them to be ambitious too.

Fair enough but my mom stayed at home for 12 years and I never once thought about anything other than having serious education and career ambitions.

[Anonymous]

I'd never quit my job, mainly because I'm a product of divorce. I saw what my mother went through when my dad left, and she had to re-enter the workforce after a seven year hiatus. She was working nights at Macy's and substitute teaching when she could during the day. It took her 5 years of that to get back to the type of full time teaching job with benefits that she had before I was born. In the meantime, we wore hand me downs, and when an appliance broke, it stayed broken for years.

I'm also an economist. A study by Hewlitt et al. (Harvard Business Review 2005) found that if a woman takes any time out of the workforce, she comes back in at 81% of her previous salary, and if she takes 3+ years off, she comes back in at an average of 64% of her previous salary (averaged across all fields).

[Anonymous]

I'm a SAHM who posted earlier - a couple more thoughts.
1) I am a little annoyed that my 4yo daughter thinks that women stay home and raise babies. I've tried explaining that some moms work. Some stay home. Some dads even stay home. I've tried to explain that I used to work and I might go back to work someday. But she just nods unconvinced. So part of me wants to go back just to be a different kind of role model for her - not just a mom.

2) I am a horrible "housewife". Cleaning, dishes, etc. are just not my thing. I have tried to do more since I've been home, even though I don't think of it as really why I'm home. But I generally do have a bit more time at home than DH so I try. But I absolutely hate it. If I wasn't at home I'm sure there would be less dirty dishes and clean up to do at the end of the day. We still do outsource general cleaning, but the day-to-day cleaning up really grates on me. A LOT. My DH would be a much better "housewife", but he'd suck as a SAHD.

But I still don't regret our decision, but wanted to give full disclosure that it's not all sunshine and roses.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your husband makes 500k and your biggest expense is only the $5000 mortgage. So even if it's harder to get back into the workforce, even if you have to take a paycut, it won't impact your family financially much since your family can already live well below your means currently. So apart from having to take a job that might not have maxed your potential when you left the workforce, the common downsides in terms of getting stuck with jobs with lesser pay, less prestigious jobs doesn't concern your situation. I would say go for the SAH.

The "common" downsides also include loss of husband at which point you're unprepared to take care of your kids. It's really surprising to me how many people are willing to rely on others for their financial well-being.

Most people rely on others for their financial well being you dolt.

Do you mean most adults rely on others for their financial well being? If so, why do you think so?

Are you a sea bajau? If not then you are relying on others for your financial well being. It is really stupid thing to be smug about, unless a course you are a member of the sea bajau people.

Are you brain dead or just pretending to be? When you put your financial well being in the hands of your husband, and he leaves you, or he doesn't leave you, but you are in an unhappy marriage and "feel trapped" (does this sound familiar? It's been the theme of many recent DCUM threads), you have NO OPTIONS. Yes, most of us rely on corporations or the federal government ("people," I suppose, in the grand scheme of the world) for employment, but what we are actually relying on is our own skills, talent, and marketability. When we give that up and become dependent - yes, DEPENDENT - upon a husband to care for our needs ($500K salary or not), then we are trapped. I don't give two shits whether you have a life insurance policy. Do you have a divorce insurance policy? A policy that will ensure anyone will hire you in the very real possibility you are forced to go back to work? Feel free to ignore reality until it hits you rudely in the face. But there it is, and it ain't pretty for women who don't work.

Look lady, I am a SAHM and I come from a broken family with a father who was a philandering POS. So yeah, I know that shit goes south and your "dearly beloved" isn't exactly your friend once divorce is on the table. That being said, I left my career to SAH, and that was OUR choice for our family. I am not DEPENDENT on my husband b/c we are partners, in every sense of the word, and I don't live every day thinking he is going to leave me (thank god). Even if the unthinkable happens someday, I'll still be okay, b/c I didn't check my brain and college degree at the alter. I'll work it out, whether I have to work lower paying positions or not, but thanks for arguing so passionately on my behalf.

PS: Skills, talent, and marketability did shit for a lot of lawyers in the area in 2008-09. I guess you can't plan for everything.

You can waste a lot of your life waiting for shit to go wrong or you can live it the the fullest while you can. I choose the latter because I chose wisely.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your husband makes 500k and your biggest expense is only the $5000 mortgage. So even if it's harder to get back into the workforce, even if you have to take a paycut, it won't impact your family financially much since your family can already live well below your means currently. So apart from having to take a job that might not have maxed your potential when you left the workforce, the common downsides in terms of getting stuck with jobs with lesser pay, less prestigious jobs doesn't concern your situation. I would say go for the SAH.

The "common" downsides also include loss of husband at which point you're unprepared to take care of your kids. It's really surprising to me how many people are willing to rely on others for their financial well-being.

Most people rely on others for their financial well being you dolt.

Do you mean most adults rely on others for their financial well being? If so, why do you think so?

Are you a sea bajau? If not then you are relying on others for your financial well being. It is really stupid thing to be smug about, unless a course you are a member of the sea bajau people.

Are you brain dead or just pretending to be? When you put your financial well being in the hands of your husband, and he leaves you, or he doesn't leave you, but you are in an unhappy marriage and "feel trapped" (does this sound familiar? It's been the theme of many recent DCUM threads), you have NO OPTIONS. Yes, most of us rely on corporations or the federal government ("people," I suppose, in the grand scheme of the world) for employment, but what we are actually relying on is our own skills, talent, and marketability. When we give that up and become dependent - yes, DEPENDENT - upon a husband to care for our needs ($500K salary or not), then we are trapped. I don't give two shits whether you have a life insurance policy. Do you have a divorce insurance policy? A policy that will ensure anyone will hire you in the very real possibility you are forced to go back to work? Feel free to ignore reality until it hits you rudely in the face. But there it is, and it ain't pretty for women who don't work.

Look lady, I am a SAHM and I come from a broken family with a father who was a philandering POS. So yeah, I know that shit goes south and your "dearly beloved" isn't exactly your friend once divorce is on the table. That being said, I left my career to SAH, and that was OUR choice for our family. I am not DEPENDENT on my husband b/c we are partners, in every sense of the word, and I don't live every day thinking he is going to leave me (thank god). Even if the unthinkable happens someday, I'll still be okay, b/c I didn't check my brain and college degree at the alter. I'll work it out, whether I have to work lower paying positions or not, but thanks for arguing so passionately on my behalf.

PS: Skills, talent, and marketability did shit for a lot of lawyers in the area in 2008-09. I guess you can't plan for everything.

You can waste a lot of your life waiting for shit to go wrong or you can live it the the fullest while you can. I choose the latter because I chose wisely.

+1

[Anonymous]

It depends -- you're giving up a lot of salary potential that you may need. Most sahms I know gave up 60k at most and then act like they made the ultimate sacrifice when in reality it was a purely financial decision and they made too little to justify child care. They aren't fooling anyone.

[Anonymous]

$500K?? I would quit in a heartbeat. Are you joking?