Can you be friends with a smoker mom?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Absolutely not, because it makes me physically ill.
Tearing, sneezing, coughing, vomiting.

I don't care that you are smoking, or why, or what, but please don't smoke in the air that I'm breathing.

+1000

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I could probably be friends with someone who smoked if they were a nice, cool person and we had some common interests. Now anyone who liked The English Patient, forget it.

It was dreadful.

+1.

And I actually know a couple of people who smoke and are really nice.. OP, you need to lighten up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:One of my best friends is a smoker. She has a ton of tattoos up and down her arms. I am a fan of NEITHER of those qualities.

Three years ago she left an abusive boyfriend - she had a 16 month old, no car, no job, no money. They lived with us for 8 months during which time she got a kick-ass job, saved enough for a cheap car, got an safe, clean apartment in a good school district in MoCo, got full custody of her sweet son, and is now moving up the ladder at her company. She is the most loyal friend and employee you will ever meet in your LIFE. She has been there for me for every problem I've ever had and has been a far better friend to me than I have been to her. I have now known her for 22 years and she has never wavered in her loyalty and support.

She is an amazing lesson to my boys - both the good and the few bad. We talk about her smoking and her tattoos, and how I approve of neither. But we talk about how she is SO much more than just those two things. How life is complex and complicated, we do the best we can, and try to see people for who they are as a whole - not any one quality or habit.

If you passed her up as a friend because of her smoking, or her tattoos, you would be GREATLY missing out, in so many ways.

I like you. This is such an important thing to learn in life. For my kids to understand how to see the true value in people and not just fall for trappings of success etc is so important to me. I love that you openly discuss that you don't like the smoking but that it does not define her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Absolutely not, because it makes me physically ill.
Tearing, sneezing, coughing, vomiting.

I don't care that you are smoking, or why, or what, but please don't smoke in the air that I'm breathing.

+1000

Ease up, dork.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Absolutely not, because it makes me physically ill.
Tearing, sneezing, coughing, vomiting.

I don't care that you are smoking, or why, or what, but please don't smoke in the air that I'm breathing.

So, by your logic, as a vegetarian I (& all other veggies/vegans worldwide - not to mention many pregnant women) should be able to ban all barbecuing of animal meats because the smell makes me/us physically ill?!? I'm talking serious tearing, coughing, vomiting and all! Can we ban farms too, while we're at it? Not that there's any here in the city but when I visit the "summer home" - talk about migranes & nauseating smells! By the way, have you happened to walk near an intersection in DC lately or gotten a whiff of a woodburning fireplace? I don't think I should be forced to tolerate such noxious gasses because "I don't care... why, or what, but please don't smoke in the air I'm breathing" Is this really the American that you want to live in... where a few pps discomfort dictates what the rest of the free society can partake in? Because that is utter lunacy to me!

I am in no way suggesting that we live in a free-for-all world but if EVERYONE would take personal responsibility and just use (what used to be) some common sense, you know... being kind & considerate of others, showing compassion, a wee bit of tolerance, and for goodness sake - cut your fellow sister or brother a little slack now & again. Next time, try gently and kindly explaining your allergy to the "offender" (of whatever variety) and at least give them the opportunity to remedy the situation & if they can't or won't, then take it upon your grown-up self to quietly & dignifiably walk away. Acknowledge the fact we all have rights, and it may also help to try to remember these three things: 1. the best resolution to any situation begins with you putting yourself in the other person's shoes; 2. Some people really, truely get enjoyment out of the activity in which you find so repulsive (& I'm not referring only to those who partake themselves); 3. You my dear, are not the most important person in the universe - sorry - the good news in that is that neither is anyone else!

To make what a (very long) story short; yes, I could be friends with a smoker just not a selfish or intolerant one.

P.S.: So very sorry for the long rant, especially considering the time lapse from the last post, but I stumbled upon the thread and after reading so many replies - especially this one - I couldn't resist!

Your analogy to the poster makes NO sense. She didn't say all smokers should be banned. She said she wouldn't be friends with a smoker. Because most smokers do it frequently so the smell is renewed all the time, that is different from being around a carnivore. A ham sandwich won't make you gag (no odor). I could see telling a friend you can't meet at a spit barbecue for lunch in your situation. I would not want to be around a smoker. Our beloved uncle smokes and we adore being around him...but I am allergic. Never smoked myself, diagnosed by a doctor when I was a child and have never been able to be around smoke. If my uncle smokes, I need to distance myself from him for awhile. (Asthma, migraines).

[Anonymous]

I dunno, I have close family friends who smoke and I love them dearly, but my baby won't be spending much time at their house or in their arms.

I personally think that it's a good thing there's such a negative stereotype of smokers — it may persuade some of them to quit and save some of their lives. As for those of you asking "who smokes anymore?", I always ask this too, but there are really a shocking number of smokers in my well-to-do NW neighborhood. So many, in fact, I've had to give up enjoying the many patios in my neighborhood which totally infuriates me.

[Anonymous]

This post cracks me up. "i know some smokers who are really nice..." Seriously? Are smokers typically mean and unfriendly? It's a bad, social habit. It's not indicative of a bad person. Get a grip. Hang out with them or don't but let's not go throwing them in the same category as felons, gangbangers and pediophiles (you know, actual bad people).

[Anonymous]

No, could not be good friends. Cordial acquaintances, sure.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This post cracks me up. "i know some smokers who are really nice..." Seriously? Are smokers typically mean and unfriendly? It's a bad, social habit. It's not indicative of a bad person. Get a grip. Hang out with them or don't but let's not go throwing them in the same category as felons, gangbangers and pediophiles (you know, actual bad people).

+1

I have close friends who are smokers. They don't smoke inside or around children, and that's all that matters to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Absolutely not, because it makes me physically ill.
Tearing, sneezing, coughing, vomiting.

I don't care that you are smoking, or why, or what, but please don't smoke in the air that I'm breathing.

You are so full of shit!

As if catching a whiff of an unpleasant smell is akin to smoking half a pack in one sitting yourself. Poor delicate petal.

[Anonymous]

If I am standing on the corner smoking, or sitting on my apartment balcony enjoying a cigarette and the smell drifts over to you, it is your problem to deal with. I am allowed to smoke on these occasions, despite the fact that second-hand smoke harms you.

If I am standing on the corner or sitting on my apartment balcony squirting you with a water-gun, you will object to this because I should not squirt water at you, despite the fact that water is harmless.

[Anonymous]

Op, accept people for who they are. I'm sure you have habits they don't like

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If I am standing on the corner smoking, or sitting on my apartment balcony enjoying a cigarette and the smell drifts over to you, it is your problem to deal with. I am allowed to smoke on these occasions, despite the fact that second-hand smoke harms you.

If I am standing on the corner or sitting on my apartment balcony squirting you with a water-gun, you will object to this because I should not squirt water at you, despite the fact that water is harmless.

It's interesting that you don't seem to mind at all that your habit could prevent your neighbors from ever using their patios or opening their windows on a nice day. It's your attitude that makes people hate smokers, so well done.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If I am standing on the corner smoking, or sitting on my apartment balcony enjoying a cigarette and the smell drifts over to you, it is your problem to deal with. I am allowed to smoke on these occasions, despite the fact that second-hand smoke harms you.

If I am standing on the corner or sitting on my apartment balcony squirting you with a water-gun, you will object to this because I should not squirt water at you, despite the fact that water is harmless.

It's interesting that you don't seem to mind at all that your habit could prevent your neighbors from ever using their patios or opening their windows on a nice day. It's your attitude that makes people hate smokers, so well done.

The original post was facetious, PP. Duh. Poster was saying that smoke, which harms other people, would unfortunately be more acceptable than water in the above situations.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One of my best friends is a smoker. She has a ton of tattoos up and down her arms. I am a fan of NEITHER of those qualities.

Three years ago she left an abusive boyfriend - she had a 16 month old, no car, no job, no money. They lived with us for 8 months during which time she got a kick-ass job, saved enough for a cheap car, got an safe, clean apartment in a good school district in MoCo, got full custody of her sweet son, and is now moving up the ladder at her company. She is the most loyal friend and employee you will ever meet in your LIFE. She has been there for me for every problem I've ever had and has been a far better friend to me than I have been to her. I have now known her for 22 years and she has never wavered in her loyalty and support.

She is an amazing lesson to my boys - both the good and the few bad. We talk about her smoking and her tattoos, and how I approve of neither. But we talk about how she is SO much more than just those two things. How life is complex and complicated, we do the best we can, and try to see people for who they are as a whole - not any one quality or habit.

If you passed her up as a friend because of her smoking, or her tattoos, you would be GREATLY missing out, in so many ways.

I like you. This is such an important thing to learn in life. For my kids to understand how to see the true value in people and not just fall for trappings of success etc is so important to me. I love that you openly discuss that you don't like the smoking but that it does not define her.

I like you both!!! I hate when people judge others by their looks rather than what is on the inside. I have some great friends too, who smoke and have tattoos and other qualities some would frown on, but they can be the best friends ever.