Can you be friends with a smoker mom?

[Anonymous]

The difference between smoking and other bad habits is that even a little smoke directly impacts other people, in a way a glass of wine or overeating does not. Certainly not all of my friendly are optimally healthy but most of them lead healthy lifestyles--which is frequently how we met and the foundation of what we have in common. So, no, I would probably not be close friends with a smoker.

My grandfather was a heavy smoker, and whenever my grandmother did my childhood laundry, the colors would be dulled. After he died, I helped her repaint her house. Covering her interior walls with fresh white paint, I very vividly saw how cigarette smoke stains everything yellow. It was disgusting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm not a smoker. I can honestly say that I have never even tried a cigarette. But your rant against smokers is ridiculous almost to the point of sounding a little insane. Trust me. Your neighbor is not missing out on anything. I'm sure she has plenty of friends.

This +1

[Anonymous]

One of my best friends is a smoker. She has a ton of tattoos up and down her arms. I am a fan of NEITHER of those qualities.

Three years ago she left an abusive boyfriend - she had a 16 month old, no car, no job, no money. They lived with us for 8 months during which time she got a kick-ass job, saved enough for a cheap car, got an safe, clean apartment in a good school district in MoCo, got full custody of her sweet son, and is now moving up the ladder at her company. She is the most loyal friend and employee you will ever meet in your LIFE. She has been there for me for every problem I've ever had and has been a far better friend to me than I have been to her. I have now known her for 22 years and she has never wavered in her loyalty and support.

She is an amazing lesson to my boys - both the good and the few bad. We talk about her smoking and her tattoos, and how I approve of neither. But we talk about how she is SO much more than just those two things. How life is complex and complicated, we do the best we can, and try to see people for who they are as a whole - not any one quality or habit.

If you passed her up as a friend because of her smoking, or her tattoos, you would be GREATLY missing out, in so many ways.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Everybody has flaws. I always like to point out how holier than thou people fall, like republicans who have crazy gay affairs etc. this woman is not hiding her flaw. Consider she may be more open and honest than your friends with secret Xanax addictions or who drink two bottles of wine a night or cheat on their spouses.

this. great great point.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, I can be friends with a smoker. I used to be a smoker myself, but quit nearly 10 years ago. Thankfully, my husband - a nonsmoker - admired me for my intellect, and character (and maybe I'm good in bed), at least enough to ask me to marry him despite my bad habit. I'm the same person I was 10 years ago, except now I don't smoke.

This is me, too. Except my kid is little, I've quit for the last 3 years, and smoked for the rest of the 13.5 years my husband and I have been together.

[Anonymous]

So, all the (smokers) people who say they can be friends with smokers, do your smoker friends think there is nothing wrong with smoking or that it doesn't bother other people?

Do smokers really think they are fooling anyone with perfume or gum or breath mints? Or that smoking in the wind really prevents them from stinking?

And all the comments about people who are overweight or alcoholics or closet drug addicts - missing the point. Overeaters aren't forcing trans-fats down people's throats; alcoholics aren't forcing anyone to guzzle wine; drug addicts aren't forcing pills on other people. Smokers expose other people to their smoke just walking down the street and you can't avoid smelling that stench just standing remotely nearby. (I've heard more than one story about the smoking neighbor who is so close people can't open their own windows without getting smoke wafting in.)

No one ever said that smokers don't have good qualities. The question is whether their habit - which makes non-smokers ill at the slightest hint of a smell - is something that non-smokers can deal with and how to do so.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So, all the (smokers) people who say they can be friends with smokers, do your smoker friends think there is nothing wrong with smoking or that it doesn't bother other people?

I'm a PP, and I am NOT a smoker. Nice implication. No, of course my friend thinks there's something wrong with smoking. She is highly, horribly addicted. She's working on it. She tries her best not to affect anyone, smoking as quickly as possible and as out-of-the-way as possible.

Anonymous wrote:No one ever said that smokers don't have good qualities. The question is whether their habit - which makes non-smokers ill at the slightest hint of a smell - is something that non-smokers can deal with and how to do so.

If you're getting ill at the slightest hint of a smell, you are a delicate flower, ill-suited for this life. I walk across the street at 20th and K an inhale more fumes than I ever do hanging around with a smoker (who doesn't smoke near me). Really, you're making more out of this than is necessary. It's smoking, not waving a loaded gun around in public. Sheesh.

[Anonymous]

Absolutely not, because it makes me physically ill.
Tearing, sneezing, coughing, vomiting.

I don't care that you are smoking, or why, or what, but please don't smoke in the air that I'm breathing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Absolutely not, because it makes me physically ill.
Tearing, sneezing, coughing, vomiting.

I don't care that you are smoking, or why, or what, but please don't smoke in the air that I'm breathing.

Drama queen.

I know, because I used to be you, shooting dirty looks and hacking loudly at anyone who dared light up near me.

But then I grew up.

I suggest you try it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So, all the (smokers) people who say they can be friends with smokers, do your smoker friends think there is nothing wrong with smoking or that it doesn't bother other people?

Do smokers really think they are fooling anyone with perfume or gum or breath mints? Or that smoking in the wind really prevents them from stinking?

And all the comments about people who are overweight or alcoholics or closet drug addicts - missing the point. Overeaters aren't forcing trans-fats down people's throats; alcoholics aren't forcing anyone to guzzle wine; drug addicts aren't forcing pills on other people. Smokers expose other people to their smoke just walking down the street and you can't avoid smelling that stench just standing remotely nearby. (I've heard more than one story about the smoking neighbor who is so close people can't open their own windows without getting smoke wafting in.)

No one ever said that smokers don't have good qualities. The question is whether their habit - which makes non-smokers ill at the slightest hint of a smell - is something that non-smokers can deal with and how to do so.

Oh, please! Get a grip, PP. I don't smoke and I don't like the smell of cigarettes, but, for God's sake, I'm not getting 'ill at the slightest hint of a smell'! You might want to see your doctor about your unusual sensitivity to odors.

Geez.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Absolutely not, because it makes me physically ill.
Tearing, sneezing, coughing, vomiting.

I don't care that you are smoking, or why, or what, but please don't smoke in the air that I'm breathing.

Drama queen.

I know, because I used to be you, shooting dirty looks and hacking loudly at anyone who dared light up near me.

But then I grew up.

I suggest you try it.

+1000000

[Anonymous]

I am one of the PPs that said I wouldn't be close friends with a smoker. It isn't that I would think they were a bad person or that they didn't have lots of redeeming qualities. I just hate the smell of smoke. To me it is comparable to someone who bathes in perfume...where you get within a few feet and it is nauseating and makes your eyes burn. I wouldn't be close friends with them either due to the smell. I need to be comfortable around the people I am close friends with and if they are smoking, I am going to physically be very uncomfortable. Now if they are a smoker but they never smoke around me, we don't go to their house and they don't smell like smoke...then sure.

[Anonymous]

Hey smokers calm down.

Nobody is calling you a junkie (even though we know you are one) we're just saying you stink. That's all.

[Anonymous]

I don't care that you are all upset, PP.
It is what it is. I was traumatized as a child.
I can smell one cigarette among hundreds of nonsmokers on a crowded open air train platform.
If I'm trapped in close quarters (f.e. car) with a smoker, I will vomit.

So I will not beat myself up that I'm not 'simply putting up with it' with a smile.
I try to avoid, (I don't hate the person, knew some great people who were smokers, just *hate* their smoke), but if I can't; deal with it (and with my reaction, whatever the situation) - your smoke started it, I didn't do anything to you. Yet.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hey smokers calm down.

Nobody is calling you a junkie (even though we know you are one) we're just saying you stink. That's all.

Why is it so hard to believe that a smoker and non smoker would actually be friends? The judgments on this board are so ridiclous.