What's with the lady in my neighborhood who cannot be bothered with thank you notes?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Say it in person, don't hide behind a note.

This sounds like another excuse - a very creative one - not to make the effort to write a thank you note. Obviously, you don't always have the opportunity to say thank you in person - what then? It's amazing how crafty the anti-thank you note crowd is with their excuses and deflections to avoid writing a thank you note. It's bad for the environment, you're "hiding" behind a note, people who expect thank yous are grudge holders .... Next thing you know, thank you notes cause cancer.

Seriously, how hard is it? Grab a blank notecard, write it, and put it in the mail. For all the energy all you all are finding to come up with reasons not to write thank-you notes, you could have written about 100 of them by now!

It was my 12yo son's birthday recently and he got four gifts from family. (No party with friends; he opted for a family outing instead.)

Last night he sat down to write notes. I timed it (because of this thread) and it took him eight minutes. It took another two minutes to address the envelopes.

It is not hard. Really, just not hard.

[Anonymous]

^^^sat down to write thank-you notes, that is.

I'll be damned if my kids go out in the world as adults without manners. It makes them less likable, less employable, less appealing as people.

I don't understand people who do not grasp this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:^^^sat down to write thank-you notes, that is.

I'll be damned if my kids go out in the world as adults without manners. It makes them less likable, less employable, less appealing as people.

I don't understand people who do not grasp this.

Was it insufficient that he verbally thanked them (assuming he did so) upon receiving the gifts?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^^^sat down to write thank-you notes, that is.

I'll be damned if my kids go out in the world as adults without manners. It makes them less likable, less employable, less appealing as people.

I don't understand people who do not grasp this.

Was it insufficient that he verbally thanked them (assuming he did so) upon receiving the gifts?

Yes, it was insufficient.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:^^^sat down to write thank-you notes, that is.

I'll be damned if my kids go out in the world as adults without manners. It makes them less likable, less employable, less appealing as people.

I don't understand people who do not grasp this.

i don't understand how people can grasp that not everyone has identical definitions of what constitutes good manners. if you think writing thank you notes is what has made your child likable, employable and appealing to people - good for you. Believe it or not, other children will grow up to be just as likeable, employable and appealing to people even if they showed appreciation, respect, thankfulness and gratefulness in person.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, if I repeatedly don't get thank-you notes from certain people, I wonder if we won't see eye to eye on other things as well, if we probably have different personal styles, child rearing styles, etc.

That might just be it. I'm an informal person; we never wrote thank you notes when I was a kid. I did it for my wedding because it seemed terrible not to, even though I really don't care about getting thank you notes from other people after I've given them wedding gifts. And so far as I know I thank people (by email, phone, or in person) when they do nice by me, by giving me a gift or in some other way. I'm disorganized and forgetful, and I am sure that I've forgotten to say thank you sometimes. If that makes me disgusting in your view, prbly best if we're not that close, since there really probably are a lot of things that I'll do, or you'll do, that'll grate.

Actually you are a badly-mannered person, brought up by parents with bad manners.

It doesn't make you disgusting, it just means you have bad manners, which reflects badly on you.

YOUR bad manners are showing up now. Just because you were raise like that doesn't mean it's way or the highway.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^^^sat down to write thank-you notes, that is.

I'll be damned if my kids go out in the world as adults without manners. It makes them less likable, less employable, less appealing as people.

I don't understand people who do not grasp this.

Was it insufficient that he verbally thanked them (assuming he did so) upon receiving the gifts?

Yes, it was insufficient.

What if he had verbally said the same things on the note, face to face to the gift giver instead of sending the note. Would that be sufficient?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^^^sat down to write thank-you notes, that is.

I'll be damned if my kids go out in the world as adults without manners. It makes them less likable, less employable, less appealing as people.

I don't understand people who do not grasp this.

Was it insufficient that he verbally thanked them (assuming he did so) upon receiving the gifts?

Yes, it was insufficient.

What if he had verbally said the same things on the note, face to face to the gift giver instead of sending the note. Would that be sufficient?

In our family, we write thank you notes for gifts, whether or not the recipient gave verbal thanks in person, on the phone, by email or otherwise.

So no, that would not be sufficient.

[Anonymous]

It is so sad to me that so many people give gifts with such high expectations of what they will get in return. what about teaching your kids that giving a gift isn't about what you get back. Saying no, that thank you you told me verbally wasn't enough, I deserve more appreciation for what I gave you. I want a verbal thank you and a handwritten note mailed to me. Then maybe I will feel as you you truly recognize and appreciate how awesome I am for giving you that gift.

What is so special about a paper and an envelope? If the person expresses thanks and appreciation, why can't that be enough thanks for you? Do you want an email also sent out or a public message posted on facebook about how awesome you are for giving a gift? People need so much ego stroking.

I teach my kids you give with no expectation. It isn't about what you get in return. If the person says thank you, that is great. I expect my kids to say thank you for anything they receive. That is sufficient.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^^^sat down to write thank-you notes, that is.

I'll be damned if my kids go out in the world as adults without manners. It makes them less likable, less employable, less appealing as people.

I don't understand people who do not grasp this.

i don't understand how people can grasp that not everyone has identical definitions of what constitutes good manners. if you think writing thank you notes is what has made your child likable, employable and appealing to people - good for you. Believe it or not, other children will grow up to be just as likeable, employable and appealing to people even if they showed appreciation, respect, thankfulness and gratefulness in person.

Do you think that there are no objective standards for good manners? None at all?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It is so sad to me that so many people give gifts with such high expectations of what they will get in return. what about teaching your kids that giving a gift isn't about what you get back. Saying no, that thank you you told me verbally wasn't enough, I deserve more appreciation for what I gave you. I want a verbal thank you and a handwritten note mailed to me. Then maybe I will feel as you you truly recognize and appreciate how awesome I am for giving you that gift.

What is so special about a paper and an envelope? If the person expresses thanks and appreciation, why can't that be enough thanks for you? Do you want an email also sent out or a public message posted on facebook about how awesome you are for giving a gift? People need so much ego stroking.

I teach my kids you give with no expectation. It isn't about what you get in return. If the person says thank you, that is great. I expect my kids to say thank you for anything they receive. That is sufficient.

You are expressing this from the giver's point of view. I don't teach my kids to expect anything when they give gifts. I do not encourage them to seek any expression of their awesomeness in return.

I do however teach them to write thank-you notes for what they receive, just as e.g. we say grace at dinner each night.

I don't care what anyone else does, but in our family, we take the time and effort to write a personal thank-you to people who were thoughtful enough to remember us on special days. That is what we do. Grandma is happy to see our children's thank-yous in their own handwriting, and with each thank-you note3, our kids learn to appreciate other people remembering them and taking the time to give them a gift.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^^^sat down to write thank-you notes, that is.

I'll be damned if my kids go out in the world as adults without manners. It makes them less likable, less employable, less appealing as people.

I don't understand people who do not grasp this.

i don't understand how people can grasp that not everyone has identical definitions of what constitutes good manners. if you think writing thank you notes is what has made your child likable, employable and appealing to people - good for you. Believe it or not, other children will grow up to be just as likeable, employable and appealing to people even if they showed appreciation, respect, thankfulness and gratefulness in person.

Do you think that there are no objective standards for good manners? None at all?

I do believe that there are objective standards on good manners and you should always thank someone for a gift. That the thank you has to be on a piece of paper does not reflect this standard. The world is a much smaller place and you have to be open that other cultures have different standards. I think it is very narrow minded of you to think your standard is the only correct standard.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is so sad to me that so many people give gifts with such high expectations of what they will get in return. what about teaching your kids that giving a gift isn't about what you get back. Saying no, that thank you you told me verbally wasn't enough, I deserve more appreciation for what I gave you. I want a verbal thank you and a handwritten note mailed to me. Then maybe I will feel as you you truly recognize and appreciate how awesome I am for giving you that gift.

What is so special about a paper and an envelope? If the person expresses thanks and appreciation, why can't that be enough thanks for you? Do you want an email also sent out or a public message posted on facebook about how awesome you are for giving a gift? People need so much ego stroking.

I teach my kids you give with no expectation. It isn't about what you get in return. If the person says thank you, that is great. I expect my kids to say thank you for anything they receive. That is sufficient.

You are expressing this from the giver's point of view. I don't teach my kids to expect anything when they give gifts. I do not encourage them to seek any expression of their awesomeness in return.

I do however teach them to write thank-you notes for what they receive, just as e.g. we say grace at dinner each night.

I don't care what anyone else does, but in our family, we take the time and effort to write a personal thank-you to people who were thoughtful enough to remember us on special days. That is what we do. Grandma is happy to see our children's thank-yous in their own handwriting, and with each thank-you note3, our kids learn to appreciate other people remembering them and taking the time to give them a gift.

But you teach them to be disappointed in the gift giver if they don't get the embossed gift card thanking them. Teaching them that those children have bad manners.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is so sad to me that so many people give gifts with such high expectations of what they will get in return. what about teaching your kids that giving a gift isn't about what you get back. Saying no, that thank you you told me verbally wasn't enough, I deserve more appreciation for what I gave you. I want a verbal thank you and a handwritten note mailed to me. Then maybe I will feel as you you truly recognize and appreciate how awesome I am for giving you that gift.

What is so special about a paper and an envelope? If the person expresses thanks and appreciation, why can't that be enough thanks for you? Do you want an email also sent out or a public message posted on facebook about how awesome you are for giving a gift? People need so much ego stroking.

I teach my kids you give with no expectation. It isn't about what you get in return. If the person says thank you, that is great. I expect my kids to say thank you for anything they receive. That is sufficient.

You are expressing this from the giver's point of view. I don't teach my kids to expect anything when they give gifts. I do not encourage them to seek any expression of their awesomeness in return.

I do however teach them to write thank-you notes for what they receive, just as e.g. we say grace at dinner each night.

I don't care what anyone else does, but in our family, we take the time and effort to write a personal thank-you to people who were thoughtful enough to remember us on special days. That is what we do. Grandma is happy to see our children's thank-yous in their own handwriting, and with each thank-you note3, our kids learn to appreciate other people remembering them and taking the time to give them a gift.

Do you teach your kids that it is bad manners if they don't write thank you notes? If so, does this mean that everyone who doesn't write thank you notes have bad manners?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is so sad to me that so many people give gifts with such high expectations of what they will get in return. what about teaching your kids that giving a gift isn't about what you get back. Saying no, that thank you you told me verbally wasn't enough, I deserve more appreciation for what I gave you. I want a verbal thank you and a handwritten note mailed to me. Then maybe I will feel as you you truly recognize and appreciate how awesome I am for giving you that gift.

What is so special about a paper and an envelope? If the person expresses thanks and appreciation, why can't that be enough thanks for you? Do you want an email also sent out or a public message posted on facebook about how awesome you are for giving a gift? People need so much ego stroking.

I teach my kids you give with no expectation. It isn't about what you get in return. If the person says thank you, that is great. I expect my kids to say thank you for anything they receive. That is sufficient.

You are expressing this from the giver's point of view. I don't teach my kids to expect anything when they give gifts. I do not encourage them to seek any expression of their awesomeness in return.

I do however teach them to write thank-you notes for what they receive, just as e.g. we say grace at dinner each night.

I don't care what anyone else does, but in our family, we take the time and effort to write a personal thank-you to people who were thoughtful enough to remember us on special days. That is what we do. Grandma is happy to see our children's thank-yous in their own handwriting, and with each thank-you note3, our kids learn to appreciate other people remembering them and taking the time to give them a gift.

I don't care what anyone else does, but in our family, we take the time and effort to write a personal thank-you to people who were thoughtful enough to remember us on special days. That is what we do. Grandma is happy to see our children's thank-yous in their own handwriting, and with each thank-you note3, our kids learn to appreciate other people remembering them and taking the time to give them a gift.

But you teach them to be disappointed in the gift giver if they don't get the embossed gift card thanking them. Teaching them that those children have bad manners.

Do you teach your kids that it is bad manners if they don't write thank you notes? If so, does this mean that everyone who doesn't write thank you notes have bad manners?

Nope, we do not comment on others' manners, customs, notes or lack of notes.

You are making assumptions and they are incorrect.

We teach our children to do this. Others can do as they wish, we don't comment on notes, lack of notes, stationery, embossed envelopes, or any other aspects of what others choose to do.