What's with the lady in my neighborhood who cannot be bothered with thank you notes?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe your neighbor simply wasn't taught as a child to send thank you notes and hasn't gleaned as an adult that this is something most do. Believe it or not, not everyone was raised the same way.

I wasn't raised this way either, and yet around the age of 10 started to realize this is something I should do and now at age 39 I am pretty good about sending thank you notes. My mom recently mentioned that I am the only one of my siblings who acknowledges gifts at all. I told her to stop sending them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe your neighbor simply wasn't taught as a child to send thank you notes and hasn't gleaned as an adult that this is something most do. Believe it or not, not everyone was raised the same way.

I wasn't raised this way either, and yet around the age of 10 started to realize this is something I should do and now at age 39 I am pretty good about sending thank you notes. My mom recently mentioned that I am the only one of my siblings who acknowledges gifts at all. I told her to stop sending them.

I am the poster you quoted and I too wasn't raised to send TY notes. I didn't get it until I was in my 20's (so much older than 10). And then got much better about it. Many of my siblings still don't write notes (the boys mostly), but fortunately their wives all do, so that is their saving grace. Since I had to figure it out myself, I assumed others had to as well and let's face it. Not everyone is very observant and there have to be some out there that just don't get it. They think it is "nice" when they receive one, but don't understand that it is "expected" for them to send them out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am disorganized and overwhelmed with a job and small kids. Lots of things don't get done. If you aren't Luke this be glad and have some compassion.

We are all busy. Every last one of us.

I didn't say I was busy, I said disorganized and overwhelmed. Congratulations, you are higher functioning than I am.

OP, maybe she's depressed. Depressed people don't always appear sad.

[Anonymous]

OP, does this neighbor give you gifts if/when you invite her?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ugh, i opened this fearing it was one of my neighbors. My family was not a stickler for this, and I am also a slacker. Last month, the week before my daughter's birthday, I found the stack of thank you notes from the prior year's gifts - I had forced her to write them, but then we've never delivered them. All that pain for nothing.

THis year we've struggled through writing 2 of the 5. GOT to get ON this. I need to up my game.

This is me too!!

[Anonymous]

I never write TY notes and I am seriously puzzled with the ones I receive. What do you do with them? Tons of paper wasted. I usually just call and thank people personally.

[Anonymous]

Its a waste of paper and outdated.

[Anonymous]

i forgot to add that while i appreciate that i have thoughtful friends, i find receiving them unnecessary as i know my friends are thankful. who invented this as a rule of thumb, hallmark?

[Anonymous]

There are two issues here. The rule that is non-negotiable is that people must be thanked for giving you a gift. I am surprised at how many people don't do it in any format. I give my child's daycare teachers gifts at Christmas and the end of of the year, and I am surprised at how many of them never even walk over to say thank you, even when they weren't there when I dropped off the bags.

The second issue is format. I can't believe in 2012 people still get put out by not getting a card with a stamp on it. Phone call, e-mail, walking over later to say thanks is sufficient for all but the most formal of occasions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Its a waste of paper and outdated.

This is just an excuse. Thank you notes - whether via e-mail or snail mail - should be a matter of course and are no more of a waste of paper than a letter to a friend or loved one. It's basic courtesy to thank someone for a gift they have given you. Not only am I tired of reading lame excuses like this one, but the deflections of why it's actually those who give gifts and reasonably expect a thank you of some sort who are in the wrong (they are grudge holders, etc).

Guess people will go to great lengths to justify lazy, rude behavior.

[Anonymous]

I didn't write thank you notes for some gifts I received for baby #2 because I was suffering from PPD. I could barely function. Give her the benefit of the doubt. And stop going to her events/buying her presents if it bothers you that much.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Its a waste of paper and outdated.

This is just an excuse. Thank you notes - whether via e-mail or snail mail - should be a matter of course and are no more of a waste of paper than a letter to a friend or loved one. It's basic courtesy to thank someone for a gift they have given you. Not only am I tired of reading lame excuses like this one, but the deflections of why it's actually those who give gifts and reasonably expect a thank you of some sort who are in the wrong (they are grudge holders, etc).

Guess people will go to great lengths to justify lazy, rude behavior.

It is indeed. That's why we say it in person and not use silly notes!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Its a waste of paper and outdated.

This is just an excuse. Thank you notes - whether via e-mail or snail mail - should be a matter of course and are no more of a waste of paper than a letter to a friend or loved one. It's basic courtesy to thank someone for a gift they have given you. Not only am I tired of reading lame excuses like this one, but the deflections of why it's actually those who give gifts and reasonably expect a thank you of some sort who are in the wrong (they are grudge holders, etc).

Guess people will go to great lengths to justify lazy, rude behavior.

It is indeed. That's why we say it in person and not use silly notes!

No manners. My sons are being taught to write thank you notes from a young age---just like my siblings and I.

I can't believe how many of you had parents that didn't teach this. Disgusting.

Maybe my sons can teach their future wives since it sounds like there are a lot of lazy parents out there.

Manners never become outdated.

[Anonymous]

Say it in person, don't hide behind a note.

[Anonymous]

I give gifts because it's something that I want to do. Not for the thanks. A thank you in any way, shape or form is great. The problem I have with thank you notes is they are almost always generic and rote. Saying they only take a few minutes isn't exactly a good thing. What's the point? I have received a few from much older family members that were extremely genuine and heartfelt. And while I thought they were nice and deeply appreciated them, they were no different than the same verbal thanks.