I'm An Unmarried Mother of 4 Living w/my Male Partner, We DoNot Want To Marry. Ask Me Anything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you religious?

Yes, we are.

What does your religion say about having out of wedlock children? Don't you worry that your children will be considered lower class because you and baby daddy aren't married?

Lower class? No, I do not. It's 2012, not 1940. If you're passing judgement on my children based on my decision to not marry that says more about you than about me. I'm a graduate of Dartmouth & my partner went to UMD & then to Harvard. I am far more stable & much better off than 90% of the couples I know. Our German relatives are also not rooting their relationships in marriage. I think it's an American issue to be so judgmental over unwed couples, yet a slug like Newt can piss all over family values and it's okay. It's a hoot to us.

So, because both of you are graduates of Ivy League schools, this makes a difference, how? Nobody has said that Newt is anyone whom we would wish our children to emulate but I also would not want my children to emulate someone so selfish she refuses to give her children the benefits of their parents being lawfully wed.

It makes no difference, but when people are asking me if we live in a double wide or single, then asking if I were on medicaid I felt I may as well divulge our higher educations. It's not fair for me to put that on the table when people are asking asinine questions about how large of a trailer we live in? We are not poor, trashy Americans that a few of you are insinuating we must be. Again, I do not think many of you have traveling out West recently. Unmarried couples are the norm out in San Fran, not the exception.

I am not refusing to be married. I have not denounced the institution of marriage. We made the decision together to continue our happy, solid, stable relationship as it was with legal checks in place. This is not selfish in any way, this is smarter than most married people.

People are insinuating that you are poor, trashy Americans because you are behaving as such. End of story.

[Anonymous]

OP, why don't you just admit that he won't marry you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why do you think it would be less traumatic or damaging to your kids for you two to split up when not married, rather than if married. It is still their family breaking apart. And if you then got together with another man for a few years, then another man...how would that be different for your kids then what you experienced.

I don't get how not being married protects your kids in any way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm annoyed OP never answered my questions.

What was your question?

These:

Do your children want you to marry? If they are too young to know the difference now but want you to in the future, will you?

If your reason for not marrying is because of bad family histories of divorce, does that equate to not marrying out of insecurity about a possible eventual divorce?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, why don't you just admit that he won't marry you?

He's proposed, so I think he that he indeed would marry me. At this point in time we agree together that we prefer how we live our lives.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you religious?

Yes, we are.

What does your religion say about having out of wedlock children? Don't you worry that your children will be considered lower class because you and baby daddy aren't married?

Lower class? No, I do not. It's 2012, not 1940. If you're passing judgement on my children based on my decision to not marry that says more about you than about me. I'm a graduate of Dartmouth & my partner went to UMD & then to Harvard. I am far more stable & much better off than 90% of the couples I know. Our German relatives are also not rooting their relationships in marriage. I think it's an American issue to be so judgmental over unwed couples, yet a slug like Newt can piss all over family values and it's okay. It's a hoot to us.

So, because both of you are graduates of Ivy League schools, this makes a difference, how? Nobody has said that Newt is anyone whom we would wish our children to emulate but I also would not want my children to emulate someone so selfish she refuses to give her children the benefits of their parents being lawfully wed.

It makes no difference, but when people are asking me if we live in a double wide or single, then asking if I were on medicaid I felt I may as well divulge our higher educations. It's not fair for me to put that on the table when people are asking asinine questions about how large of a trailer we live in? We are not poor, trashy Americans that a few of you are insinuating we must be. Again, I do not think many of you have traveling out West recently. Unmarried couples are the norm out in San Fran, not the exception.

I am not refusing to be married. I have not denounced the institution of marriage. We made the decision together to continue our happy, solid, stable relationship as it was with legal checks in place. This is not selfish in any way, this is smarter than most married people.

People are insinuating that you are poor, trashy Americans because you are behaving as such. End of story.

Wow. Reread what you wrote. Are you that classless and horrible in real life? I had no idea there was a standard that you had created for all to live by.

I am so thankful there are people like you in the world to keep us all on the moral straight and narrow.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why not get married?

We both grew up in family situations where multiple divorces came into play. My mother is on her 3rd marriage. His father was married 4 times, his mother 2 times. I think this stuck with him more than it did with me, but we both agreed that we'd rather put money into a house than a wedding. From there were had a child. There was never a strong desire to marry, everything felt right, and still does.

A marriage license and City Hall cost very little and your children would not be bastards.

My children have two loving parents and they live in a stable home. You are labeling them. It's 2012, not 1812.

Do you consider Heidi Klum's children bastards?
Madonna's first daughter is a bastard in your eyes?
Halle Berry's daughter?
Brad & Angelina's children?
The countless other (double wide living) unwed couples raising happy children. People who marry for the sake of their children and then end up divorcing are okay, as long as they try, right? LOL.

All bastards, not healthy children that are well loved by their parents. Just bastards in your eyes. For shame!

What else is an illegetimate child but a bastard? It may be 2012 but there are still standards. Obviously, not for you, but for most of us and these include having children in wedlock. Most of us are far above people of the ilk o the celebrities you name. I wouldn't want my children associating with those children either.

[Anonymous]

To 0:11. The last PP, you are a vicious, despicable, thoroughly disliked person. In other words PP you are the bastard as well as an ugly biatch. Oh, I am not the OP, but since you like to throw names around, especially where children are involved, you should no that bastard has more than one meaning. You just happen to fit the other definition. Enjoy wallowing in your hatred.

[Anonymous]

To 0:11. The last PP, you are a vicious, despicable, thoroughly disliked person. In other words PP you are the bastard as well as an ugly biatch. Oh, I am not the OP, but since you like to throw names around, especially where children are involved, you should no that bastard has more than one meaning. You just happen to fit the other definition. Enjoy wallowing in your hatred.

[Anonymous]

You rock!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you religious?

Yes, we are.

What does your religion say about having out of wedlock children? Don't you worry that your children will be considered lower class because you and baby daddy aren't married?

Lower class? No, I do not. It's 2012, not 1940. If you're passing judgement on my children based on my decision to not marry that says more about you than about me. I'm a graduate of Dartmouth & my partner went to UMD & then to Harvard. I am far more stable & much better off than 90% of the couples I know. Our German relatives are also not rooting their relationships in marriage. I think it's an American issue to be so judgmental over unwed couples, yet a slug like Newt can piss all over family values and it's okay. It's a hoot to us.

^^^ Yep. My in-laws are French, and one lives in Germany, and in both countries, it is definitely NOT as common to get married, even with kids. In France you can do a civil union type thing if you want, and those are pretty popular. Honestly, I kinda wish DH would not have married and just stayed living together. I don't see the big hoopla about marriage. To me it kinda kills relationships.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Go.

I don't give a rat's ass and am wondering why I'm even wasting my time posting this . . .

[Anonymous]

I just wonder if you're aware of all of the rights afforded to married people not afforded to unmarried people, even with whatever contracts you've drawn up. As a gay person who would love to get married to my partner (we're in VA, but soon moving to DC to address this - just have to get the house on the market!), we're very aware of this - SS benefits (not substantial, but we'll be glad to have them if for some reason we lose our retirement due to something unforseeable), hospital visitation, tax benefits, etc. We see no need for a big wedding, as we've been together as long as you all and don't need that kind of thing...but since we forsee being together forever, why not get the legal protections it affords?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:To 0:11. The last PP, you are a vicious, despicable, thoroughly disliked person. In other words PP you are the bastard as well as an ugly biatch. Oh, I am not the OP, but since you like to throw names around, especially where children are involved, you should no that bastard has more than one meaning. You just happen to fit the other definition. Enjoy wallowing in your hatred.

Calm down, 9:48. and please go get your dictionary. You may not like it, but OP's kids are, in fact "bastards," in the technical and legal sense of the word. Why are you so angry at this poster when OP and her "partner" (whatever that means to her today) set them up for this situation?

The fact remains that OP may choose to say that "others are creating standards for her," but one of these days I predict that she will grow up and recognize that the standards have been around for a lot longer than she has, or will be, and that they were put in place to serve humankind in creating a society. She and he are not going to change that, no matter how liberated they like to think they are.

[Anonymous]

I don't give a shit whether OP is married or not, but I have to wonder what sorts of "standards" PP has that make it okay to call little children bastards.

Would you do that to their face, PP?