I'm An Unmarried Mother of 4 Living w/my Male Partner, We DoNot Want To Marry. Ask Me Anything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What religion do you practice?

I'm Lutheran, but grew up Roman Catholic. My partner is Jewish.

We incorporate both religions into our household. I know. Odd, but we do it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why would you be so reckless and stupid. There are certain protections for married couples that domestic couples don't have. Plus, it's a lot easier for either of you to split because it's not like you are married.

I hope the inconvenience of a divorce isn't what stops my husband from leaving me. You sound really naive.

It's not naive. It's a lot easier for someone to leave, not because they won't have the inconvenience of divorce, but because the thought process is different. Every couple I know, that said they didn't need that piece of paper, were wrong. None of them realized there was less commitment than they thought. It was too easier for one of them to cheat or leave during rough patches and always the reason was "It's not like were married".

I agree & I disagree. That may be the "norm", but again, I doubt most unmarried have gone to lawyers and drawn up documents as to what happens if someone leaves. We're going into year 17. Neither of us have just gotten up and cheated or left when the times were rough, yet our married friends have.

That says a lot to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What is your race and ethnicity?

White from Germany

Whew! Well it's alright then. You're not irresponsible; just hippie, crunchy and non-traditional.

I'm def non-traditional but not hippie at all. Not even close. I'm health conscious and an organic type but not crunchy at all.

[Anonymous]

We have a joint bank account.

We do own our house together, our deed is just not the same deed type a married couple would have. Any two (or more) people can buy a house, you don't need to be married.

Yes, I know that re home ownership. Given how intermingled your finances are, why would it be any easier for you guys if you separated than if you were married? I don't really understand.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

We have a joint bank account.

We do own our house together, our deed is just not the same deed type a married couple would have. Any two (or more) people can buy a house, you don't need to be married.

Yes, I know that re home ownership. Given how intermingled your finances are, why would it be any easier for you guys if you separated than if you were married? I don't really understand.

The laws don't apply to us as they do in marriage. I don't need to submit financial statements to a lawyer and then to court. We can close our joint acct and move on to our separate accounts. The house is the same as it would be for any two people owning a house, we sell it and split the proceeds or one of us buys the other out. Either / or.

Our finances aren't so intermingled either one of us would be begging the other for support or worrying about child support or alimony. This is one of the areas that I have seen friends go to court after court after court date and get screwed.

My dear friend's husband of 7 years just up and left. Before he left with his mistress he moved all of their joint money to his own private account. My partner can indeed up and leave but he cannot take my money and move it. Or do any of the things my friend's legal *husband* is doing to her.

So again, I don't see finances as a reason to get married. It doesn't change anything for us.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why not get married?

We both grew up in family situations where multiple divorces came into play. My mother is on her 3rd marriage. His father was married 4 times, his mother 2 times. I think this stuck with him more than it did with me, but we both agreed that we'd rather put money into a house than a wedding. From there were had a child. There was never a strong desire to marry, everything felt right, and still does.

You don't have to have a wedding to be married. Who covers the medical insurance for the kids? Wouldn't the kids get more benefits/security if you were married? What if something happens to one of you (or both), the kids wouldn't necessarily inherit anything, right?

Is your partner named on their birth certificates?

[Anonymous]

My dear friend's husband of 7 years just up and left. Before he left with his mistress he moved all of their joint money to his own private account. My partner can indeed up and leave but he cannot take my money and move it.

I'm not saying there's anything wrong with not getting married if you feel like it, but can't your husband do that as well as a joint account holder? I think you can. I had a joint account with DH before we married, and I solely (but with his knowledge) wrote a massive check from it to pay for our wedding. Wouldn't you still need to work out child support etc?

[Anonymous]

Why don't you want to get married?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why don't you want to get married?

I explained that a few times. Just no need.

[Anonymous]

How does social security work? There are surviving spouse benefits, for which I assume you would not be eligible if your partner died?

[Anonymous]

Do you refer to one another as husband and wife to others just to "simplify" things? If not, how do you describe one another- girlfriend, partner...?

[Anonymous]

Do you live in a double-wide or single-wide?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why not get married?

We both grew up in family situations where multiple divorces came into play. My mother is on her 3rd marriage. His father was married 4 times, his mother 2 times. I think this stuck with him more than it did with me, but we both agreed that we'd rather put money into a house than a wedding. From there were had a child. There was never a strong desire to marry, everything felt right, and still does.

You don't have to have a wedding to be married. Who covers the medical insurance for the kids? Wouldn't the kids get more benefits/security if you were married? What if something happens to one of you (or both), the kids wouldn't necessarily inherit anything, right?

Is your partner named on their birth certificates?

Why wouldn't our children inherit anything? We both have wills and we both have life insurance, we both have (once again) the proper legal papers to assure the children are taken care of if we split or if one of us passes away. If both of us die there are guardians in places and trusts for the children.

Yes, my partner is on the birth certificate. Why wouldn't he be? Since we are not married the documents needed to be notarized by the hospital, nothing more. He is still their father.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How does social security work? There are surviving spouse benefits, for which I assume you would not be eligible if your partner died?

Social security benefits are not an issue to me. I have a 401k and my partner does as well. I believe we are probably better off financially in terms of retirement than most married couples. This is the least of my concerns and honestly, let those benefits go to my children if one of is dies early or to a person with no savings that need them.

Not a concern of mine, but I understand if it concerns you. To each their own. It's a trade off of deciding to not marry.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do you live in a double-wide or single-wide?

We live in a house. I'm not sure I understand how your question applies to me.

Are you implying only people who live in trailers have families and do not marry. Would you say that is an appropriate remark and somewhat of an elitist remark to make? Do you look down on people who live in trailers? If so, do you think you are better than they are and that there is something wrong with living in a home that they can afford? I don't judge people based on where they live or what they live in, or make sweeping assumptions about them.