Some thoughts on daycare

[Anonymous]

Lawyer here. That was not me ( the post you thought was mine). I'm not doing two threads.

[Anonymous]

Also, yes, we downsized a lot. We rent a smaller place now in a good school district. Home ownership in this area required that I work at the law firm, and so we decided to get out of it. That was our choice. I encourage others to be happy with their choices. All I am saying is shut up with the "I really could not take care pf children" crap. It really is a very small point I am making. Sorry it is getting everyone so agitated--probably because working moms say this shit all the time.

[Anonymous]

Hon, if you think our society is breaking down due to working mothers pining away wanting to be at home instead of working you need to focus your worries on the plight of the societies of Sweden, Denmark, Norway, Portugal, Netherlands, Australia, and Belgium because THOSE countries have MORE working moms than the US. It is NO DOUBT that those societies have more accommodations for working moms and a better quality of life for children and better early childhood education because those moms who participate in the work force are DEMAND better. People like YOU who opt out and settle for sub par for yourself do your daughters no favors. Power in numbers.

Anonymous wrote:I just wanted to share my thoughts about the concept of daycare in general. I am wondering if anyone agrees with how I feel. It saddens me that so many of us put our kids in daycare. Daycare was my plan when I got pregnant with my first, but after a few weeks of it, I realized that I wanted to be the one raising DC and I quit my job. I am lucky that we were able to afford to get by on just DH's income. I understand that, in this country (especially in the DC area, and other metropolitan areas like it), both parents often have to work in order to be able to support their children. I'm not trying to insult any families that are doing that. My comments are more about the way we're living collectively in this country, where parents find it necessary to outsource the important task of raising their children to person or persons they barely know. Is daycare a common thing in other countries, I wonder (e.g., the Scandinavian countries, where standards of living and quality of life are reported to be so high?) It just seems so unnatural to me...the idea of having people we don't know that well spend more waking hours with our little ones than we do. Sometimes I wonder if it has something to do with the general degeneration of our society (in my opinion). Thanks for listening.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Lawyer here. That was not me ( the post you thought was mine). I'm not doing two threads.

Whoops, yeah, I think I was mixing two different posts together in my response. But, what I said applies to you. You are truly clueless if you think most of us (on DCUM) could magically become single earner families if we "made some lifestyle changes". You are unbelievably fortunate. If we want to provide the best for our kid, that means he goes to daycare for a few years before he starts school. BUT, that also means I can afford to send him to preschool and maybe a great private school, and then, hopefully college. That would not be happening if I quit my job. No way no how. Not unless I or my DH became an absentee parent. That is the reality that most of us area dealing with. We are better parents because we both work. Is my daycare person "better" than I am at parenting my child? No, because she doesn't parent my child. She is extremely knowledgeable, very skilled with infants, has taught me to be a better parent, and I trust her with my child's life. I can honestly say that my child is just as well-off spending time with her and a few other kids every day, than he would be if I were caring for him. You implied many times that a daycare provider who isn't as educated as you (and is brown to boot) can't care for your child as well as you can on your own. You are completely wrong. If that were the case, then why is it that children of families with two professional parents tend to be so successful?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:People like YOU who opt out and settle for sub par for yourself do your daughters no favors.

That's completely out of line.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I hate to rain on everyone's 1950s fantasy of how the western world always was, but SAHM doting on her kids at home? Was never really the case here, and to the extent it was, was a big aberration from the way things have always been. Throughout history, most daily childcare has been outsourced, either to servants (for the upper classes) or other children or relatives (for the lower classes).

My sister in law is a sahm, and very, very proud of that fact. My brother lost his job and guess who forked over thousands of dollars so they would have food on the table and a roof over their heads? Me, the working mother. Providing for a family's financial security is every bit as important, if not more so, than day-to-day childcare tasks. If there is one value I want to instill in my children, it is a strong work ethic.

It amazes me how ignorant these current SAH moms are about women's history. For CHRIST's sake, a wet nurse was common for a few hundred, maybe thousand years. Even breastfeeding was outsourced by many and still is practice in many places.

I'm from Peru and most women in Peru work as well in some sort of capacity, the only difference is families are not as spread out there are here and grandma and aunts sometimes watch the kids, but also LIVE IN DOMESTICS are common, they do everything for the house. Even a housewife can lay around lazy if they have a domestic, which most do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People like YOU who opt out and settle for sub par for yourself do your daughters no favors.

That's completely out of line.

Are you new here?

[Anonymous]

You women are crazy. Why are you even responding to OP's post it is obviously fake. She works and feels guilty about not being able to stay home. This post was her way to cope with her feelings of inadequacy. My wife works and we love daycare.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People like YOU who opt out and settle for sub par for yourself do your daughters no favors.

That's completely out of line.

No. You're out of line!!!

[Anonymous]

Pp, you are obviously thoughtful and I believe we have faced many of the same challenges. By lifestyle changes, I mean things like eliminating the need for private school by moving. That adds up to about $70k per year for my two kids. In any event, I understand and respect your choices. But, I do think that I can do a better job at teaching my preschool aged kids given my education level and language ability. I doubt my former nanny from when my daughter was an infant would contradict that, as English was her second language and much less strong than her first. This is why many parents get educated caregivers for their kids. This does not apply to infants. You may change your mind about who best can care for your child once he or she is older, and I trust you will decide what is best at that point. You may not. Like you said, many kids succeed who have others care for them. All I am saying is that if you wanted to take care of your kid instead of working, you could probably do it quite well with some practice and effort. Again, I just want to stop hearing from people that they are not the right person for the job when they are obviously smart, capable and engaged parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People like YOU who opt out and settle for sub par for yourself do your daughters no favors.

That's completely out of line.

Are you new here?

No, I posted earlier (not sure why that matters). That above-quoted comment you made suggests that staying at home to raise kids equates to opting out and settling for something that is subpar. That's out of line, and untrue.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You women are crazy. Why are you even responding to OP's post it is obviously fake. She works and feels guilty about not being able to stay home. This post was her way to cope with her feelings of inadequacy. My wife works and we love daycare.

I didn't get the sense that it was a fake post...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hate to rain on everyone's 1950s fantasy of how the western world always was, but SAHM doting on her kids at home? Was never really the case here, and to the extent it was, was a big aberration from the way things have always been. Throughout history, most daily childcare has been outsourced, either to servants (for the upper classes) or other children or relatives (for the lower classes).

My sister in law is a sahm, and very, very proud of that fact. My brother lost his job and guess who forked over thousands of dollars so they would have food on the table and a roof over their heads? Me, the working mother. Providing for a family's financial security is every bit as important, if not more so, than day-to-day childcare tasks. If there is one value I want to instill in my children, it is a strong work ethic.

It amazes me how ignorant these current SAH moms are about women's history. For CHRIST's sake, a wet nurse was common for a few hundred, maybe thousand years. Even breastfeeding was outsourced by many and still is practice in many places.

I'm from Peru and most women in Peru work as well in some sort of capacity, the only difference is families are not as spread out there are here and grandma and aunts sometimes watch the kids, but also LIVE IN DOMESTICS are common, they do everything for the house. Even a housewife can lay around lazy if they have a domestic, which most do.

I know right? Having others help with childcare is nothing new, and pretty much the norm, everywhere. It's just harder here to get that assistance here than in other places for economic and social reasons.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Pp, you are obviously thoughtful and I believe we have faced many of the same challenges. By lifestyle changes, I mean things like eliminating the need for private school by moving. That adds up to about $70k per year for my two kids. In any event, I understand and respect your choices. But, I do think that I can do a better job at teaching my preschool aged kids given my education level and language ability. I doubt my former nanny from when my daughter was an infant would contradict that, as English was her second language and much less strong than her first. This is why many parents get educated caregivers for their kids. This does not apply to infants. You may change your mind about who best can care for your child once he or she is older, and I trust you will decide what is best at that point. You may not. Like you said, many kids succeed who have others care for them. All I am saying is that if you wanted to take care of your kid instead of working, you could probably do it quite well with some practice and effort. Again, I just want to stop hearing from people that they are not the right person for the job when they are obviously smart, capable and engaged parents.

Thanks for the underhanded snarky, judgemental post.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Also, yes, we downsized a lot. We rent a smaller place now in a good school district. Home ownership in this area required that I work at the law firm, and so we decided to get out of it. That was our choice. I encourage others to be happy with their choices. All I am saying is shut up with the "I really could not take care pf children" crap. It really is a very small point I am making. Sorry it is getting everyone so agitated--probably because working moms say this shit all the time.

No, it's because you are verbose and obnoxious. I can't believe anyone puts up with your ranting more than a few minutes in real life.