leaving 17 mo old with nanny for a few days...should we do it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Funny -- I am a PP who also simply chimed in that I wouldn't do this.

BUT.

We were going to go to a wedding, my DH and I, and possibly leave our 2 children for two nights with a trusted, excellent babysitter/nanny (who's taught me a great deal about good childrearing, I might add). We have an almost 4 YO who likes this nanny a great deal and a 6 mo.

Outside of my own family,this nanny is one of the few I'd trust to raise my kids if anything ever happened. She's all of 26 YO, engaged, wants to start a family. Not at all like I was at age 26.

So there ya go.

In your situation I'd completely do this. There's a good reason for both of you to go, and it's only a couple days. No hesitation if you trust your nanny. But I wouldn't go fir an entire week for no better reason than I'd be lonely.

What's the good reason? I wouldn't do this either. The baby is way too young. I would take the kids and the nanny. If you can afford to pay the nanny for the whole weekend, then you can afford an extra hotel room. Just think about how the baby is going to feel.

[Anonymous]

I agree if you can pay for a nanny's care 24 hours a day, you can pay for an extra hotel room for nanny and baby or children(as the case may be with the PP)
OP, IMO you have only two options,
1. decide to take the "once in a lifetime opp" and make your business trip into a pleasure trip by extending the amount of time you are there with DH AND BABY with you( bring nanny too if you can afford it)
2. go alone for the shortest amount of time and have it actually be just a business trip, DH takes care of baby at home.


I have a 17 month old who lives very close to her grandparents, they are not paid help. They ADORE her beyond words, she loves them too. This said, I would still not leave her alone with them for a week so that I could extend what could be a three day trip into a week long vacation with my husband. 17 months is just too young.

IMHO you are a bad parent if you put you and your husbands wants ahead of your child's needs (to be with her parents as much as possible) at this young of an age.

[Anonymous]

I'm curious when people think it is an acceptable age to leave a child for a week to go away. I posted before that it is easier the younger they are.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm curious when people think it is an acceptable age to leave a child for a week to go away. I posted before that it is easier the younger they are.

Based on personal experience - if both parents are going I'd wait until kindergarten at least. It's actually harder when they are younger since time seems to go on forever and they definitely seem to get a bit displaced when both parents are absent for an extended period of time. If only one parent is going, I think any age would be ok (although they'd definitely miss the absent parent). We've had one parent go and one parent stay a few times and while they miss the absent parent it's easier when they are home and there's some stability with the remaining parent. When both of us go away (which we've done for 1-2 days) after about 24 hours they start to go a little bonkers and by the time we come back they are pretty thrown off.

I can remember being regularly left with grandma for a week starting when I was around 6-7. I do remember getting homesick and missing my parents after 3-4 days, but did ok.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm curious when people think it is an acceptable age to leave a child for a week to go away. I posted before that it is easier the younger they are.

I think it depends on the kid but DH and I can't enjoy ourselves when we know our kids are sad. Leaving a baby might be easier on you because the baby can't tell you how he/she feels but I think it is much harder on a baby who can't understand time. The first time we left our DS he was four but we had to leave to adopt his baby sister. It was really hard on DS and his older sister but they did okay. If I had a choice, I would probably wait until age 5 or six and then only if the kids had fun plans which would distract them.

[Anonymous]

I agree with PP, we plan to wait until our youngest is about 4, the oldest would be 7, before we both go away for an extended period(more than 1 or 2 days). I have yet to be gone even overnight since our youngest was born 18 mos ago. I am fortunate my work does not require travel.
It's one thing if there was some medical emergency that required both parents being gone at the same time(though I can't even imagine what that would be). But both parents making the CHOICE to be gone for a week is very hard on young children. I think the poster who said it's easier the younger they are is crazy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Funny -- I am a PP who also simply chimed in that I wouldn't do this.

BUT.

We were going to go to a wedding, my DH and I, and possibly leave our 2 children for two nights with a trusted, excellent babysitter/nanny (who's taught me a great deal about good childrearing, I might add). We have an almost 4 YO who likes this nanny a great deal and a 6 mo.

Outside of my own family,this nanny is one of the few I'd trust to raise my kids if anything ever happened. She's all of 26 YO, engaged, wants to start a family. Not at all like I was at age 26.

So there ya go.

In your situation I'd completely do this. There's a good reason for both of you to go, and it's only a couple days. No hesitation if you trust your nanny. But I wouldn't go fir an entire week for no better reason than I'd be lonely.

What's the good reason? I wouldn't do this either. The baby is way too young. I would take the kids and the nanny. If you can afford to pay the nanny for the whole weekend, then you can afford an extra hotel room. Just think about how the baby is going to feel.

I agree what "good reason" do you have to leave your 6 mo old with a nanny for the weekend? a wedding?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm curious when people think it is an acceptable age to leave a child for a week to go away. I posted before that it is easier the younger they are.

I think it depends on the kid but DH and I can't enjoy ourselves when we know our kids are sad. Leaving a baby might be easier on you because the baby can't tell you how he/she feels but I think it is much harder on a baby who can't understand time. The first time we left our DS he was four but we had to leave to adopt his baby sister. It was really hard on DS and his older sister but they did okay. If I had a choice, I would probably wait until age 5 or six and then only if the kids had fun plans which would distract them.

So you assume a child must be sad when mom and dad are gone? What about parents who work long hours and rarely see their children awake? I know quite a few families who operate this way. I think that is sad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm curious when people think it is an acceptable age to leave a child for a week to go away. I posted before that it is easier the younger they are.

I think it depends on the kid but DH and I can't enjoy ourselves when we know our kids are sad. Leaving a baby might be easier on you because the baby can't tell you how he/she feels but I think it is much harder on a baby who can't understand time. The first time we left our DS he was four but we had to leave to adopt his baby sister. It was really hard on DS and his older sister but they did okay. If I had a choice, I would probably wait until age 5 or six and then only if the kids had fun plans which would distract them.

So you assume a child must be sad when mom and dad are gone? What about parents who work long hours and rarely see their children awake? I know quite a few families who operate this way. I think that is sad.

This is a different subject though. DH and I have both adapted our schedules to meet the needs of our children. DH would rather come home for dinner and then work all night than miss out on an evening with the family. He has worked many weekend nights after the kids have gone to bed so that he could spend all day with the kids. We share the same priorities. I have a very limited work schedule and I work at home. Our kids have top priority in our lives and maybe that is why we are so comfortable sacrificing a few years of vacations alone together. The time you get to spend with your kids when they are little is so short. It truly flies by. I have teen and two young children and I can't even tell you how much I miss the days when my oldest wanted to be with us all of the time!

[Anonymous]

So - ignoring all of the overdramatic posts, I wouldn't do it. I have traveled overseas for work numerous times since having DD and would never bring my DH along. I couldn't stand the thought of both of us being an entire ocean away in the event of an emergency. Far different than being a short car-ride away for a long weekend or such.

That being said, I totally feel you for not wanting to go and knowing you're going to miss your baby. Since you said in one of your subsequent posts that you'd only be working about a half-day, why not just go for that and come home? Rougher on your body, no chance for sightseeing, sure, but you can accomplish what you need to do for work and then come right home to your famil.

[Anonymous]

I'm a SAHM so maybe that colors my take on this. I see my kids nearly 24/7. I don't think spending a week away from them will harm them. I would feel better leaving my child with family members (more than one ideally) b/c I'd be worried the nanny would burn out working 24/7. I'm assuming the OP's nanny doesn't have children. If she's never done kids 24/7 for a week, it might be a bit much for her. The 17 month old will be fine so don't believe the melodramatic posts.

[Anonymous]

I think going with DH and Baby is best but no deep or lasting trauma would result from a week of separation. Baby will not remember in the end.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We just left our 17 month old for 4 days, 3 nights with our trusted nanny and it was fine but I am not sure I could have done longer. She was totally fine with the nanny (the reality is for weekdays, she is with the nanny anyway the majority of the day) but we skyped with her each day and she cried every time- I think she really missed us and it made us sad. However, I know people who go away for longer and if I was in a situation where I had to be away for work and had no choice, I would do it

There are always choices. It's truly amazing how some of you rationalize these types of situations in a way that supports what you want to do. It's one thing to be a working mom. It's quite another to put the job and career first. Flame away, but it's very sad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think going with DH and Baby is best but no deep or lasting trauma would result from a week of separation. Baby will not remember in the end.

So, what do you think a child of that age remembers?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm curious when people think it is an acceptable age to leave a child for a week to go away. I posted before that it is easier the younger they are.

I think it depends on the kid but DH and I can't enjoy ourselves when we know our kids are sad. Leaving a baby might be easier on you because the baby can't tell you how he/she feels but I think it is much harder on a baby who can't understand time. The first time we left our DS he was four but we had to leave to adopt his baby sister. It was really hard on DS and his older sister but they did okay. If I had a choice, I would probably wait until age 5 or six and then only if the kids had fun plans which would distract them.

So you assume a child must be sad when mom and dad are gone? What about parents who work long hours and rarely see their children awake? I know quite a few families who operate this way. I think that is sad.

This is a different subject though. DH and I have both adapted our schedules to meet the needs of our children. DH would rather come home for dinner and then work all night than miss out on an evening with the family. He has worked many weekend nights after the kids have gone to bed so that he could spend all day with the kids. We share the same priorities. I have a very limited work schedule and I work at home. Our kids have top priority in our lives and maybe that is why we are so comfortable sacrificing a few years of vacations alone together. The time you get to spend with your kids when they are little is so short. It truly flies by. I have teen and two young children and I can't even tell you how much I miss the days when my oldest wanted to be with us all of the time!

Your children are extremely fortunate! I'm a working mom and empty nester. You've pretty much described the way my husband and I tried to work and parent, although I didn't work from home-- I taught in a private school that my children attended.