leaving 17 mo old with nanny for a few days...should we do it?

[Anonymous]

I have to take a work trip to Germany, a place that I have never been (same with DH). I didn't really want to take this trip but I'm up for a promotion and my boss really wanted me to go so I said yes. I still don't really want to go only bc I don't want to leave my baby for a week. But now that I know I'm going and there is no getting out of it, I"m thinking about asking my husband to join me and leaving our baby with the (fabulous, wonderful) nanny. We'd of course pay her and get neighbors to help out in the evenings.

questions:
1. Have you done this?
2. If yes, how does it work out?
3. If no, explain.

thanks for your perspectives.

[Anonymous]

How old is the baby? I don't know - i feel like i would be terribly uncomfortable with this. leaving baby with family for a week, OK, but a nanny?

[Anonymous]

I agree with PP. Can you bring the baby, and have the husband look after the baby while you work?

[Anonymous]

17 months (will be at the time of the trip). Nanny is like 3rd parent. no family lives close so are strangers to baby. Other option is one of our neighbor's adult children. a couple of them have great relationships with child. But nanny would probably like the extra cash...

I don't want to gooooooooooooooo. especially alooooooooone.
whine over.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:17 months (will be at the time of the trip). Nanny is like 3rd parent. no family lives close so are strangers to baby. Other option is one of our neighbor's adult children. a couple of them have great relationships with child. But nanny would probably like the extra cash...

I don't want to gooooooooooooooo. especially alooooooooone.whine over.

Ok, if it's between adult you being alone and 17 month old baby being alone (without parents for a week)...it might be time to be a big girl and go to Germany by yourself if you feel you have to go. Let DH stay with baby. A week is a long time at that age.

[Anonymous]

I'm facing this almost exact dilemma. We have an opportunity to do a three day weekend away and my DD will be 2 at the time. We have no family that can watch her. And we never will. She has a nanny, who she adores. My nanny has already done overnights with her here and there and it's been fine. We haven't made a final decision, but I'm pretty sure we're going to do it when the time comes.

Here's my thing...if we aren't comfortable letting the nanny watch DD for a few nights, then we will never go anywhere as a couple. For years and years. I'm not really ok with this. I actually think it's important for parents to get away on their own. I wish we had family that could watch her, but we don't.

So I would probably do it. But just for a few nights, not a full week.

[Anonymous]

Your child will be fine w/o you for a week. Go and have fun! Make sure the nanny has some backup though. It is going to cost you a fortune to pay the nanny but if you have the money, go for it.

[Anonymous]

OP here:

I've traveled alone a lot and don't mind it. I just will miss my baby so much so having DH there will make me feel better. But yes, I realize that's selfish. DH wants to travel and misses foreign travel especially. HE votes to take child with us! I that would stress everybody else and I have to work so wouldn't be right unless we got two hotel rooms..

Thanks for 10:06, that's helpful.

[Anonymous]

Is bringing nanny and husband with you to Germany an option?

[Anonymous]

Get the 2nd hotel room (much cheaper than nanny for a week) and bring your family! You all will have a lot of fun, regardless of your work schedule. When you have to work, DH can take DC out and about.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Get the 2nd hotel room (much cheaper than nanny for a week) and bring your family! You all will have a lot of fun, regardless of your work schedule. When you have to work, DH can take DC out and about.

Taking a 17 month old on a trans-atlantic flight and then getting her adjusted to the time change? Not worth the trouble, in my opinion. BUT...if your DH is prepared to take all that on, then go for it.

[Anonymous]

OP: I've done this with my nanny multiple times. Like you said, my child knows my nanny better (and is more comfortable) than with my family who is far away. Of course you have to have a high level of trust with the nanny (which I do with mine) and each time I've done it all has been well. I would totally go with my husband and leave a 17 mo. old with the nanny--experience of a lifetime!

I've never done a full week --longest has been 5 days, but its been no problem! Go for it and have fun!

[Anonymous]

OP, your posts have all been about you, and your husband. None of them have taken the perspective of your baby, or talked about you as a family.

You are a family now. You are not Me. DH. Nanny. Child. You are a family.

So if you want your family with you, go as a family. If you want time away with your husband, start with a weekend and see how that goes. If you want to focus on your job, go alone and have your husband and nanny take care of your baby in your absence.

What if your baby gets sick, and cries for her parents, who are a continent away? What if she just suddenly has separation anxiety? It is true that children can cope with all kinds of trauma, but this is not a medical or family emergency. This is something you want.

If you are a loving mother, this is not about you. A sudden loss of both parents cannot be explained to a 17 month old. Accept the responsibility you have, and take heart: this is a temporary set of circumstances. There will come a time you can run off to Europe with your husband. Just not right now.

[Anonymous]

Only you can decide if your nanny is up to this. We left our DD when she was about the same age with her grandparents and the nanny for a week while DH joined me in Japan. But GPs did the overnights in our home, not the nanny. I would trust her with DD overnight, but not for the whole week. I'd also think through some of the logisitcs. Will nanny have to take your child every where with her? How will she do it? Who will be nanny's back up if nanny needs to do something without baby? How much will nanny charge? Don't forget to give nanny a medical power of attorney and your insurance card to take care of baby's medical needs while you are gone. Do a will before you and DH both go away and have a plan in case you get stuck in Germany (think Iceland volcano).

One other thing to consider is taking both husband and child. A lap child won't be free flying to Germany, but will be relatively cheaper. The flight is a b-tch though. Then, you and DH should pick a hotel with babysitting. I was in Spain and Germany last week, and one of the hotels clearly offered babysitting (I just can't remember which one).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, your posts have all been about you, and your husband. None of them have taken the perspective of your baby, or talked about you as a family.

You are a family now. You are not Me. DH. Nanny. Child. You are a family.

So if you want your family with you, go as a family. If you want time away with your husband, start with a weekend and see how that goes. If you want to focus on your job, go alone and have your husband and nanny take care of your baby in your absence.

What if your baby gets sick, and cries for her parents, who are a continent away? What if she just suddenly has separation anxiety? It is true that children can cope with all kinds of trauma, but this is not a medical or family emergency. This is something you want.

If you are a loving mother, this is not about you. A sudden loss of both parents cannot be explained to a 17 month old. Accept the responsibility you have, and take heart: this is a temporary set of circumstances. There will come a time you can run off to Europe with your husband. Just not right now.

OP, this whole situation is a test! If you are a loving mother, you will pass the test. If you're not a loving mother, you will jet off to Germany with your husband and not give your DD a second thought.

As for all the "What if" scenarios, I think that's piling on guilt for the sake of piling it on. If anything serious happened, OP or DH could be on a plane very quickly and back in less than 24 hours.

OP, it might not be the right thing for your family to do this for a variety of decisions, but don't make the decision out of guilt and fear.