I wanted to throw my son out the window...

[Anonymous]

Hang in there and please don't be afraid to ask for help. As a mom of a preemie, I know how there are a whole host of issues that you are having to deal with above and beyond what a normal mom goes through which in itself is extremely stressful. In addition, you have the issues with you husband. I can't imagine. Most preemies have reflux and digestive issues so I would definitely go to a doctor for help. We found just having our son sleep at an incline helped. Also, get a sling/carrier and go for walks. That should help your baby sleep and help you destress. Depending on where you live, you might be able to get assistance. In Montgomery County there is an infants and toddlers program where they will help your child with developmental issues and also have social workers that will provide support and resources (regardless of income). I'm sure other counties have similar programs. Good luck and hang in there.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Thank you all for the outpouring of concern for my son and I. Your suggestions on what to do have been helpful (and some I was already doing). I was a nanny for years and I tried using all the "tricks" on my baby him comfortable...but I guess sometimes when it is your own child, those tricks don't necessarily work as well as they did before/or as well as you thought. My son and I went out of town last weekend and it was a good refreshing break. I am still very exhausted because I am not getting any sleep, but at least I don't want to throw the baby out the window anymore - I literally didn't want to, I just described it that way to show emphasis on how tired and frustuated I am/was.
After evaluating everything and a discussion with my son's pediatrician, we have determined he is going through a growth sprut, however, because he is still a preemie, they don't want to introduce any solids until he is four months old...which will be in another two weeks. I guess I'll just have to feed him less milk more often during that time (which will cut into my sleep time at night) but hopefully things will get better once he is able to eat solids.
My son and I co sleep, although it does not seem to make a differnce. He still cries and fusses for a long time before finally sleeping. Today he woke up at 3 am, (his last feeding was at 12.30am), ate and stayed up until 5.45am before falling asleep. Basically, I did not get much sleep at all. He has reflux, but that has been under control for weeks now since the pediatrician put him on Zantac.
Things with my hubby/baby daddy cannot be repaired. We are ending things, and as much as I never wanted it to end this way, it has to, although I am very sad about that outcome, especially at this time with it being very early in the child's life and considering how difficult it has been for me with my son's early arrival.

Two of my friends have offered to help, but the truth is, I have been very embarrased to invite them over because I am still coping with the end of my relationship. I am still not ready to answer millions of questions regarding the end of my relationship, and given how tired and sleep deprieved I have been, I was afraid I would snap at someone, or say something I would later regret, that's why I chose to discuss my frustuations here. With that said, I know nothing lasts forever, and my son and I will be fine. So far, my being back at work has felt euphoric...it's the first time I have been away from the house without the baby. I would love to take the help that has been offered, but I don't know how to get in touch with the various people who have responded. However, even if I don't get physical help, the words of encouragement many of you have written/offered/provided have touched me. Thank you so much for your compassion.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thank you all for the outpouring of concern for my son and I. Your suggestions on what to do have been helpful (and some I was already doing). I was a nanny for years and I tried using all the "tricks" on my baby him comfortable...but I guess sometimes when it is your own child, those tricks don't necessarily work as well as they did before/or as well as you thought. My son and I went out of town last weekend and it was a good refreshing break. I am still very exhausted because I am not getting any sleep, but at least I don't want to throw the baby out the window anymore - I literally didn't want to, I just described it that way to show emphasis on how tired and frustuated I am/was.
After evaluating everything and a discussion with my son's pediatrician, we have determined he is going through a growth sprut, however, because he is still a preemie, they don't want to introduce any solids until he is four months old...which will be in another two weeks. I guess I'll just have to feed him less milk more often during that time (which will cut into my sleep time at night) but hopefully things will get better once he is able to eat solids.
My son and I co sleep, although it does not seem to make a differnce. He still cries and fusses for a long time before finally sleeping. Today he woke up at 3 am, (his last feeding was at 12.30am), ate and stayed up until 5.45am before falling asleep. Basically, I did not get much sleep at all. He has reflux, but that has been under control for weeks now since the pediatrician put him on Zantac.
Things with my hubby/baby daddy cannot be repaired. We are ending things, and as much as I never wanted it to end this way, it has to, although I am very sad about that outcome, especially at this time with it being very early in the child's life and considering how difficult it has been for me with my son's early arrival.

Two of my friends have offered to help, but the truth is, I have been very embarrased to invite them over because I am still coping with the end of my relationship. I am still not ready to answer millions of questions regarding the end of my relationship, and given how tired and sleep deprieved I have been, I was afraid I would snap at someone, or say something I would later regret, that's why I chose to discuss my frustuations here. With that said, I know nothing lasts forever, and my son and I will be fine. So far, my being back at work has felt euphoric...it's the first time I have been away from the house without the baby. I would love to take the help that has been offered, but I don't know how to get in touch with the various people who have responded. However, even if I don't get physical help, the words of encouragement many of you have written/offered/provided have touched me. Thank you so much for your compassion.

Thank you so much for responding. I think of you often.

Can you set up and post an e-mail address for people to contact you? your personal life is none of my business, and I imagine that lots of people here would help without inquiring about your personal life.

Also, if co-sleeping isn't working, try something else - some babies sleep better apart from their mothers, and find mom's presence too stimulating. Every baby is different. Hang in there.

[Anonymous]

I would contribute so a fund too! There must be some way to get help to you.

For different reasons, I can relate to the exhaustion and isolation. I was all alone in a new city (not Washington) after my second child was born (legitimate work demands of my husband and no family or friends willing to come in and help). I just wasn't able to physically keep up with being the sole parent 24-7 to a newborn and a 18m old. The exhaustion almost broke me.

All that to say, no one should have to be isolated like that and without help. I don't want anyone else to go through that same situation I experienced. I most definitely would like to contribute to a babysitting/night out fund. Please reach out to those friends.

Some will understand your situation and others, unfortunately, just won't. Please, please, don't stop trying until you find a compassionate ear. It will be the most unlikely person that will come through for you.

[Anonymous]

OP here: I have agreed to take up an offer that was made to me a while ago for some babysitting. That should be a start...most people have been very generous. I continue to be touched!

[Anonymous]

OP just one thing when it comes to accepting help from your friends, it is totally okay to say exactly what you said here: I'm not ready to discuss the end of my relationship. If you say it firmly and seriously at the beginning of your interaction most people will respect your privacy. So glad to hear back from you and still wishing you the best.

[Anonymous]

OP, friends will respect your privacy. Let them know at this time you are not ready to talk about details, but you are so appreciative of their help. I would also take up some of these offers on here, seriously. You need help, and several people on here are offering it. A night nanny for a couple nights? Someone to come hold the baby while you/ shower/do laundry? Take it. You don't have to leave your baby with a perfect stranger, but if they are with you at your place while you are working I would think that would be fine. Daddy needs to help also, but I understand if that is too complicated, etc. PLEASE accept these offers. Where do you live? (state)...

[Anonymous]

OP I have thought of you often since you posted. I think so often that we aren't always completely truthful with one another about how truly difficult the first few months can be even under the best circumstances. I'm not the prying kind, but I'm sending you and your boy all of my positive vibes!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow, what do you expect from a 3 month old? He is a newborn baby! Newborn babies do not sleep very long, which means you do not either. You should have never had a baby if you are most concerned about YOUR sleep. Horrible... Good luck to your child and you my dear, need more than luck. You need help!

Why do you share your hate in this way? You are a hideous soul.

[Anonymous]

Op, are you SURE your LO's reflux in under control? And glad to hear that you are getting some help!!

[Anonymous]

Still happy to help, OP if you post an email address and let us know where you are. Hang in there! Glad to hear you're doing OK and that you got a break this past weekend. It WILL get better!

[Anonymous]

OP, I'm sorry things have been so rough. I had no help with #1, DH was great helping but was in law school, working full time with occasional travel. There were times I literally thought there was no end in sight especially wtihout family around. I never felt comfortable asking for help so I took it upon myself to find a playgroup and at least be able to b--ch with other mom's who were going through the same sleep deprived state I was in. I really wish someone would have just showed up on the front step to take the baby for a walk- I would have been embarassed by the laundry, dishes and disorderly house but thankful for the help.

What I can say is that with time, your child will sleep! For me it wasn't until 10 months but it progressively got better. Around 4 months their GI systems are more mature which helps a lot with the reflux.

As far as the nursing to sleep, I was so worried about creating bad habits that I didn't want to start any. However, you get to your breaking point and thus far we've been able to undo any bad habit started. It's not easy but sometimes you just have to do whatever works!

In playgroup, one mom finally broke and said she'd had it and felt like tossing the baby off the balcony. It was one of those statements that once one person finally broke the silence we all chimed in on how we've all been there and what we did to get through it. I think sometimes you just have to let the baby cry in the crib or another safe place, go into another room to calm down and revisit the situation.

Virginia Hospital Center has a wonderful group on Wednesday mornings for new moms and mom's that are having post-partum issues. I went to the new mom group and it was such a relief to find other moms in the same situation.

Good luck to you! And, make sure to let your baby fall asleep in your arms and let him stay that way for awhile. I am shocked at how quickly babies grow and would give anything for just one more night of my small little baby in my arms- DC isn't even 2 and way too big for this...but I sometimes still try

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:not literally, but last night, I had had it.

My son was/is a preemie, I was on bed rest for over a month, he came two months early, then my hubby was laid off and a few weeks later, he moved out (we had other relationship issues and coupled with the other stuff I just mentioned, I am not suprised), I gained 25 lbs during the pregnancy and feel unpretty right now, I head back to work next week and non of my old clothes fit...and finally, since hubby moved (almost a month) I have been caring for the baby alone -day and night. I am exhausted, sleep deprieved, overall functioning but would really love to collapse and sleep for two days straight.

My son is not sleeping well at all. Now granted, he is 3 months old, so I am not expecting a child who sleeps through the night, however, when he gets up to eat, which is every three to four hours, he tends to like staying up for about 1.5 hrs. I burp him and put him back in the bed (he sleeps with me), but he whines for at least 45 mins before he sleeps. Isn't this too long for a 3 month old who is otherwise fed, dry and needs his sleep?

How did you get your 3 month old to go right back to sleep after feedings?

That's disturbing that you could even joke about that. Get help now.

[Anonymous]

go home mr. puppet!

[Anonymous]

I also want to thank you OP for getting back to us-we were worried about you. I didn't literally think you were going to throw your son out of a window but I think all of us can understand how devastating sleep deprivation can be in addition to the other things going on in your life. Maybe you were a little overwhelmed at the responses but they all came from the heart. Again, thanks for your response and hang in there. You are a strong intelligent accomplished woman and you will see this through. We love you! OXOXO PS-it's perfectly OK to say "I don't want to talk about _____" if someone asks you about it.