Why I'm not CIOing

[Anonymous]

"LO= Little One.
I was interested to reading your response but I think you've lost me...trauma?? Getting hit by a car while on a biycle is TRAUMA. Letting your LO cry...well, at my house it happens with most diaper changes/nightly meds (which are literally life saving)/anytime DD doesn' get her way...I don't consider crying TRAUMATIC. And, it is quite possible to meetyour LO's needs (clean diaper, full tummy, no pain, etc) and not their WANTS.

Again, the babies you care for are unique and have special emotional needs. And I think it is wonderful that these babies have such compassionate caregier to help thm learn to trust."

The kind of crying that goes on during diaper changes or obvioiusly is not trauma. The kind of crying that goes on during CIO is trauma. That's exactly how CIO works.

[Anonymous]

Um... people can die because of sleep deprivation. Become depressed and/or psychotic. How is that for trauma? Sleep deprivation is used as torture. Torture is trauma, right? So just pick your favorite trauma and stick with it. I for one prefer to eliminate the actual trauma of sleep deprivation for the entire family as opposed to the imaginary trauma of "neglecting" my kids for, oh horror, three minutes at a time. For three days. Yeah, the consequences will be lifelong.

[Anonymous]

Anyone with more than one child has had a baby cry for 5 or 10 minutes here and there. Most "CIO" experiences require that amount of crying several times over several nights. If you'd seen it, you would know it's not traumatic.

If a child cries more than that, you back off and try again in a month.

It's not hours of crying alone. Babies seem programmed to fall asleep quickly if they are tired, fed, dry, warm, patted, and not in pain, ALL of which Ferber requires.

Seriously, if this is abuse, then anyone with twins who doesn't constantly have one adult on hand for each baby better watch out for Child Services.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Anyone with more than one child has had a baby cry for 5 or 10 minutes here and there. Most "CIO" experiences require that amount of crying several times over several nights. If you'd seen it, you would know it's not traumatic.

If a child cries more than that, you back off and try again in a month.

It's not hours of crying alone. Babies seem programmed to fall asleep quickly if they are tired, fed, dry, warm, patted, and not in pain, ALL of which Ferber requires.

Seriously, if this is abuse, then anyone with twins who doesn't constantly have one adult on hand for each baby better watch out for Child Services.

How does it work when the child gets angrier when you go check on them?

[Anonymous]

Wow, a lot of people are really insecure about their parenting.

Smart people realize that parenting involves a huge range of strategies and options and that no one thing is right for one baby. Anyone this vociferous about anti-CIO is truly uneducated.

[Anonymous]

Yikes, people have really strong opinions on this issue and seem very judgmental of one another's choices.

[Anonymous]

I think everyone needs to read this before they post on DCUM, kind of like think before you speak....

(quote)Here's a thought that might actually be helpful to "whoever is thinking about their children's sleep and trying to make a decision." It is scientifically proven that not getting enough sleep is harmful both temporarily and long-term to growing children. If your kids sleeps best with your breast in her mouth, then that may be what works best for your family. If interacting with others overstimulates your child, and they tend to self-soothe well, then CIO may be what works. YOU have been given your child. Anyone who questions your devotion to your child based on the fact that you aren't doing anything (feeding, sleeping, disciplining) THEIR WAY is more interested in their own ego than your child's best interests, and all of their advice should be discounted. Do what works, if you heard it's the "wrong" thing, but it feels right, then trust your love for and knowledge of your child. They are the important thing."(/quote)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do what works, if you heard it's the "wrong" thing, but it feels right, then trust your love for and knowledge of your child. They are the important thing."(/quote)

Almost everyone who does CIO says how horrible it feels. It was called "excruciating" by a pro-CIO poster in this thread. And yet they do it because they read it in a book. It doesn't feel right because it isn't right.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do what works, if you heard it's the "wrong" thing, but it feels right, then trust your love for and knowledge of your child. They are the important thing."(/quote)

Almost everyone who does CIO says how horrible it feels. It was called "excruciating" by a pro-CIO poster in this thread. And yet they do it because they read it in a book. It doesn't feel right because it isn't right.

Yup, and I never ever heard anybody saying how terrible it is to watch your little one fall asleep with you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do what works, if you heard it's the "wrong" thing, but it feels right, then trust your love for and knowledge of your child. They are the important thing."(/quote)

Almost everyone who does CIO says how horrible it feels. It was called "excruciating" by a pro-CIO poster in this thread. And yet they do it because they read it in a book. It doesn't feel right because it isn't right.

Actually, it felt right to me. I could tell my child was over-tired during the day and that something needed to happen to help him get adequate sleep at night. CIO wasn't terrible for us - less that 15 minutes of crying, and dependably sleeping 11 hours straight since. And seeing him playing during the day as a MUCH happier and well-rested child confirms my instinct that it was right for him.

Don't assume you know what is going on in other people's houses with other people's children. Many of us are actually just as "connected" and "in tune" with our children's needs. CIO may not have been a good choice for your family, but it sure as hell was the right choice for mine.

And, btw, I did not find it "excruciating." As he cried, I reminded myself it would be over soon, and he would get some rest. And I kept thinking he sounded really, really tired.

[Anonymous]

Co-sleeping is damaging to children still do it. This might be illegal also

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thanks, 21:35. As instructed by our sleep trainer (recommended by many here on DCUM), we don't let him scream for more than 5 mins. And actually, since starting the training, he actually has not screamed at all. It's amazing.

Prior to this, when he would wake up for the hour a time, he WOULD be screaming hysterically and we would try to rock him back to sleep, hold him, walk around with him, etc. and it literally made him even madder. He would arch his back and try to climb out of our arms. That was like CIO in our arms. Something clearly wasn't working.

We videotaped the wakings and when the trainer saw it, she said he was clearly telling us he did NOT want us to rock him/hold him and that we were doing it all wrong. She was right- who knew?

This is our daughter EXACTLY - I think that if when she started tdo cry (she always cries for a few minutes before falling asleep, I kept going in to "console" her she'd be crying even more - we've been there. It used to take hours, literally, to get her down. Now I know that she is crying because she's flipping tired. If your kid could say "mommy, I'm tired and want to sleep but I can't sleep because you keep picking me up" what would you do? keep rocking them? If anything, that sounds abusive - you're making your baby cry so that you feel like you can "parent" them to sleep. Yes, I would like to sleep with my baby next to me, and yes, I would like to get every last minute of snuggling in before she falls asleep. But that would be mean, because that would frustrate her and make her cry more.

I think it's easy to be against letting kids fuss/cry when your kids are soothed by more intervention when they are tired. What I don't understand is why people think that it's okay for your kid to be overtired and crying all day, just so you don't have to do CIO for an hour. I mean, if CIO results in less crying, isn't that the more sensitive option? Or is it better to have a fussy baby so you can "parent" her all day and all night? How much of this is about mom desperately wanting to be "needed" all night?

And to the woman who said her bosses and creditors can wait...you really, really should have waited to have children. Seriously.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Co-sleeping is damaging to children still do it. This might be illegal also

Agree - how many kids have died of CIO?

[Anonymous]

I find it really funny how the woman who was aggressively calling people bad parents and abusive neglectors suddenly disappeared when she got called out for not being the OP. The OP also never responded to her posts or agreed with her because she was way over the top. CIO becoming illegal...my gosh.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I find it really funny how the woman who was aggressively calling people bad parents and abusive neglectors suddenly disappeared when she got called out for not being the OP. The OP also never responded to her posts or agreed with her because she was way over the top. CIO becoming illegal...my gosh.

I posted on this thread until almost midnight I think. Then I went to bed. How bizarre that you find that "suddenly disappeared" when I "got called out." I was never trying to pretend I was the OP -- why would I care about that? There were other anti-CIO posters on this thread, too.

I think parents who choose CIO do it because they read it is acceptable. I think some day it won't be. The mechanism for CIO is the same as the mechanism for neglect and abuse. The mechanism isn't "training."

For kids who did well really fast with CIO -- that's great. But that's not what I consider CIO and that's obviously not the experience I'm talking about.