My 4-yr old son obsessed w/girl stuff-IS IT NORMAL??

[Anonymous]

saving your kid from getting beat up is a good thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Guy here. I would definitely gently encourage my son away from that sort of thing. why invite ridicule and make life harder than it is. and zero chance he is wearing a princess costume for halloween! you kidding me?
not talking about whether or not he comes out as gay when he is 22. talking about wearing all pink or frilly dresses when he is 5 or 6.

Seriously, you are the reason I'm glad I'm gay and do not have to worry about raising my child with a man.

Moms, you're doing a great job. Kids are kids are kids, and they will express themselves in a million different ways - regardless of who their parents are. If you haven't already seen it, check out labelsareforjars.wordpress.com - great blog by a two mom family with a gender varient kid.

In all fairness to SOME men, my DH is extremely supportive of my son's love of pink and other things "girly." In fact, when I was uncomfortable that my son wanted to go out carrying his pink poodle purse and with his fingernails painted, my husband told me not to worry about what other people think. I do get uncomfortable when people stare at us but we are not willing to compromise our belief in our son's right to express himself the way that he chooses.

This has to be a troll....

That's funny but I'm not a troll. I swear! DH is for real.

It's not your DH I'm questioning. It's that you have a son with a pink poodle purse. You're joking, right?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote: Also, my son has turned out to be pretty macho

That's not a good thing though.

I think I just used the wrong word. I should have said that he behaves in a way which is more stereotypically masculine. He is still really sweet and plays well with both boys and girls. He doesn't reject his feminine side at all but he is expressing a more masculine side now. As I said, either way is fine with me and DH.

He is "still sweet" even though he is "stereotypically masculine." Heck no, you are not narrow minded and judgmental. Only people who dont' let their boys dress up as princesses on Halloween are. You are open to all kinds of ideas about masculinity and femininity. Okeeeee..

I didn't say he is still sweet "even though he is stereotypically masculine." I was describing my son's current personality which seems to integrate his previous interest in stereotypically feminine stuff with his newfound interest in stereotypically masculine stuff. I was also trying to explain why "macho" wasn't really the best choice of words for him. I was not commenting on what is actually a "masculine" vs a "feminine" trait. That is a subject which is pretty complicated and I would never try to sum it up in a few words. But if you need to hate me for letting my son carry a purse occasionally when he was 3 years old or for playing dress-up, then go right ahead.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: Also, my son has turned out to be pretty macho

That's not a good thing though.

I think I just used the wrong word. I should have said that he behaves in a way which is more stereotypically masculine. He is still really sweet and plays well with both boys and girls. He doesn't reject his feminine side at all but he is expressing a more masculine side now. As I said, either way is fine with me and DH.

He is "still sweet" even though he is "stereotypically masculine." Heck no, you are not narrow minded and judgmental. Only people who dont' let their boys dress up as princesses on Halloween are. You are open to all kinds of ideas about masculinity and femininity. Okeeeee..

I didn't say he is still sweet "even though he is stereotypically masculine." I was describing my son's current personality which seems to integrate his previous interest in stereotypically feminine stuff with his newfound interest in stereotypically masculine stuff. I was also trying to explain why "macho" wasn't really the best choice of words for him. I was not commenting on what is actually a "masculine" vs a "feminine" trait. That is a subject which is pretty complicated and I would never try to sum it up in a few words. But if you need to hate me for letting my son carry a purse occasionally when he was 3 years old or for playing dress-up, then go right ahead.

[Anonymous]

There's a difference between indulging absurd whims and supporting your child's creative play and individual interests. 15:44 sounds completely crazy and totally controlling and that is why her kids are going to hate her.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

ITA

[Anonymous]

It's one thing to not agree with people who let their boys wear dresses, but it's quite another to call them or their kids 'fuckers.' I also can't believe the anger coming from the woman's post. WOW. Get help, people.

[Anonymous]

ah, I just feel sorry for the poor little boys who don't have anyone with sense providing them some guidance. the woman posting here did seem a bit harsh, but I was called out as a "loon", etc., and I thought those attacks on me were way over the top. to be clear, I don't care and think it normal for little boys to dress up in their mommy's clothes at home. who cares? what I don't want is for a little boy to be picked on and ridiculed because his parents didn't know better than to send him to school in a dress and wig.

"Guy"

[Anonymous]

Your son will probably just be gay. Gay sons are the best!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your son will probably just be gay. Gay sons are the best!

wouldn't bother me in the least. my favorite cousin is gay. way to entirely miss my point.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had a neighbor like this (posted this in the thread below about the one son playing with all girls) and he is now gay too. But this is probably just a phase, so I wouldn't worry about it.

What does the dad think?

OP here again. That's just it, no dad. We're a 2 mom household, & I wonder if that is playing a role. Of course, we are the last to judge, we just worry about bullying, etc, down the road.

Who are most of his playmates? Both in school and out? Does he have any boys his age that he plays with regularly? Does he have older sisters or are his friends in the neighborhood all girls who take ballet? Lesbian mom here and we are not particularly "girly" princessy, just wondering where that is coming in? DD had a friend who always played with girls. Turns out he had some coordination issues and after a year or so of OT he was very into playing Star Wars and soccer, often there can be more subtle factors at play too. If he is in a home daycare with mostly girls and most of the kids of the moms' friends are girls he isn't getting a lot of exposure to "little boy" culture. I've known a couple of kids who went through a similar stage (girl who wanted to be a boy, boy who wore skirts and nail polish), all but one of the kids "outgrew" it.

[Anonymous]

If anyone normal is still reading this thread, you might like: http://borngaybornthisway.blogspot.com/

I agree with everyone who says that at this age it's probably a reflection of wanting to fit in with two "girls" at home. If he's still expressing a desire to be a girl in a couple of years and/or the truth that he's NOT a girl starts causing him serious distress, that's the point that I might start wondering about a trans issue.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am going to get flamed for this (FYI -- I am socially and politically liberal) but I definitely noticed that my older DS started acting a bit effeminate after his father left the scene.

WTF? So if you were conservative your observation would be less factually accurate? I'm not flaming you for what you noticed about your son, but because you are irrational.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am going to get flamed for this (FYI -- I am socially and politically liberal) but I definitely noticed that my older DS started acting a bit effeminate after his father left the scene.

WTF? So if you were conservative your observation would be less factually accurate? I'm not flaming you for what you noticed about your son, but because you are irrational.

Oh, come on PP. Everyone knows that all socially and politically liberal people believe that it doesn't matter whether a father is in a child's life or not. Men are no longer necessary. Didn't you know that?

[Anonymous]

My son is 3.5 and he said/done similar things and we are a hetro couple. I think it is pretty normal at this age. My son is around more girls than guys at daycare and although he says his favorite color is blue and green, he wanted a pink bike. He also said several times that he is a girl and wanted to pee sitting down like mommy.

We just recently tried to explain the difference between girls and boys, mainly that boys have a penis and girls don't but he has said that he is a girl many times. He also confuses the gender of other people like me his grandparents and his da. He might be starting to understand things though because he told my husband that he can never have a baby in his tummy because he is a boy (I just had a baby). He loves soccer, football and just about any sports but also has asked to take dancing classes because his best friend a daycare is a girl and takes dance classes. My mom said that my brother use to want to wear her high heels and carry her purse. He is definitely all boy now. It is probably a bit of the environment and influence of the people around him and wanting to fit but I am a strong believer that being gay is determined at birth and the influence of people around him with not determine his sexual identity in the long run. Several scientific studies have shown that the brain activity is different in gay people, further supporting that it is not a choice or factor of the environment.

[Anonymous]

Have you noticed *how* he plays with "girl" things? I remember a professor relating the story of how her grand-daughter loved playing with trucks, but that she did so in a decidedly "girl" way (putting them in a semi-circle and interacting with them).

Interesting point. My kids have completely bought into the gender stereotypes from an appearance standpoint. DS will only wear blue and refers to toys as boy toys or girls toys. DD constantly chooses pink and the more sparkle the better. I know this is from society driven influence and not biology. I don't really care as long as their clothes are weather appropriate.

They way they play though is the complete opposite of the stereotype. DS is much more into fantasy play. He will play construction family. He sets up his mommy backhoe and his baby frontloader with his daddy dump truck. He has a bed full of lovey stuffed dinosaurs and animals. He plays some of the boys but he seems to play with the girls just as much. I've had comments from teachers who are surprised at how strong his social skills are for his age and being a boy.

DD has friends who are girls but she always plays with the boys because she is so physically active. She has never gotten into a lovey or the interactive play with toys and dolls. The way she plays with her dolls is by moving around all the furniture and constructing forts and houses for them. She's always "making" or "doing" something. I would challenge any mom of a crazy active "all boy to keep up with my DD. She builds the lego sets and then DS plays out the fantasy play with them. They both enjoy dress up and putting on plays equally.

The "all boy" and "girly girl" just strike me as being superficial. I think there is merit to the idea that children are born with tendencies toward different types of activity and thinking that we associate with one gender or that may occur with more frequency in one gender. However, many, many people do not fit into that mold, especially if its narrowly defined with added society randomness. They should be encouraged to be themselves, supported in a way that build strong esteem, and accepted.

One last thought on all the posters wondering if this means that the child is gay or not. Why would that be a bad thing? You need to love and accept your kid for who they are and their sexual preference is not up to you.