My 4-yr old son obsessed w/girl stuff-IS IT NORMAL??

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My 5 year old son from a heterosexual household has always liked pink - his second favorite color besides red - and dolls, dollhouses, kitchen play, dress-up, etc. I enrolled him in ballet class and he said that what he liked about it was that he got to dance with girls! His best friend is a girl, although he likes to play with both girls and boys, and his favorite hero is Harry Potter.

I would not worry about it.

Don't most gay people have heterosexual parents?

[Anonymous]

at what age would it even be possible to determine if a kid was gay or not?

[Anonymous]

There is a fantastic gender variant clinic at Childrens National. If you are concerned or want advice on how to react in order to be supportive and helpful or to get a sense of what is "normal", they would be a great resource.

[Anonymous]

bump

[Anonymous]

i think this issue is interesting. when same sex couples have children of the opposite sex. plenty of guys grow up in fatherless households (my dad did), and many turn out fine although many do not, so this is nothing new other than the fact that there are two moms instead of one.

[Anonymous]

Another two mom family here, only our son is not yet 2 so we've never dealt with this. I would just say wait it out. He's only 4. It might change, it might not. But no use worrying about it, is there? Sometimes kids go through phases and sometimes it's not a phase. If he continues to say things like 'I want to be a girl' past 5 or 6 years old, then I might take a more serious look at it. He might be gay (which of course, isn't a big deal) or he might be trans and you all would probably benefit from speaking with a professional who can assist with those issues. Just love and support him, as I'm sure you do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had a neighbor like this (posted this in the thread below about the one son playing with all girls) and he is now gay too. But this is probably just a phase, so I wouldn't worry about it.

What does the dad think?

OP here again. That's just it, no dad. We're a 2 mom household, & I wonder if that is playing a role. Of course, we are the last to judge, we just worry about bullying, etc, down the road.

We are also a 2 mom household with a 4y old son who likes "girl" things. He doesn't claim to be a girl, but chooses Littlest Pet Shop toys, Polly Pockets, likes pink, etc. Per his teacher, he mostly plays with boys and likes to build/do puzzles/etc (more "boy" activities) at school. A few of his classmates have made comments about his pink hat, but he doesn't seem to care. We figure that it might be a phase or it might not. Either way, he is a cool kid.

[Anonymous]

Doesn't seem like a big deal to me, either, and I have a hetero household with a DD who likes lots of stereotypically "boy" stuff. I'm sure she'll vacillate on expressing her gender identity as she grows up and as social/media influences become more powerful, but whatevs. As 2 mommies likely raised in hetero households, you probably know from your own experience that kids are born at whatever point along the sexuality continuum they are, outside influences be damned. Don't sweat it!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Doesn't seem like a big deal to me, either, and I have a hetero household with a DD who likes lots of stereotypically "boy" stuff. I'm sure she'll vacillate on expressing her gender identity as she grows up and as social/media influences become more powerful, but whatevs. As 2 mommies likely raised in hetero households, you probably know from your own experience that kids are born at whatever point along the sexuality continuum they are, outside influences be damned. Don't sweat it!

so you think it 100% nature, and 0% nurture? i.e., that hetero/homo is decided entirely before birth? I agree with respect to gay men, but doesn't always seem true with many gay women.

[Anonymous]

I read somewhere that the mothers of many gay men are often very dominant women. I wonder if this is true and if it has an impact on whether or not a boy grows up gay or straight. I believe in nature vs. nurture, but my own brother is gay and I know that my mom is very controlling and dominant. After reading the article (I'm trying to find out where so that I can post a link), it made me think about this relationship.

[Anonymous]

Have you noticed *how* he plays with "girl" things? I remember a professor relating the story of how her grand-daughter loved playing with trucks, but that she did so in a decidedly "girl" way (putting them in a semi-circle and interacting with them).

FWIW my son has the Say Please Tea Set and ballet classes on the horizon. DH is textbook Macho Man and is discomfited by this. I don't see this as feminine gendered stuff. DS models some of mommy's behavior and some of dad's. He's a baby, that's his job. So is imaginative play and role taking.

I think little boys with sisters must go through all of this. My friend's son wears his sister's ruby slippers and a baseball jersey his dad gave him when playing around the house. I'm not sure the degree to which this stuff is just stuff, without any implications related to gender or sexuality.

You're not afraid of him being gay, but that he may be teased in the future. Exposure to "boy stuff" ought to provide him with ways to connect with other boys. Dunno. Seems to me like you're doing something right that he doesn't self-censor. You sound like supportive and concerned moms. Respond to a problem once it presents itself. Seems like DS is a happy guy and will be able to rely on your support and encouragement if/when he needs it.

[Anonymous]

My son went through a phase of being into girl stuff especially wearing princess dresses for dress up. He is very socially assertive and confident and never cared when kids and parents made comments. Now at 6 he has 90% grown out of it. I honesly saw it as a sign of his intelligence and soical curiousity.

[Anonymous]

Born-that-way PP here, and I definitely think environment factors into kids' expression of their identity. (In many cultures, including ours a few generations back, kids don't even know that gayness or trans-ness is an option so they can't articulate it in symbolic ways.)

However, the whole idea of blaming a strident mom for a queeny son is totally outdated. That's what everyone from Freud through mid-20th-C analysts said, and I'm pretty sure the psych establishment now things that was classic misogyny.

I thave 2 amazing 70's photos of myself playing dressup in my parents' closet -- one with a jacket and tie and fedora, and one with a bra and heels. Tehy were probably taken on the same day. I was "trying on adulthood" more than gender, I think, using the stuff available to me.

[Anonymous]

I would guess that being around 2 moms has an effect on how he plays and acts just as having a lot of older sisters would. If you have a close male friend for him to bond with that can't be a bad thing, but I wouldn't worry about it.

A great book I read differently that deals with the differences between girls and boys and how much is innate vs. learned is "Pink Brain, Blue Brain" by Lise Eliot. It's a very scientific book and might give you some interesting insights.

[Anonymous]

I 100% believe I was born gay as well. I dated boys through high school and it repulsed me. I had been attracted to girls/women since elementary school. My parents are straight