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My 4-yr old son obsessed w/girl stuff-IS IT NORMAL??
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Anonymous
Thanks for explaining this in a reasonable manner. I couldn't think of a way to say it without flaming so I decided to wait for someone who could be reasonable. Apparently the whole "blame the mother" explanation lives on... |
Anonymous
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This is interesting. I really do not like how restrictive we are toward boys in the accepted range of activities to be a healthy boy. Its OK, in fact encouraged for a girl to be physically active, into sports, play with cars and trucks, and wear blue. For a little boy, everyone thinks something is wrong if they play with "girl toys" or want to wear pink.
Even my DH, who is pretty liberally minded, tries to gently intervene when DS wants to play dress up princess with his older sister. It was OK for DD to go out as Buzz Lightyear but not OK for DD to go as Snow White. DS desperately wants me to paint his toenails pink because grandma painted his sister's toes. I almost did it but DH begged me not too. My point here is that dads tend to be far more sensitive to this while moms would often not care as much. I'm not saying that you should steer your son away from girl things at all. I'm just raising the point that he is not necessarily rejecting boy things but is enjoying more freedom to explore other things. |
Anonymous
| My sister has 3 boys and 1 girl. Her daughter is a real daddy's girl also. When she turned 3 years old my niece started insisting that she is a boy. She will only wear boys clothes, including boys underwear. She even insists that she has a penis, going so far as to get in arguments with her brothers about it and even attempting to pee while standing up. I think it's totally normal. She is surrounded by boys and is at a stage where she wants to feel included in everything. Since her and my sister are in the minority, that means my niece wants to be a boy. I felt the same way from the age of 4-8 when I desperately wanted to fit in and be more included in activities with my older male cousins. I got over it and eventually loved being a girl. But even if this isn't a phase, OP, there will be plenty of other reasons for kids to tease your son. No matter what, kids find a reason to tease each other. I was teased mercilessly -- bullied even -- for various reasons. What would have helped me is being given the tools to deal with it by my parents. Instilling confidence in your son will ensure that he feels good about himself and will stand up for himself when needed. |
Anonymous
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Guy here. I would definitely gently encourage my son away from that sort of thing. why invite ridicule and make life harder than it is. and zero chance he is wearing a princess costume for halloween! you kidding me?
not talking about whether or not he comes out as gay when he is 22. talking about wearing all pink or frilly dresses when he is 5 or 6. |
Anonymous
Seriously, you are the reason I'm glad I'm gay and do not have to worry about raising my child with a man. Moms, you're doing a great job. Kids are kids are kids, and they will express themselves in a million different ways - regardless of who their parents are. If you haven't already seen it, check out labelsareforjars.wordpress.com - great blog by a two mom family with a gender varient kid. |
Anonymous
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Oy -- agree, except that I'm irritated that I'm raising kids with a man and might have to put up with this nonsense one day!
I'm going to assume that the kids OP's son bonds with will be those who are like-minded or open-minded about his unconventional family, anyway, so he'll be less likely to be bullied within his own close circle. Unless they're in a neighborhood with lots of same-sex parents, there will probably be kids who've learned their parents' phobias and act out their biases, but a kid being raised by healthy, happy, concerned mommies will learn to choose better friends who accept him. |
Anonymous
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It was around age 4 when my son started to identify "differences" between girls and boys and started announcing that I couldn't do things because it was for boys only, no girls allowed. He is especially giddy when daddy is home and they can gang up on me. In talking to the preschool teacher, its pretty common at this age to suddenly really discover gender.
Your son may have suddenly seen the differences and in an attempt to be more like his mommies, is just trying out "being a girl." I don't think it is harmful or permanent. I think he's just testing it out. Kind of like how my left-handed son will look at me and then try to use his right hand. Do I think it will mess up up permanently? No. I just remind him that he should use the hand he is most comfortable using. My son told me the other day, when he grows up, he doesn't want to be a mommy, he wants to be a daddy. So clearly, the whole you are born into one gender and stay in that gender thing isn't as clear to him as I thought. BTW - he wanted to be a daddy because mommy's work too hard 
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Anonymous
"Guy," do you believe that your sexual orientation was your own choice and/or was caused by your childhood Halloween costumes? I bet not, I bet you think you were born straight and that that's fine. So extend the same courtesy to people who are born gay. |
Anonymous
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OP, he is who he is. I can't simplify it more than that. Do you want him to hate you later for trying to change him? Go with it. It could change, or not. |
Anonymous
I'm this poster and just wanted to say that I didn't mean to imply that it was a bad thing if the boy is gay with my left-handed analogy. Just saying my left-handed son won't choose to be right-handed simply because mommy is. He'll test it out, and then do what is natural for him. |
Anonymous
In all fairness to SOME men, my DH is extremely supportive of my son's love of pink and other things "girly." In fact, when I was uncomfortable that my son wanted to go out carrying his pink poodle purse and with his fingernails painted, my husband told me not to worry about what other people think. I do get uncomfortable when people stare at us but we are not willing to compromise our belief in our son's right to express himself the way that he chooses. |
Anonymous
Maybe it has to do with testosterone levels? Testosterone leads to aggressive traits like dominance. http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/2385641 And there have been studies that 1st born children are not as likely to be gay as boys born from later pregnancies. http://www4.ncsu.edu/~rojailal/file2.pdf I'm thinking it's all about utero hormone levels. |
Anonymous
You're an ass. OP, I think you should let your children express themselves, gender wise, in whatever way they please. As long as their outfit is not indecent, and they are not hurting anyone else, let them wear what they want. Let your son do what he wants. No need to involve a professional. If he's gay or transgendered you will know. Time enough for professional help if he needs it - and if you are supportive maybe he will be perfectly well adjusted, however he turns out. |
Anonymous
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My first reaction when I saw the title of the thread was "Well, it's normal for him."
My boys have gone through phases of being interested in stereotypically girl things or boy things, either in terms of doing them or in terms of talking about how they are boy things or girl things. It's funny to read earlier posters talk about girl ways of playing with things or boy ways -- my guys love a good narrative approach towards all sorts of things, including playing with inanimate objects. Maybe they are all gay. If so, I hope they come through on that "devoted to his mother" stereotype. |
Anonymous
no, I don't think my sexual orientation has anything to with halloween costumes. obviously. similarly, if my 5 or 6 year old son wanted to wear a princess costume for halloween, it would have nothing to do with his sexual orientation, since I don't think at that age you would have a clear orientation. I'd discourage him from picking that kind of costume simply because it would open him up to unnecessary ridicule. there are a million different possibilities for costumes, so why pick one that is going to give you grief? the other kids in the neighborhood would have a field day over that, you know it and so do I. and I have to say, I've seen thousands (tens of thousands?) of little kids in costumes over my life, and don't think I've ever seen a little boy wear a princess costume - so guessing it isn't too much of a worry. |